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else speak。 〃The nobleman from Nabban I told you about； the one who took Cadrach and me aboard his ship。 Aspitis Preves。〃
〃He raped you。。。 ？〃 He sounded stunned； but anger was growing。 〃That。。。 that 。。。〃
Miriamele's laugh was short and bitter。 〃No； Simon； he did not rape me。 He held me prisoner； yes； but that was later。 He was a monster…but I let him e to my bed and I did not resist。〃 Then； to bolt the door for good； so that Simon would leave her alone； so that she would bring him no further suffering after this night： 〃I wanted him to。 I thought he was beautiful。 I wanted him to。〃
Simon made an inarticulate noise； then stood up。 His breath sawed in and out； in and out。 For all she could see of him in the darkness； he could have been shape…changing： he seemed wordless and bedeviled as a trapped animal。 He growled； then ran for the door of the cottage。 It crashed open as he fled out into the dying storm。
After a few moments Miriamele went and pulled the door closed again。 He would be back； she felt sure。 Then he would leave her； or they would go on together； but things would be different。 That was what she wanted。 That was what she needed。
Her head felt empty。 Those few thoughts almost seemed to echo； like stones rattled down a well。
She waited a long time for sleep。 Just as she was beginning to slip away； she heard Simon e back in。 He dragged his bedroll to the far corner and lay down。 Neither of them spoke。
Outside； the storm had passed； but water still dripped from the ceiling。 Miriamele counted the drops。
By midday the next day； Miriamele felt herself recovered enough to ride。 They set out under dark clouds of more than one kind。
After all the pain and emotion of the night before they were both flat with each other； bruised and sullen like two swordfighters waiting for their final bout。 They spoke no more than was necessary； but Miriamele saw signs of Simon's anger all day； from the over…brisk way he saddled and readied his horse to the way he rode ahead of her； just close enough to stay in sight。
For her part； Miriamele felt a sort of relief。 The worst was out now and there was no turning back。 Now Simon would know her for what she was； which could only be for the good； ultimately。 It hurt to have him despise her； as he so obviously did at present； but it was better than leading him on falsely。 Nevertheless； she could not shake the feeling of loss。 It had been so warm； so nice； to kiss him and hold him without thinking。 If only he had not talked of love。 If only he had not forced her to consider her responsibilities。 Deep down； she had known that anything more than friendship between them would mean living in a lie； but there had been moments； sweet moments； when she had allowed herself to pretend it could be different。
Making the best time they could on the terrible； muddy roads； they rode well beyond the reach of Falshire by evening time； out into the wildlands west of the city。 When darkness came down…little more than a thickening of the already murky day…they found a wayside shrine to Elysia and made their beds on its floor。 After a sparse meal and even sparser conversation； they retired to their bedrolls。 This time it did not seem to bother Simon when Miriamele unfurled her pallet on me opposite side of the fire from his。
After her first day in the saddle following several days of illness； Miriamele felt ready to sink into sleep immediately； but sleep would not e。 She moved several times； trying to find a fortable position； but nothing seemed to help。 She lay in darkness； staring up at nothing； listening as a light rain pattered the roof of the shrine。
Would Simon leave her； she wondered？ It was an unexpectedly frightening thought。 She had said several times that she was willing to make inis journey by herself； as she had originally planned； but she realized now that she did not want to travel alone。 Perhaps she had been wrong to tell him。 Perhaps it would have been better to give him some more face…saving lie： if she had disgusted him too pletely； he might simply go back to Josua。
And she did not want him to go； she realized。 It was more than the idea of traveling these gloomy lands by herself that disturbed her。 She would miss him。
It was odd to think about； now that she had probably thrown up an unbreachable wall between them； but she did not want to lose him。 Simon had worked his way into her heart in a way no other friend ever had。 His boyish silliness had always charmed her when it didn't irritate her； but now it was counterbalanced by a serious air that was very handsome。 Several times she had caught herself watching him in surprise； amazed he had bee a man in such a short time。
And there were other qualities that had bee dear to her as well； his kindness； his loyalty； his openmindedness。 She doubted that the most traveled of her father's courtiers faced life with the same unprejudiced interest as Simon did。
It was frightening even to contemplate losing all those things if he left her。
But she had lost him now…or at least； there would always be a shadow over their friendship。 He had seen the stain that was at the core of her； she had made it as visible and unpleasant as she could。 She was not willing to suffer for lies any。 more； and seeing the way he felt about her was more suffering than she could stand。 He was in love with her。
And she had been falling in love with him。
The thought hit her with unexpected force。 Was that true？ Wasn't love supposed to e like a bolt of skyfire； to blind and stun？ Or at the least； like a sweet perfume that rose and filled the air until one could think of nothing else？ Surely her feelings for Simon had been different。 She thought of him； of the laughable way his hair looked in the morning； of his earnest glances when he was worried for her。
Elysia； Mother of God； she prayed； take this pain away。 Did I love him？ Do I love him？
It didn't matter now； in any case。 She had taken steps of her own to remove the hurt。 Letting Simon continue to think of her as a chaste maiden worthy of his youthful ideals would be worse than anything… worse even than losing him pletely； if that was the result。
So why； then； was the pain still so very strong？
〃Simon？〃 she whispered。 〃Are you awake？ 〃
If he was； he did not answer。 She was alone with her thoughts。
The next day seemed even darker。 The wind was sharp and biting。 They rode swiftly； unspeaking； with Simon again keeping Homefinder a short distance ahead of Miriamele and her still…nameless steed。
By late morning they came to the fork where the River Road joined the Old Forest Road。 Two corpses hung in iron cages at the crossing； and had clearly done so for some time： It was impossible to tell from the wind…tossed rags of clothing or the grinning bones who these unfortunates had been。 Miriamele and Simon both made the sign of the Tree as they crossed； passing as far from the clanking cages as they could。 They took the Old Forest Road turning； and soon the River Road vanished from sight behind the low hills to the south。
The road began to dip downward。 On t