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If we go back； you know … you know it would be best if we never serve together。 But if we don't go back …〃
〃You love it；〃 he said。 〃Your family … the Serrano Admiralty … 〃 She had heard that phrase before； it was inevitable for a family that had produced admiral after admiral through many generations。 She had never considered how they might look from underneath … from out to sea； like a great cliff wall made of stars and flags； with no safe beach to land on。 She felt herself a rock loosed from that cliff； now rolling in the surf； being broken into fragments the cliff would no longer recognize。
〃My family；〃 she said slowly； 〃have already endured the worst： a Serrano resigning under a cloud rather than face a court。 They will abide my decision； one way or the other。。。 or they will not； and I will abide their decision。 I don't know what they'll do； but I don't fear it。 Your family？〃
〃Mine。〃 He stared past her now； at the island again。 〃Farmers and small merchants on Vonnegar's World； I was the outlaw there； too。 Ran off to join the military； like kids have always done。。。。 Wouldn't walk behind a plow or pull onions if I could see stars。 They wouldn't mind … they gave me up for lost when I told my uncle Eth what I thought of farming。 I couldn't go back and ask for land； that's sure。 But away … I can do what I want。〃 A quick glance to her； then away again。 〃I liked my work。〃
〃I know that。 You can have it back； that's what Cecelia told me。 She's got you all cleared。〃
〃Ah。。。 yes； but it can't be the same。 Not just us； the whole thing。 Some of 'em died； through this； I can't forget that。〃
Heris felt cold。 They had died because of her； because she had left； she already knew that。 If he couldn't forget； he probably couldn't forgive either； and last night had been。。。 last night。
But he was looking at her again； this time steadily； eye to eye。 〃But what did you offer as an alternative？ You said if we don't go back …〃
〃We could both work for Lady Cecelia。 On her yacht。〃 Of course he had already said she wasn't meant to be a yacht captain； and of course he wasn't meant to be on a yacht's crew either； but she had to ask。
〃You must like her a lot；〃 he said； 〃even to consider it。 What do you。。。 do？〃
She could tell he was avoiding the familiar terms； like 〃mission。〃 〃Lady
Cecelia travels；〃 she said。 〃From the existing records of past voyages； she travels widely； and from the events of the first weeks I worked for her； her yacht has harbored smugglers。。。 without her knowledge； of course。〃
〃You're sure of that。〃 It was not quite a question。
〃Yes。 She's stubborn； opinionated； and all the other things you expect from a rich old lady； but she's honest。〃
〃Like you；〃 Petris said； without a smile。 〃No wonder you get along。 So … you'll continue？〃
〃It depends。〃 Even as she said it she wondered if it did depend on his decision。 Oddly； she now thought of going back to the Service as a kind of defeat。 Someone else had fought her battle for her； someone else had bought her mission back。 She hated that。 Bad as Lepescu was； some would always mistrust her loyalty； she would never be the unflawed Serrano in clear line of succession to an admiralty。 Even her family would have reservations。 She did not realize she had said some of this aloud until the end。。。 〃 … and I would rather take an honest salary from her than a mission restored with her influence。 So。。。 it's either stay with her； or look for something else； and I have no reason now to leave her。 At least not until I've straightened out that crew。〃
Petris chuckled 〃I know that tone。 All right； then … I think all of us will have the same problems。 Those who don't think so are wele to go back； but as for me。。。 no。 D'you think your Lady Cecelia will hire more than one of us； and will we have to bow as she sweeps by？〃
〃Are you saying yes？〃
〃No。。。 I'm saying 'yes； ma'am' 。。。 since I believe that's the correct civilian usage。〃 The end of that was smothered in a hug； out of which he said finally； 〃I gather the restriction on fraternization doesn't apply either？〃
〃No；〃 Heris said firmly。 〃Not off the bridge。〃 Her thoughts raced； crashing into each other like fox hunters of two hunts in collision。 What came out； at last； was the professional ship's officer。 〃I've got to check in with Sirkin … the standing watch … and let her know there's a sealed weapons cargo ing up to the ship。 It's a good thing we had a plete refitting at Takomin Roads。 Did you know the sulfur cycle was off by two sigs？〃
He released her with a roar of laughter。 〃Dear heart … Heris … Captain … your owner had better pull up her bloomers or whatever they call them on aristocrats。 Weapons？ Does she know？〃
〃Of course she knows； I used her credit line。〃 That had been … how long ago？
And would Cecelia still authorize those weapons？ Better get them aboard before she changed her mind。 Somewhere the smugglers that had put that contraband aboard had to be wondering what had happened to it。 The rich were no safer； if they didn't bother to defend themselves； than someone on the docks。 In the depths of her mind； the final door to her past shut； and she faced the future as a civilian without the old pain。 It would return； she knew； as old pains always did； in the dark hours everyone faced。。。 but the worst was over。
Chapter Twenty…one
Discretion must be served。 Two by two； the former prey； Heris's former crew members； left for the mainland hospital； where （Heris was assured） Bunny's excellent medical staff would check them out； and where they would live in privacy and luxury until they decided what they wanted to do。 She had spoken to each one； but they were too dazed to talk much。 She understood； she felt that way herself。 Too many emotions； too much turmoil。 Finally； with the lodge empty； it was her turn。 She and Cecelia and Petris had a luxurious flitter； with Michaels himself at the controls； for the flight back。 No more clouds。。。。
The wrinkled ocean lay blank and blue under a clear sky until they reached the mainland。 Heris stared at it until she felt the pattern was imprinted forever on her retinas。 She wondered why Petris was travelling with them； then wondered why she wondered。 And why couldn't they talk？ After that first night； she had not expected the awkwardness of the days and nights since； when they could cling together。。。 but not plete a sentence。
The flitter delivered them to the wide courtyard before the Main House rather than the flitter hangars。 Here it was cold； with low clouds racing across the sky before a sharp wind。 Heris sealed the jacket she had not needed on the island and shivered。 She was glad she wouldn't have to walk up the hill from the other end of the village。 Inside； Petris looked up the great staircase that first time with an odd expression that mingled delight and apprehension。
〃This is exactly how I thought a great lord's house would look； and I don't trust it；〃 he said finally。 〃It's too perfectly what it is； like an entertainment…cube version of a fleet cruiser。〃
〃It's intimidating；〃 said Heris。 Now she could admit that。 〃I couldn't believe anyone actually lived in it。 But they do。〃 She wondered where the servants were； usually two or three at