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Heris sat down abruptly。 It couldn't be this easy。 Something had to happen； some further punishment for her mistake。 It would be fair； she thought dismally； if he had put poison in the food； if he leapt on her and strangled her。 She hadn't meant bad to e of it； but it had … and when had intention ever been justification for causing the deaths of innocents？
He looked at her and shook his head。 〃Captain … Heris … 〃 It was the first time he had used her first name except to yell at her。 〃You're about as relaxed as a novice gunner before the first battle。 What do you think； I'm going to scold you？〃
〃You'd have a right；〃 she said。
〃Well。。。 yes。 In one way； I do。 In another； I don't。〃 He looked into her eyes。
〃I think you want your scolding； is that it？〃
Tears burned her eyes。 〃I … don't know。 I want … what happened to be different。 For it to have worked the way it was supposed to。 You safe …〃
Anger roughened his voice。 〃By the gods； Heris； do you think we'd have joined the Regs if we'd wanted to be safe？ And safe at the cost of the best mander we ever had？ Keep us from being butchered by that fool and his stupid tactics； yes … but not ruin yourself； and us； into the bargain。〃
〃You're right；〃 she said。 No use denying it。 〃I was wrong。〃 The rest of the pain she had put off feeling stabbed her； the thought of her crew； from that scrawny new kid in Power Systems； who had burst into tears with the first mail from home； to the wizened old senior medical mate； finishing out her last tour before retirement。 What had happened to them？ Tears spilled over； she could feel the wind chilling them as they ran down her cheeks； she struggled to control her breathing。
Petris moved close； and put his arm around her； a firm but gentle hold。
〃You should have trusted us；〃 he said； his breath stirring her hair。 〃Did you think we'd fail you？〃 She could hear in that the pain she had dealt them … worse for some than the pain of court…martial and public dishonor。
〃I had failed you；〃 Heris said。 〃The scan data were all lost … they told me you'd all be court…martialed along with me； risk discharge at least and probably time in prison。〃
〃So you resigned。 Walked out。〃
〃Yes。〃 It all came back； the nightmare she'd relived so often these past months。 The Board behind their polished table； the familiar faces as strange as masks； the feel of her dress uniform collar tabs on her throat； a blade no less dangerous for being fabric and not steel。 〃I was told；〃 she went on； careful to withhold all emotion； 〃that if I resigned immediately； they would take no action against you … the crew。 They would hush it up； it would not have happened。 Sorkangh … my father's friend； one I'd counted on to help me argue my case … he said that。 And if Sorkangh was against me … 〃 She shook her head。 She had said this already； it made no difference。 She had had her reasons； she had fought herself to make that decision； and none of her reasons
mattered。 It had been wrong； as wrong as not anticipating any enemy's position and fire…power。
〃Well；〃 he said； squeezing her shoulders； 〃if it helps； not all your crew was as loyal as they should have been。 Lepescu had a ringer in； and that's what happened to the scan data。〃
〃How'd you find that out？〃 She had wondered； but could not have proven her suspicions。
〃First transit brig。 Friend of a friend of a friend … couldn't do much for us； but did tell us who did it and on whose orders。 We took care of him。〃
Heris shuddered； she didn't want to understand； although she did。 〃How many。。。
？〃
〃I'm not sure。 They split us up； early on … we were tried in different groups； supposedly determined by our level of responsibility。 Some weren't formally charged； I heard … but I couldn't tell you what happened to them。 Of those brought to court； the scuttlebutt is that all but three were convicted。
Some were discharged； and some had the usual loss of rank； or pay； but no brig time。 They decided to make an example of about fifty of us； the senior NCOs and officers； and from that about thirty were brought here。 The others are in the prison system somewhere。〃
〃I'll have to do something about that；〃 Heris muttered。
Petris shifted beside her。 〃I don't see how you can； now；〃 he said。 〃Maybe if this es out； their cases can be reevaluated； but whatever Lepescu was up to； the original charges are still there。〃
〃I'll think of something；〃 she said。 〃Maybe Lady Cecelia …〃
〃Maybe。〃 He didn't sound convinced。 〃But I had something else to say to you。〃
She braced herself； but he didn't go on for a long time。 Then he sighed。 〃I wish it was darker。 Thing is。。。 you're not my mander now； right？〃
〃Right。〃 Heris picked up something … it was dark enough she could hardly see the food … and stuffed it in her mouth。 Cheese and pastry and something； she nearly choked。
〃You were always professional。。。 you know。。。 but I used to wonder if you felt something。。。 something like I did。〃 He wasn't looking at her； but at the last fading purple glow in the west Then up at the stars。 Heris had time to remember times she had not wanted to be professional； she choked down the food in her mouth。
〃Mmm。 Yes。 Something。。。〃 How could she have known it was a mutual feeling？
They had both understood professional etiquette； nothing must e of any feelings； and thus better to leave them unfelt … or at least unsaid。
〃So？〃 The flat； gray light； all that was left of sunset； caught in his eyes。
Heris opened her mouth to say how impossible it was； then realized it wasn't。
Not any more。
〃So。。。〃 She still could not say it。 She moved； instead； into the arc of his arm。
〃You should have trusted me；〃 he said again； but without heat。 〃It hurt； when you went away like that； without a word。〃
〃Yes。 It did。〃 She leaned against him； his arm felt good against her back。
Better than good。 〃It hurt a lot。 But I'm here now； and I'm trusting you。〃
〃About time。〃 Then his grip tightened。 She had never allowed herself to imagine … really imagine … what embracing him would be like。 It would have been too difficult to go through everyday shipboard life； if she had。 Now she was glad of her former discipline。 She had no nagging parisons to make； just the experience to savor。
〃I fixed it；〃 Cecelia said。 She sounded smug。 Bright morning light gilded her hair； and she looked crisp and refreshed by ample sleep and good food。
〃Fixed what？〃 Heris had bathed and changed； when she and Petris got back to the Lodge shortly before dawn； but inside her clothes her body felt lush and relaxed。 She wondered if Cecelia could tell。 She had her own list of things for Cecelia to fix； and hoped her employer hadn't used up her energy on something minor。
〃Your resignation；〃 Cecelia said； as if continuing a conversation in progress。
〃I hate to lose you； but I know how you've grieved。 And the evidence is clear。
So I just argued my way along； and they've agreed to take you back。 Quite willingly； in fact。 Everyone knows that George's father will sue Lepescu and his cronies； and the Regular Space Service is anxious to dissociate themselves from any of that。〃
Heris stared； her brain racing。 Cecelia had fixed that； in a few hours； from an obscure pla