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it be a blessing？ 〃Not very good； I'm afraid。 Doctor。〃 She tried to put concern in her voice。 She tried again。 〃Not very good。 I'm afraid。 Doctor。〃 Alarmed。 He was going to die。 〃Not very good； I'm afraid。 Doctor。〃 Accusing。 It was the doctor's fault。 If he had not been away with his mistress 。。。
Jill stayed up the entire night working on the part； too keyed…up to sleep； but in the morning； when she reported to the studio； she felt exhilarated and alive。 It was still dark when she arrived at the guard's gate off Lankershim Boulevard； in a car borrowed from her friend Harriet。 Jill gave the guard her name； and he checked it against a roster and waved her on。
〃Stage Seven；〃 he said。 〃Two blocks down； turn right。〃
Her name was on the roster。 Universal Studios was expecting her。 It was like a wonderful dream。 As Jill drove toward the sound stage； she decided she would discuss the part with the director； let him know that she was capable of giving him any interpretation he wanted。 Jill pulled into the large parking lot and went onto Stage Seven。 The sound stage was crowded with people busily moving lights； carrying electrical equipment； setting up the camera； giving orders in a foreign language she did not understand。 〃Hit the inky clink and give me a brute。。。。 I need a scrim here。。。。 Kill the baby。。。。〃 Jill stood there watching； savoring the sights and smells and sounds of show business。 This was her world； her future。 She would find a way to impress the director； show him that she was someone special。 He would get to know her as a person； not as just another actress。 The second assistant director herded Jill and a dozen other actors over to wardrobe； where Jill was handed a nurse's uniform and sent back to the sound stage； where she was made up with all the other bit players in a corner of the sound stage。 Just as they were finished with her； the assistant director called her name。 Jill hurried on to the hospital…room set where the director stood near the camera； talking to the star of the series。 The star's name was Rod Hanson； and he played a surgeon full of passion and wisdom。 As Jill approached them。 Rod Hanson was saying；
〃I have a German shepherd that can fart better dialogue than this shit。 Why can't the writers ever give me some character； for Christ's sake？〃
〃Rod； we've been on the air five years。 Don't improve a hit。 The public loves you the way you are。〃 The cameraman walked up to the director。
〃All lit； chief。〃
〃Thanks； Hal；〃 the director said。 He turned to Rod Hanson。 〃Can we make this； baby？ We'll finish the discussion later。〃
〃One of these days； I'm going to wipe my ass with this studio；〃 Hanson snapped。 He strode away。 Jill turned to the director； who was now alone。 This was her opportunity to discuss the interpretation of the character； to show him that she understood his problems and was there to help make the scene great。 She gave him a warm； friendly smile。
〃I'm Jill Castle；〃 she said。 〃I'm playing the nurse。 I think she can really be very interesting and I have some ideas about …〃
He nodded absently and said； 〃Over by the bed；〃 and walked away to speak to the cameraman。 Jill stood looking after him； stunned。 The second assistant director； Harriet's third cousin's ex…brother…in…law； hurried up to Jill and said in a low voice；
〃For Chrissakes； didn't you hear him？ Over by the bed！〃
〃I wanted to ask him …〃
〃Don't blow it！〃 he whispered fiercely。 〃Get out there！〃
Jill walked over to the patient's bed。
〃All right。 Let's have it quiet； everybody。〃
The assistant director looked at the director。 〃Do you want a rehearsal； chief？〃
〃For this？ Let's go for a take。〃
〃Give us a bell。 Settle down； everybody。 Nice and quiet。 We're rolling。 Speed。〃
Unbelievingly； Jill listened to the sound of the bell。 She looked frantically toward the director； wanting to ask him how he would like her to interpret the scene； what her relationship was to the dying man； what she was … A voice called； 〃Action！〃
They were all looking at Jill expectantly。 She wondered whether she dare ask them to stop the cameras for just a second； so she could discuss the scene and …
The director yelled； 〃Jesus Christ！ Nurse！ This isn't a morgue it's a hospital。 Feel his god damned pulse before he dies of old age！〃
Jill looked anxiously into the circle of bright lights around her。 She took a deep breath； lifted the patient's hand and took his pulse。 If they would not help her； she would have to interpret the scene in her own way。 The patient was the father of the doctor。 The two of them had quarreled。 The father had been in an accident and the doctor had just been notified。 Jill looked up and saw Rod Hanson approaching。 He walked up to her and said；
〃How is he。 Nurse？〃
Jill looked into the doctor's eyes and read the concern there。 She wanted to tell him the truth； that his father was dying； that it was too late for them to make up their quarrel。 Yet she had to break it to him in such a way that it would not destroy him and The director was yelling；
〃Cut！ Cut！ Cut！ Goddamn it； the idiot's got one line； and she can't even remember it。 Where did you find her in the Yellow Pages？〃
Jill turned toward the voice shouting from the darkness； aflame with embarrassment。
〃I I know my line；〃 she said coldly。 〃I was just trying to 〃
〃Well； if you know it； for Chrissakes； would you mind saying it？ You could drive a train through that pause。 When he asks you the fucking question； answer it。 Okay？〃
〃I was just wondering if I should 〃
〃Let's go again； right away。 Give us a bell。〃
〃We're on a bell。 Hold it down。 We're rolling。〃
〃Speed。〃 〃Action。〃
Jill's legs were trembling。 It was as though she was the only one here who cared about the scene。 All she had wanted to do was create something beautiful。 The hot lights were making her dizzy； and she could feel the perspiration running down her arms； ruining the crisp； starched uniform。 〃Action！ Nurse！〃 Jill stood over the patient and put her hand on his pulse。 If she did the scene wrong again； they would never give her another chance。 She thought of Harriet and of her friends at the roominghouse and of what they would say。
The doctor entered and walked up to her。 〃How is he； Nurse？〃
She would no longer be one of them。 She would be a laughingstock。 Hollywood was a small town。 Word got around fast。
〃Not very good； I'm afraid。 Doctor。〃
No other studio would touch her。 It would be her last job。 It would be the end of everything； her whole world。 The doctor said；
〃I want this man put in intensive care immediately。〃
〃Good！〃 the director called。 〃Cut and print。〃
Jill was hardly aware of the people rushing past her； starting to dismantle the set to make room for the next one。 She had done her first sceneand she had been thinking about something else。 She could not believe it was over。 She wondered whether she should find the director and thank him for the opportunity； but he was at the other end of the stage talking to a group of people。 The second assistant director came up to her and squeezed her arm and said；
〃You did okay； kid。 Only next time； learn your lines。〃
There was fi