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d。〃
〃It is not we who have abandoned you； Rand al'Thor。〃 Shutting the door behind her； she sat on the floor and laid her buckler and a pair of the spears down。 〃You have abandoned us。〃 In one motion she put a foot against the last spear between her hands； heaved； and snapped it in two。
〃What are you doing？〃 She tossed aside the pieces and picked up another spear。 〃I said； what are you doing？〃 The white…haired Maiden's face might have given even Lan pause； but Rand bent and seized the spear between her hands； her soft…booted foot came to rest against his knuckles。 Not lightly。
〃Will you put us in skirts； and make us marry and tend hearth？ Or are we to lie beside your fire and lick your hand when you give us a scrap of meat？〃 Her muscles tensed； and the spear broke； scoring his palm with splinters。
He snatched his freed hand back with a curse； shaking off droplets of blood。 〃I don't mean any such thing。 I thought you understood。〃 She took up the last spear； set her foot； and he channeled； weaving Air to hold her as she was。 She only stared at him wordlessly。 〃Burn me； you said nothing！ So I kept the Maidens out of the battle with Couladin。 Not everyone fought that day。 And you never said a word。〃
Sulin's eyes widened in incredulity。 〃You kept us from the dance of spears？ We kept you from the dance。 You were like a girl newly wed to the spear； ready to rush out and kill Couladin with never a thought for the spear you might take from behind。 You are the Car'a'carn。 You have no right to risk yourself needlessly。〃 Her voice flattened。 〃Now you go to fight the Forsaken。 The secret is well kept； but I have heard enough from those who lead the other societies。〃
〃And you want to keep me out of this fight as well？〃 he said quietly。
〃Do not be a fool； Rand al'Thor。 Any could have danced the spears with Couladin； for you to risk it was the thinking of a child。 None among us can face the Shadowsouled； save you。〃
〃Then why。。。？〃 He stopped； he already knew the answer。 After that blood…soaked day against Couladin； he had convinced himself they would not mind。 He had wanted to believe they would not。
〃Those who go with you have been chosen。〃 The words came like hurled stones。 〃Men from every society。 Men。 There are no Maidens； Rand al'Thor。 Far Dareis Mai carries your honor； and you take ours away。〃
He drew a deep breath； fumbling for words。 〃I。。。 do not like to see a woman die。 I hate it； Sulin。 It curdles me up inside。 I could not kill a woman if my life hung on it。〃 The pages of Moiraine's letter rustled in his hand。 Dead because he could not kill Lanfear。 Not always just his own life。 〃Sulin； I would rather go against Rahvin alone than see one of you die。〃
〃A foolish thing。 Everyone needs another to watch her back。 So it is Rahvin。 Even Roidan of the Thunder Walkers and Turol of the Stone Dogs held that back。〃 She glanced at her upraised foot； held against the spear by the same flows that snared her arms。 〃Release me； and we will talk。〃
After a moment's hesitation； he unraveled the weave。 He was tensed to seize her again if need be； but she only crossed her legs and sat bouncing the spear on her palms。 〃Sometimes I forget you were raised out of our blood； Rand al'Thor。 Listen to me。 I am what I am。 This is what I am。〃 She hefted the spear。
〃Sulin …〃
〃Listen； Rand al'Thor。 I am the spear。 When a lover came between me and the spear； I chose the spear。 Some chose the other way。 Some decide they have run with the spears long enough； that they want a husband； a child。 I have never wanted anything else。 No chief would hesitate to send me wherever the dance is hottest。 If I died there； my first…sisters would mourn me； but not a fingernail more than when our first…brother fell。 A treekiller who stabbed me to the heart in my sleep would do me more honor than you do。 Do you understand now？〃
〃I understand； but。。。〃 He did understand。 She did not want him to make her something other than what she was。 All he had to do was be willing to watch her die。 〃What happens if you break the last spear？〃
〃If I have no honor in this life； perhaps in another。〃 She said it as if it was just another explanation。 It took him a moment to prehend。 All he had to do was be willing to watch her die。
〃You don't leave me any choices； do you？〃 No more than Moiraine had。
〃There are always choices； Rand al'Thor。 You have a choice； and I have one。 Ji'e'toh allows no other。〃
He wanted to snarl at her； to curse ji'e'toh and everyone who followed it。 〃Choose out your Maidens； Sulin。 I don't know how many I can take； but Far Dareis Mai will have as many as any other society。〃
He stalked past her and her sudden smile。 Not relief。 Pleasure。 Pleasure that she would have the chance to die。 He should have left her wrapped up in saidin； left her to be dealt with somehow when he came back from Caemlyn。 Slamming the door open； he strode out onto the quay … and stopped。
Enaila headed a line of Maidens； each with three spears in her hands； a line leading back from the dockmaster's door； vanishing into the nearest of the gates to the city。 Some of the Aielmen on the dockside eyed them curiously； but it was obviously something between Far Dareis Mai and the Car'a'carn； and no business of any other society。 Amys and three or four other Wise Ones who had once been Maidens were watching more closely。 Most of the non…Aiel had gone； except for a few men nervously righting overturned grain carts and trying to look elsewhere。 Enaila stepped toward Rand； then halted and smiled as Sulin came out。 Not relief。 Pleasure。 Smiles of pleasure running back down that long line of Maidens。 Smiles on those Wise Ones； too； and a sharp nod for him from Amys as if he had put an end to some idiotic behavior。
〃I thought maybe they were going to go in one at a time and kiss you out of your miseries；〃 Mat said。
Rand frowned at him； standing there leaning on his spear and grinning； wide…brimmed hat tipped back on his head。 〃How can you be so cheerful？〃 The smell of seared flesh still hung in the air； and the moans of burned men and women being cared for by Wise Ones。
〃Because I'm alive；〃 Mat snarled。 〃What do you want me to do； cry？〃 He shrugged unfortably。 〃Amys says Egwene really will be all right in a few days。〃 He did look around then； but as though he did not want to see what he saw。 〃Burn me； if we're going to do this thing； let's do it。 Dovie'andi se tovya sagain。〃
〃What？〃
〃I said； it's time to roll the dice。 Did Sulin stop up your ears？〃
〃Time to roll the dice；〃 Rand agreed。 The flames had died inside the glassy chimney of Air； but the white smoke still rose as though flames yet consumed the ter'angreal。 Moiraine。 He should have。。。 Done was done。 The Maidens were crowding down around Sulin； as many as would fit onto the quay。 Done was done； and he had to live with it。 Death would be a release from what he had to live with。 〃Let's do it。〃
Chapter 54
（Dragon）
To Caemlyn
Five hundred of the Maidens behind Sulin acpanied Rand back to the Royal Palace； where Bael waited