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It was a high price we all paid for Halab's dreams。 My brothers plained of it frequently in private。 But they were meek men who crept around the shame。 My father also never spoke of it publicly。 Not out of fear for himself； but for his family and the generations to e。 I do know he hated the Evocators。 It was a hate he shared with my sister and myself。
Rali stirred on the couch。 She smiled at me； but I could tell from the weary tilt of her lips； her thoughts had roamed the same gloomy woods as my own。 〃Give me a week；〃 she said。 〃You know how Father dotes on me。 But I'll still need time to work my daughterly wiles。〃
'Take Otara with you when you visit；〃 I advised。 〃He always enjoys her pany。〃
〃Oh； I will。 I will。 But you must promise me one thing； darling brother；〃 she said。
〃Anything。 Name the mountain； and I'll climb it。 The desert； and I'll cross it。 The treasure； and I'll steal it。〃
〃Can you stay out of trouble？〃
〃Much more difficult；〃 I said。 〃But I'll try my best。。。 I promise。〃
〃I AM NOT inclined to favor this expedition；〃 my father said。 His words caught me unprepared。 Rah' had laid the groundwork well； and I had been certain he would approve。
〃You must； Father；〃 I pleaded。 〃I doubt there shall ever be such an opportunity in my lifetime。 Please； you must give me your blessing。〃
〃There is nothing I must do； Amalric；〃 my father replied 〃Except pay my tithes to the Council of Evocators； my taxes to the Magistrates； and a gold coin to the Seeker； to make my passage to the other world painless and swift。 These things； I must do。 Favoring a foolish voyage by a hotheaded stripling of a son is fortunately not a requirement of my existence。〃
〃Forgive me for using that word； Father；〃 I said； chastened。 〃But please tell me what I can say to convince you。 Is it the goal itself you find unworthy？ Do you doubt the existence of the Far Kingdoms？〃 My father only looked at me。 Not angrily； not sternly； but with great weariness。 He did not have to use words to answer。 I remember my father being very old at that time； although I am much older now than he was on that day of confrontation。 His hair was white； close cropped like a helmet； in the manner of his generation。 He had a small； neat beard…also white。 His face was lined and his skin leathered from exposure in his travels。 His hands were larger than most and spotted with age。 But I realize now Paphos Karima Antero…the patriarch of our family…was only a few years past his prime； and the great age I recall is more a view from my own； very tender years。 He seemed so wise； then。 I suppose I viewed him a bit like a god。 So when he fixed me with that look； my heart sank and I felt small and unworthy。 For I saw it was myself who was lacking。 I was the reason the journey to the Far Kingdoms was not to be。
Except for the crackling of the fire in the stone hollow behind my father's desk against the chill only he felt； there was no sound in the room as I considered how to plead my cause。 〃I know I have been a grave disappointment to you； Father；〃 I said at last。 〃My conduct has been unforgivable。 To say I am deeply and truly sorry would be such a weak repayment for my sins that no apology…no matter how abject…should weigh the balance in my favor。〃
My father continued his steady； testing gaze。
'This may appear like a sudden； wild enthusiasm on my part。 And considering my past history； I would also reject my plan； if I were a father with such a son。 But； I beg you； sir； to look into my heart and see the truth that lies there。 I desire nothing more than to please you。 To wipe away all thought of suspicion of my future motives。 To be worthy of the Antero name； so my father can speak proudly in the marketplace。〃 I fell silent； not sure how to proceed。
〃Is that all you have to say？' my father asked； voice harsh。
〃No； sir。 I also wish to make clear that no matter what your decision； I shall accept it without plaint； and I shall do my best to acplish whatever Finding you deem worthy for one such as me。 However； before you firmly shut the door； sir； please consider this。 For most men my age； a Finding is only an excuse to travel and pleasure themselves at their fathers' expense。 No new ground is ever broken。 Knowledge of the world is not expanded。 And our trade routes still bump against the same forces that keep Orissans from achieving their true purpose。 Your generation was the last to push those bounds back； sir。 You； yourself； dared to redraw the maps with your Finding many years ago。 And much of our knowledge of the furthest western regions es from your later trading expeditions。 But you must admit； the tradition of Finding One's Tradewind has bee a mockery in these days。 It is an excuse for the sons of the rich to spend their fathers' money on foreign luxuries and women and wine； out of sight of prudish Orissan eyes。 And they return with nothing but a firsthand knowledge of the best taverns and sporting houses in the civilized world。〃
〃You propose to be different？〃 my father said； dryly。
〃Yes； I do； Father。 For this reason； I ask for no more than a tenth of the funds usually allotted。 This is to be a real Finding； sir。 I will not purchase a fancy wardrobe to impress the courtesans。 Nor do I request coin for an entourage of my friends as is the current custom。 Nor do I desire any of the luxuries such caravans usually carry： fine tents and carpets and pillows to ease the passage； wines and delicacies to soothe the pallet after much barbarian fare； slaves to do all the labor； or women to relieve our passions when local pleasures are denied us。 I intend for this expedition to be as lean and professionally equipped as I can make it。 And with such a small expense there is a good possibility it will be profitable； even if we do not reach our goal。 I further believe； sir； that I was most fortunate in meeting Captain Greycloak； a man whose presence doubly assures success in any such venture。〃
〃What if I approved the Finding； but to a different destination？〃 my father asked。
〃I would do the same in all things； sir；〃 I answered。 〃Except I would not do it so well； because I would not have Captain Greycloak in my pany。 I would be disappointed； to be sure。 But proving to you my worthiness； Father； is more important to me than avoiding disappointment。〃 I stopped； then。 For no other arguments presented themselves。 I braced for his rejection。 Begging Halab's ghost to help me take his refusal well。
There came a tapping at the door。 My father's servant； Tegry； poked his head in。 I saw a small grin of pleasure on his features。 It grew larger when he spied my obvious disfort。 He was chuckling to himself； no doubt； that I was finally to get proper punishment for my actions。
〃What is it？〃 my father asked； testy。 Tegry's grin vanished。 My father's tone was dangerous。
〃You asked to be informed； master； when Captain Greycloak arrived。〃
I was dismayed。 Obviously； my father had asked Janos to attend my final humiliation。 I tried not to be angry because this would be a rudeness to Janos as well。 〃Send him in；〃 my father said。 〃And bring us some wine。 None of that vinegar from the marketplace； mind you。 Fetch a good bottle from my cellar。〃 My gut wrenched as T