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〃No； they didn't。〃
〃And it hasn't turned up in her household possessions yet？〃
〃No； I asked Cal about it。〃
〃Odd。〃
〃She may have lost it；〃 Cynthia said。 〃Maybe it's being cleaned。〃
〃Maybe。〃
Cynthia said to me； 〃Paul； if we had found her on that rifle range alive； and she was right here with us now； what would you say to her？〃
〃What would you say to her？ You're the rape counselor。〃
〃I'm asking you。〃
〃Okay。 I'd say to her that whatever happened in the past should be dealt with in a healthy way； not a destructive way。 That she needed good counseling； not bad counseling； that she should try to find a spiritual answer to her pain； that she should try to forgive the person or persons who 。。。 mistreated her and took advantage of her。 I'd tell her she was an important and worthwhile human being with a lot to live for； and that people would care about her in a good way if she started caring about herself。 That's what I'd say to her。〃
Cynthia nodded。 〃Yes； that's what someone should have said to her。 Maybe someone did。 But something bad happened to her； and what we see and hear is her response to that。 This type of behavior in a bright； educated； attractive； and professionally successful woman is often the result of 。。。 some past trauma。〃
〃Such as？〃
We left the hangar and walked out into the cool evening。 The moon had set and you could see a billion stars in the clear Georgia sky。 I looked out across the huge dark expanse of Jordan Field； recalling when it was lit every night； and remembering a particular flight that used to e in after midnight two or three times a week。 I said to Cynthia； 〃I unloaded bodies from Vietnam here。〃
She didn't respond。
I said； 〃If they don't bury her here in Midland； this is where everyone will gather after church to see her off。 Tomorrow or the next day； I guess。〃
〃Will we be here？〃
〃I plan to be。〃
We went to her car and she said to me； 〃In answer to your question 。。。 I think her father is the key to her behavior。 You know； a domineering figure； pushed her into the military； tried to control her life； a weak mother； extended absences； lots of moving around the world； total dependence on and deference to his career。 She rebels in the only way she knows how。 It's all pretty much textbook stuff。〃
We got in the car and I said； 〃Right。 But there are a million well…adjusted daughters out there with the same backgrounds。〃
〃I know。 But it's how you handle it。〃
〃I'm thinking about a more 。。。 abnormal relationship with her father that would explain her hate。〃
We headed toward the gates of the airfield。 She said； 〃I know what you're saying； and I thought that； too。 But if you think rape and murder are hard to prove； try proving incest。 I wouldn't touch that if I were you； Paul。 That one could hurt you。〃
〃Right。 My first case as a CID officer was a barracks theft。 Look how far I've e。 Next step； the abyss。〃
CHAPTER TWENTY
Cynthia parked at the VOQ； and we took the outside staircase up to the second floor and found our rooms。 〃Well；〃 she said； 〃good night。〃
〃Well；〃 I replied； 〃I'm bursting with energy； second wind； too wound up to sleep； adrenaline pumping； and all that。 How about a little TV and a drink？〃
〃I don't think so。〃
〃We'd be better off not sleeping at this point。 You'll feel worse when you have to get up。 We'll just relax； shower； change； and off to Colonel Fowler's。〃
〃Well； maybe 。。。 but 。。。〃
〃e on in。〃 I opened my door； and she followed me inside。 She picked up the phone and called the charge…of…quarters person and left a wake…up call for 0530 hours。 She said to me； 〃Just in case we pass out。〃
〃Good idea；〃 I said。 〃Well； as it turns out； I can't offer you a drink； and I don't see a TV here。 How about charades？〃
〃Paul 。。。〃
〃Yes？〃
〃I can't do this。〃
〃Then how about rock； scissors； and paper？ Do you know how to play that？ It's easy…〃
〃I can't stay here。 This has been an upsetting day for me。 This wouldn't be right。 It wouldn't be any good； anyway。〃 And so on。
I said； 〃I understand。 Go get some sleep。 I'll call you when I get the wake…up call。〃
〃Okay。 Sorry。 I'll leave the bathroom doors unbolted。〃
〃Fine。 See you in a few hours。〃
〃Good night。〃 She went toward the bathroom door； turned and came back； kissed me lightly on the lips； started to cry； then disappeared into the bathroom。 I heard the water running； then heard the other door open to her room； then silence。
I undressed and hung my clothes and got into bed。 I must have passed out within seconds； then the next thing I remember is the phone ringing。 I answered it； expecting to hear a wake…up call； or hear Cynthia's voice asking me to e to her room。 But； no； it was the deep； bass voice of Colonel Fowler。 〃Brenner？〃
〃Yes； sir。〃
〃Sleeping？〃
〃No； sir。〃
〃Good。 Do you take milk？〃
〃Excuse me？〃
〃I don't have any milk or cream； Brenner。〃
〃That's okay…〃
〃I wanted to let you know。〃
〃Thank you； Colonel。〃
I thought I heard a laugh before the phone went dead。 My watch said it was nearly five A。M。； so I got up； stumbled into the bathroom； turned on the shower； and got under it。 What a day。 Half of it didn't even seem real。 I was firing on two cylinders and my tank was on empty。 But I needed about forty…eight more hours at this pace； then I'd be out of here in a blaze of glory； or I'd crash in flames。
Personal and career considerations aside； there was something very wrong here at Fort Hadley； a festering sore； and it needed to be lanced and washed clean。 That much I knew I could do。
Through the rippled glass and steam on the shower door； I saw a figure standing in the entrance to Cynthia's room。 〃Okay if I e in？〃
〃Sure。〃
She was wearing something white； probably a nightshirt； and disappeared into the stall where the toilet was。 A few minutes later she reappeared and went to the sink； her back to me。 She washed her face and called out over the noise of the shower； 〃How do you feel？〃
〃Fine。 How about you？〃
〃Not bad。 Did I hear your phone ring？〃
〃Yes。 Colonel Fowler。 Just a harassment call。〃
She laughed。 〃You deserve it。〃 She began brushing her teeth。
My phone rang again； and I said； 〃That's the CQ。 Can you get it？〃
She rinsed her mouth。 〃Sure。〃 She went into my room and came back a few seconds later。 〃It's five…thirty。〃 She went back to the sink； gargled； then asked me； 〃Are you taking one of your marathon showers？〃
〃Yes。 Do you want to save time？〃
Silence。 Maybe that was too subtle。 〃Cynthia？〃
She turned away from the sink； and I heard her say to herself； 〃Oh； what the hell。〃
I saw her pull off her nightshirt； and she opened the shower door and stepped inside。 〃Do my back。〃
So I did。 Then I did her front。 We embraced and kissed； and the water ran over us； and our bodies pressed closer together。 The body remembers an old lover； I think； and a flood of good memories came back to me； and it was as if we were in Brussels again。 Woody remembered； too； and rose happily； like an old hound dog whose master walks in the door after a year's absence。 Ruff； ruff！
〃Paul 。。。 it's all right 。。。 go ahead。〃
〃Yes； it's all right。 It's good。 Here or in bed？〃
〃Here。 Now。〃
But； as luck