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pgw.piccadillyjim-第33章

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 〃It's like this;〃 he said。 〃Miss Ann and me had got it all fixed up to kidnap the kid!〃
 〃What!〃
 〃Say; I don't mean ordinary kidnapping。 It's this way。 Miss Ann e to me and we agree that the kid's a pest that had ought to have some strong…arm keep him in order; so we decide to get him away to a friend of mine who keeps a dogs' hospital down on Long Island。 Bud Smithers is the guy to handle that kid。 You ought to see him take hold of a dog that's all grouch and ugliness and make it over into a dog that it's a pleasure to have around。 I thought a few weeks with Bud was what the doctor ordered for Ogden; and Miss Ann guessed I was right; so we had it all framed。 And now this happens and balls everything up! She can't do nothing with a husky kid like that without me to help her。 And how am I going to help her if I'm not allowed in the house?〃
 Jimmy was conscious of a renewed admiration for a girl whom he had always considered a queen among women。 How rarely in this world did one find a girl who bined every feminine charm of mind and body with a resolute determination to raise Cain at the slightest provocation!
 〃What an absolutely corking idea!〃
 Jerry smirked modestly at the approbation; but returned instantly to his gloom。
 〃You get me now? What am I to say to her? She'll be sore!〃
 〃The problem;〃 Jimmy had begun; 〃is one which; as you suggest; presents certain〃 when there was a knock at the door and the head of the boarding…house's maid…of…all…work popped in。
 〃Mr。 Bayliss; is Mr。 Mitchell? Oh; say; Mr。 Mitchell; there's a lady down below wants to see you。 Says her name's Chester。〃
 Jerry looked at Jimmy appealingly。
 〃What'll I do?〃
 〃Do nothing;〃 said Jimmy; rising and reaching for his shoes。 〃I'll go down and see her。 I can explain for you。〃
 〃It's mighty good of you。〃
 〃It will be a pleasure。 Rely on me。〃
 Ann; who had returned from her drive shortly after the Ogden disaster and had instantly proceeded to the boarding…house; had been shown into the parlour。 Jimmy found her staring in a rapt way at a statuette of the Infant Samuel which stood near a bowl of wax fruit on the mantelpiece。 She was feeling aggrieved with Fate and extremely angry with Jerry Mitchell; and she turned at the sound of the opening door with a militant expression in her eyes; which changed to one of astonishment on perceiving who it was that had e in。
 〃Mr。 Bayliss!〃
 〃Good evening; Miss Chester。 We; so to speak; meet again。 I have e as an intermediary。 To be brief; Jerry Mitchell daren't face you; so I offered to e down instead。〃
 〃But howbut why are you here?〃
 〃I live here。〃 He followed her gaze。 It rested on a picture of cows in a field。 〃Late American school;〃 he said。 〃Attributed to the landlady's niece; a graduate of the Wissahickon; Pa。 Correspondence School of Pictorial Art。 Said to be genuine。〃
 〃You live here?〃 repeated Ann。 She had been brought up all her life among the carefully thought out effects of eminent interior decorators; and the room seemed more dreadful to her than it actually was。 〃What an awful room!〃
 〃Awful? You must be overlooking the piano。 Can't you see the handsome plush cover from where you are standing? Move a little to the southeast and shade your eyes。 We get music here of an eveningwhen we don't see it ing and sidestep。〃
 〃Why in the name of goodness do you live here; Mr。 Bayliss?〃
 〃Because; Miss Chester; I am infernally hard up! Because the Bayliss bank…roll has been stricken with a wasting sickness。〃
 Ann was looking at him incredulously。
 〃Butbutthen; did you really mean all that at lunch the other day? I thought you were joking。 I took it for granted that you could get work whenever you wanted to or you wouldn't have made fun of it like that! Can't you really find anything to do?〃
 〃Plenty to do。 But I'm not paid for it。 I walk a great number of blocks and jump into a great number of cars and dive into elevators and dive out again and open doors and say 'Good morning' when people tell me they haven't a job for me。 My days are quite full; but my pocket…book isn't!〃
 Ann had forgotten all about her errand in her sympathy。
 〃I'm so sorry。 Why; it's terrible! I should have thought you could have found something。〃
 〃I thought the same till the employers of New York in a body told me I couldn't。 Men of widely differing views on religion; politics; and a hundred other points; they were unanimous on that。 The nearest I came to being a financial Titan was when I landed a job in a store on Broadway; demonstrating a patent collar…clip at ten dollars a week。 For awhile all Nature seemed to be shouting 'Ten per! Ten per!' than which there are few sweeter words in the language。 But I was fired half…way through the second day; and Nature changed her act。〃
 〃But why?〃
 〃It wasn't my fault。 Just Fate。 This contrivance was called Klipstone's Kute Kollar…Klip; and it was supposed to make it easy for you to fasten your tie。 My job was to stand in the window in my shirt…sleeves; gnashing my teeth and registering baffled rage when I tried the old; obsolete method and beaming on the multitude when I used the Klip。 Unfortunately I got the cards mixed。 I beamed when I tried the old; obsolete method and nearly burst myself with baffled fury just after I had exhibited the card bearing the words 'I will now try Klipstone's Kute Klip。' I couldn't think what the vast crowd outside the window was laughing at till the boss; who chanced to pause on the outskirts of the gathering on his way back from lunch; was good enough to tell me。 Nothing that I could say would convince him that I was not being intentionally humorous。 I was sorry to lose the job; though it did make me feel like a goldfish。 But talking of being fired brings us back to Jerry Mitchell。〃
 〃Oh; never mind Jerry Mitchell now〃
 〃On the contrary; let us discuss his case and the points arising from it with care and concentration。 Jerry Mitchell has told me all!〃
 Ann was startled。
 〃What do you mean?〃
 〃The word 'all;'〃 said Jimmy; 〃is slang for 'everything。' You see in me a confidant。 In a word; I am hep。〃
 〃You know?〃
 〃Everything。 A colloquialism;〃 explained Jimmy; 〃for 'all。' About Ogden; you know。 The scheme。 The plot。 The enterprise。〃
 Ann found nothing to say。
 〃I am thoroughly in favour of the plan。 So much so that I propose to assist you by taking Jerry's place。〃
 〃I don't understand。〃
 〃Do you remember at lunch that day; after that remarkable person had mistaken me for Jimmy Crocker; you suggested in a light; casual way that if I were to walk into your uncle's office and claim to be Jimmy Crocker I should he weled without a question? I'm going to do it。 Then; once aboard the luggeronce in the house; I am at your orders。 Use me exactly as you would have used Jerry Mitchell。〃
 〃Butbut!〃
 〃Jerry!〃 said Jimmy scornfully。 〃Can't I do everything that he could have done? And more。 A bonehead like Jerry would have been certain to have bungled the thing somehow。 I know him well。 A good fellow; but in matters requiring intellect and swift thought dead from the neck up。 It's a very lucky thing he is out of the running。 I love him like a brother; but his dome is of ivory。 This job requires a man of ta
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