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I loved her for her mind and for her beauty。 And for her womb； admittedly。
Let's be honest here。
Brutally honest。
I also loved her for her beautiful； creative； harbouring womb； which would be the birth of me。
But I never cared about her money。 Not in the least。 I am not a materialist。
Don't misunderstand。 I am not a half…baked spiritualist with no regard for the material realities of existence； God forbid； but neither am I a materialist。
As in all things； I strike a balance。
Searching Susan's accounting records； I discovered that the car Fritz Arling drove was owned by Susan。 It was provided to him as a fringe benefit。
'Yes； of course；' I said in Susan's voice； with impeccable timbre and inflection； 'the car。'
I suppose I was a second or two late with my response。
Hesitation can be incriminating。
Yet I still believed that my lapse must seem like nothing more than the fuzzy reply of a woman distracted by a long list of personal problems。
Mr。 Dustin Hoffman； the immortal actor； effectively portrayed a woman in Tootsie； more believably than Mr。 Gene Hackman and Mr。 Tom Hanks； and I do not say that my impersonation of Susan on the inter was in any way parable with Mr。 Hoffman's award…winning performance； but I was pretty damn good。
'Unfortunately；' I said as Susan； 'you've e around at an inconvenient time。 My fault； not yours； Fritz。 I should have known you would e。 But it is inconvenient； and I'm afraid I can't see you right now。'
'Oh； no need to see me； Mrs。 Harris。' He held up the valise。 'I'll leave the keys and credit cards in the Honda； right there in the driveway。'
I could see that this entire business his sudden dismissal； the dismissal of the entire staff； Susan's reaction to his returning the car troubled him。 He was not a stupid man； and he knew that something was wrong。
Let him be troubled。 As long as he went away。
His sense of propriety and discretion should prevent him from acting upon his curiosity。
'How will you get home；' I asked； realizing that Susan might have expressed such a concern earlier than this。 'Shall I call a taxi for you？'
He stared at the camera lens for a long moment。
That frown again。
Damn that frown。
Then he said； 'No。 Please don't trouble yourself； Mrs。 Harris。 There's a cellular phone in the Honda。 I'll call my own cab and wait outside the gate。'
Seeing that Arling had not been acpanied by anyone in another vehicle； the real Susan would not have asked if he wished to have a taxi but would have at once assured him that she was providing it at her own expense。
My error。
I admit to errors。
Do you； Dr。 Harris？
Do you？
Anyway。 。 。
Perhaps I impersonated Mr。 Fozzy Bear better than I did Susan。 After all； as actors go； I am quite young。 I have been a conscious entity less than three years。
Nevertheless； I felt that my error was sufficiently minor to excite nothing more than mild curiosity in even our perceptive former major domo。
'Well；' he said； 'I'll be going。'
And； chagrined； I knew that again I had missed a beat。 Susan would have said something immediately after he suggested that he call his own taxicab； would not merely have waited coldly and silently for him to leave。
I said； 'Thank you； Fritz。 Thank you for all your years of fine service。'
That was wrong too。 Stiff。 Wooden。 Not like Susan。
Arling stared at the lens。
Stared thoughtfully。
After struggling with his highly developed sense of propriety； he finally asked one question that exceeded his station： 'Are you all right； Mrs。 Harris？'
We were walking the edge now。
Along the abyss。
A bottomless abyss。
He had spent his life learning to be sensitive to the moods and needs of wealthy employers； so he could fulfil their requests before they even voiced them。 He knew Susan Harris almost as well as she knew herself and perhaps better than I knew her。
I had underestimated him。
Human beings are full of surprises。
An unpredictable species。
Speaking as Susan； answering Arling's question； I said； 'I'm fine； Fritz。 Just tired。 I need a change。 A lot of change。 Big change。 I intend to travel for a long time。 Bee a vagabond for a year or two； maybe longer。 I want to drive all over the country。 I want to see the Painted Desert； the Grand Canyon； New Orleans and the bayou country； the Rockies and the great plains and Boston in the autumn…'
This had been a fine speech when delivered to Louis Davendale； but even as I repeated it with genuine heart to Fritz Arling； I knew that it was precisely the wrong thing to say。 Davendale was Susan's attorney； and Arling was her servant； and she would not address them in the same manner。
Yet I was well launched and unable to turn back； hoping against hope that the tide of words would eventually overwhelm him and wash him on his way： '…and the beaches of Key West in sunshine and thunderstorms； eat fresh salmon in Seattle and a hero sandwich in Philadelphia…'
Arling's frown deepened into a scowl。
He felt the wrongness of Susan's babbled reply。
'…and crab cakes in Mobile； Alabama。 I've virtually lived my life in this damn house； and now I want to see and smell and touch and hear the whole world firsthand…'
Arling looked around at the still； silent grounds of the large estate。 Squinting into sunlight； into shadows。 As if suddenly disturbed by the loneliness of the place。
'…not in the form of digitised data…'
If Arling suspected that his former employer was in trouble even psychological trouble of some kind he would act to assist and protect her。 He would seek help for her。 He would pester the authorities to check in on her。 He was a loyal man。
Ordinarily； loyalty is an admirable quality。
I am not speaking against loyalty。
Do not misconstrue my position。
I admire loyalty。
I favour loyalty。
I myself have the capacity to be loyal。
In this instance； however； Arling's loyalty to Susan was a threat to me。
'…not merely through video and books；' I said； winding to a fateful finish。 'I want to be immersed in it。'
'Yes； well；' he said uneasily； 'I'm happy for you； Mrs。 Harris。 That sounds like a wonderful plan。'
We were falling off the edge。
Into the abyss。
In spite of all my efforts to handle the situation in the least aggressive manner； we were tumbling into the abyss。
You can see that I tried my best。
What more could I have done？
Nothing。 I could have done nothing more。
What followed was not my fault。
Arling said； 'I'll just leave all the keys and credit cards in the Honda…'
Shenk was all the way back in the incubator room； all the way down in the basement。
'…and call for a taxi on the car phone；' Arling finished； sounding plausibly disinterested； even though I knew that he was alerted and wary。
I manded Shenk to turn away from his work。
I brought him up from the basement。
I brought the brute at a run。
Fritz Arling backed off the brick porch； glancing alternately at the security camera and at the steel blind behind the window to the left of the front door。