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Toy badges。
〃Junior Deputy〃 at the bottom。 〃SheriffJohn's Lunch Brigade〃 at the top。
I blinked。 The Belgian Congo disappeared and cohered as Darktown L。A。 A bazaboo bipped in front of the car。 I missed him by a snatch…hair margin。
Oscar said； 〃You can't pass this up。 It's too sweet。 You'll do anything to prove you're not a crap…your…pants crybaby。〃
I gulped。 I popped a sweat。 I saw the Pharaoh Club three doors down and pulled to the curb。
I wore a babaloo bongo shirt and peg pants。 Oscar wore a nutward robe and pj's。 Hepcats； hipsters； and hopheads knew our faces。
Oscar said； 〃Fearful 〃faigeleh〃 fiddle…faddles while〃
I jumped out of the car。 Oscar jumped out。 We squared off on the sidewalk。 Oscar passed me my badge。 I concocted an intro line and pushed the door open。
We entered Pharaoh's Tomb。 A big 〃schvartze〃 in Egyptian threads materialized。 I caught the layout behind him。
Black crepe walls。 Tables shaped like scarabs going sixty…nine。 A bandstand inlaid with a gold…embossed Ramses II holding crossed scepters。 A jazz bo decked out in fezzesblasting to an allsepia crowd。
Steam seeped through some ceiling cracks。 The spa was upstairs。
The 〃schvartze〃 eyeballed Oscar's pajamas。 〃You lookin' for a bed； or you e for some milk and cookies？〃
Oscar flashed his badge and said； 〃Fuck you； King Tut。〃
The 〃schvartze〃 laughed。
I reached for my intro line。 I lost it in the flight path of Marijuana Airways。 I said the first thing that hit my head：
〃My name's Friday。 I carry a badge。〃
Fuckstraight out of 〃Dragnet〃。
The 〃schvartze〃 laughed。 He leaned back and howled。 His sheik shirt rolled above his sheik pants。 He packed a beavertail sap in his waistband。
Oscar grabbed the sap and cracked him in the head。 The 〃schvartze〃 hit the side wall and knocked a liquor license loose。 I grabbed him by his conk and bent his head back。 Oscar cracked him again。
He spit out some denture debris and a slice of his tongue。 Oscar said； 〃Who's holding？ Who's got the stuff to feed the monkey on my back？〃
The 〃schvartze〃 quaked and quivered。 I dropped his head。 Oscar propped it up with the sap。
〃I asked you； 'Who's holding？' Who's got the doughnuts； the strudel； the 〃shit？〃〃
The 〃schvartze〃 stammered； stuttered； and pointed upstairs。 He got out a string of popped P's and the single word 〃Playboy。〃
Go； Oscar！
The 〃schvartze〃 stammered and stuttered。 He got out more popped P's and the words 〃Please don't hit me！〃
I looked at Oscar。 Oscar looked at me。 We tore through the Pharaoh Club。
People laughed。 People snickered。 People ducked and dove under their tables。 Oscar's robe billowed。 It snagged on chair backs and chicken…and…waffle plates。 We distracted the bo。 They blew their beat。 〃Bumble Boogie〃 bent off…key。
We ran up the backstairs。 We kicked down a door marked Private。 Black faces poked out of a steam cloud。 Dissipating dope drifted through it。 Oscar sucked the shit into his lungs and swung his sap blind。
A black blip blipped into black…and…red。 Blood spritzed through the cloud。 I heard bones crack。 I heard a man scream。 Oscar yelled； 〃Where's Playboy？〃
A black face yelled； 〃Out back！〃 A black face yelled； 〃The parking lot！〃 A black face yelled； 〃Out back with some white guy！〃
We ran downstairs。 We kicked down an exit door。 That voodoo moon lit up the parking lot。 I saw a white man and a Negro man huddled by a '49 Olds。
They had their backs to us。 I tapped Oscar and made the 〃sssshhh〃 sigh。 Oscar nodded and zipped his lips shut。
We tiptoed up。 I heard every word they said。
The white man said； 〃You weren't supposed to pull heists。 That was part of our deal。〃
The Negro man said； 〃〃Sheeit〃。〃
The white man said； 〃You were supposed to recruit colored tail for the movie gig and chauffeur the girls out of Sybil Brand； and that's fucking all you were supposed to do。〃
The Negro man said； 〃I didn't like the way that Harvey creep was lookin' at my bitch。〃
The white man said； 〃He's harmless。 All he wants to do is take pictures。〃
Oscar held up his badge and said； 〃Freeze； shitbirds。〃
The men turned around。 I made them from the 〃Mirror…News〃。
Cal DinkinsLAPD bull。 Rudy 〃Playboy〃 Wellsrobber。
Dinkins laughed。 Wells laughed。 I dug my feet into the ground and reinforced my spastic sphincter。 Dinkins said； 〃Holy shit！ Oscar Levant and Dick Contino。〃
Oscar said； 〃We just look like those punks。 It's part of our cover。 Cough up the dope； Playboy。〃
The word 〃Playboy〃 tripped Playboy's trigger。 He looked at Dinkins。 The look said； 〃They know us。〃 Dinkins said； 〃Kill them。〃
Oscar twitched and dropped his sap。 Playboy pulled a shiv and flicked his tongue down the blade。 Blood trickled over his lips。 He licked it off and giggled。
I kicked him in the balls。 He jackknifed。 I pried the shiv out of his hand and jammed it in his right eye。 Oscar picked up the sap and whacked Dinkins in the knees。
Dinkins yelped。 Playboy screamed。 I pulled the shiv out of his eye and lashed it across Dinkins's throat。 It snagged on his windpipe。 I pulled it out loose and ripped Dinkins down to the breastbone。
They gurgled。 They spat blood。 They hit their knees in one big convulsion。 I picked them up and tossed them in the '49 Olds。 Oscar picked their pockets。
They gurgled。 They spat blood。 They moaned。 I saw a hunk of hose on the seat beside them。 I got a flick…their…ID…up idea。
I popped the gas cap and stuck the hose in the tank。 I siphoned six inches of ethyl and spat it in their two gasping gullets。 They choked。 They gasped。 They opened up 〃wiiiide〃。
I pulled the gun off Dinkins's hip。 I popped the clip。 I dropped four slugs in his mouth and fed three to Playboy。 I chased them with two matches。
The bullets blew up。 I heard dental work destroyed and saw detective work deconstructed。 They shot mouth flames。 They scorched the upholstery。 The Olds went up like Cinder City。
Oscar shook and twitched。 He lit a cigarette off the car flames and killed it in a third of a drag。
I picked him up。 I threw him over my shoulder and ran。
3
I opened my eyes。 I saw the mash notes and the girls taped to my ceiling。
It all came back。 I almost pissed in my pajamas。
I got Oscar back to Mount Sinai。 We tossed Playboy's billfold en route。 I kept Cal Dinkins's address book。 I wanted to know who he knew。 Maybe I could frame some freak for my murders。
I was hung over from Maryjane and mayhem。 I made up for the men I didn't kill in Korea。 They sheltered me in Seoul。 They didn't know that candid cowards could kill with correct provocation。
I was scared。
I showed my face at 83rd and Central。 Oscar showed his face and shot off his dope…deprived mouth。 People knew us。 We were penny…ante public personas。 Oscar played piano and portrayed pissants in a dozen flicks in constant rerun。 A Pharaoh Club patron might see 〃Humoresque〃 and buzz the fuzz。 My career might soar and plant my puss in a million memory banks。 I might fall from cloud nine to the gas chamber。
I stared at my ceiling。 I strafed words and pix。 I lingered on 〃I want you〃 and a blonde with a heat rash。
Yesterday and today。