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I skimmed the rest of the rag。 I caught some sin…sational bits that played like prime Oscar。
Johnnie Ray honked a vice cop at the Vine Street Derby。 The pull…quote was pure Levant： 〃He took the law into his own hands。〃 LEZabeth Scott frequented a sapphic whorehouse。 Matchheadhot James Dean was a mumble…mouthed masochist known as the 〃Human Ashtray。〃 George Burns liked it dark and dusky。 He was spotted at a browntown motel with two large congo cuties。
People told Oscar things。 They overestimated his dope habit and dumped their shameful shit wholesale。 They underestimated his memory。
Oscar heard all； remembered all； and told all。 People looked at Oscar and saw all their sinful stuff personified and multiplied。 They overestimated his empathy。 They underestimated his guile。 They flocked to the nut ward。 They sought Oscar out。 Oscar fed their secret shit to an L。A。 cop named Freddy Otash。 Otash paid him off in dope and shot the shit straight to 〃Hush…Hush〃。
I skimmed the rest of my clips。 L。 Trent Woodard sunk his hooks under my skin。
The L。A。 〃Herald〃； 12/19/53：
Woodard calls Chief William H。 Parker 〃the führer of the LAPD。〃 He calls me a 〃sacrificial lamb〃 two columns down。
The L。A。 〃Times〃； 1/8/54：
Woodard calls the LAPD 〃an occupation force。〃 He calls me a 〃Police…State Victim〃 three columns down。
The L。A。 〃Mirror〃； 2/20/54：
Woodard boohoos 〃the forces that condemned Dick Contino。〃 He rags the LAPD and the L。A。 County Sheriff's for a botched robbery job。
The city cops and the county cops were working a joint gig。 They had the Scrivner's Drive…In at Ivar and Sunset nailed down tight。 They got the drop on four bad Negroes。
A cop popped his piece premature。 Six cops and four stick…up men threw fire。 Three Negroes and two carhops went down dead。
The LAPD blamed the Sheriff's。 The Sheriff's blamed the LAPD。 Chief Parker blamed Sheriff Biscailuz。 Sheriff Biscailuz blamed Chief Parker。 A heist guy named Rudy 〃Playboy〃 Wells escaped。 A city cop named Cal Dinkins caught the blame。
Three pix ran with the piece。 Dinkins wore a lot of fat and a tall flattop。 Wells wore dark skin and a big boogie conk。
They ran a Fed mug shot of me。 I wore tear tracks and a grimace。
I dumped the clips in the front seat。 Howard turned around。 His hands flew off the wheel。 A truck almost blitzed us。
〃Dick； Jesus Christ。 I had them in chronological order。 You can't just〃
〃That Woodard guy is putting me in shit up to my ears。 He's making me look like a fellow traveler。〃
We slid into oning traffic。 Howard grabbed the wheel and slid us out。 〃We'll work around it。 We'll get you to snitch off some left…wing types and boost your credentials that way。〃
〃I don't know any left…wing types。〃
Howard smiled。 〃We'll work around it。 There's a guy at Metro I'd love to put the screws to。〃
The iron lung was 6' by 8' and weighed two tons。 The lung girl was pale and skinny。
She was propped up inside the thing lengthwise。 Her head poked out the top。 She saw me and got choked up。 Her tears hit the lung ledge and sizzled。 The thing ran twice as hot as a clothes dryer。
A kid brought my loaner。
The keys jammed。 The buttons stuck。 The bellows creaked bad。 The strap gouged a zit on my back。
The kid brought half the Belmont High wind section。 A boss blonde blew lead tenor。 She buzzed around me。 I told Howard to check her ID and note the date she turned legal。
Howard promised me reporters。 He delivered。 The kiddie press showed up en masse。 Six high school papers sent scribes。 The lung ward ran SRO。
I strapped in and played to the lung girl。 I pounded my pelvis and humped my hips and socked my sockets out at right angles。 I played 〃Sabre Dance；〃 〃The Beer Barrel Polka；〃 and 〃Cherry Pink and Apple Blossom White。〃
I strutted。 I writhed。 I sprayed sweat laced with Old Spice cologne。 My Tiger Wax melted。 My pompadour dropped into my eyes。 I bent back and resurrected it。 I pressed my eighty…pound ax out to arm's length and played from a full…arch position。 My spine shook； shuddered； and held。 Applause eclipsed my crescendo。
I bent back to a normal stance。 I bowed to the lung girl。 Her tears spattered off the lung ledge。
Howard shot me a look：
Quit while they love you/Fuck these kids/No encores and no good…byes。
I dumped the ax and pulled a fast exit。 A big ovation blew me out the door。 The sax slipped me an envelope。 I stepped into the hallway and opened it。
Her note：
Dear Dick；
I will reach the age…of…consent at 10：49 P。M。 on Thursday；
March 29； 1954； which is only 6 days from now。 Please call
me at 10：50 P。M。 （Dunkirk 4…5882） to arrange a rendezvous。 I
know that we will make beautiful music together。
xxxxxxxxx！！！！！！
Linda Jane Sidwell （Contino？）
I felt a little heft in the envelope。 I looked in and saw a fat reefer。
We drove out to Glendale。 Howard wanted to toke the reefer en route。 I said no。 Maryjane always flipped his switch。 I didn't want him hopped…up and horny。
I shut my eyes and daydreamed。 Linda Jane Sidwellsix days to love。
I'd form a bo and take it to Vegas。 Linda would quit school and blow sax for me。 We'd work up a patriotic shtick。 We'd suck up to professional patriots。 We'd play lounges and move to main rooms。 Linda's parents would hate me。 I'd buy their love with Cadillacs and introductions to Sinatra。
Howard nudged me。 〃Wake up。 We're here。〃
I opened my eyes。 We pulled up in front of the Legion Hall。 Howard said； 〃Shit。〃
No banners。 No reporters。 No Ward Bond； no Adolphe Menjou； no Legionnaires。 A table full of cold cuts rotting in the sun。
I jumped out of the car。 An old guy walked out of the hall and snagged some cheese puffs。
He saw me。 He drooped。 He said； 〃Dick； I'm sorry。〃
I kicked the table over。 Delicatessen delights hit the sidewalk。 Two dogs caught the scent and leaped from a moving car。
The Legion guy said； 〃Dick； I'm sorry。〃 The dogs snouted up salami and sun…ripe cheese。
I said； 〃What happened？〃
The guy took off his Legion cap and wiped his face with it。 〃Duke Wayne called the post mander。 He said； 'Lou； I hate to ask you for this； but you see how it looks。 Contino paid his dues； but that Red cocksucker Woodard's screwing up his public perception。 I hate to exert pressure； but you know I always buy three pages in your book every Christmas。〃
I shut my eyes。 I tried to blot it out。 I saw the Duke in my revised 〃Fort Apache〃。 A redskin keestered him and snatched his wig for a scalp。
I opened my eyes。 The dogs attacked a three…pound 〃capo…collo〃。 I said； 〃Where's the liquor？ I want to take it back and get a refund。〃
The guy pointed to the door。 〃Your buddy took most of it； and he said he'd be back for the rest。〃
〃What buddy？〃
〃I don't know。 He said he was your buddy； and he said you went way back。〃
Iran inside。 I saw the stuff that Wayne and Woodard fucked me out of。
The lectern draped in red； white； and blue。 The prepaid seats and party hats。 A wall…mounted flag and a cue…card gizmo to feed me the words to my oath。
I ran back to the storeroom。 I saw a pile of flattened cartons five feet high。
Jo