按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
Galen had us more under his sway； and that he also became more cruel and manipulative。 Some few pupils disappeared early on。 Merry was one。 She stopped ing after the fourth day。 I saw her only once after that； creeping about the keep with a face both woebegone and shamed。 I learned later that Serene and the other women had shunned her after she had dropped the training； and when they later spoke of her； it was not as if she had failed at a test； but rather had mitted some low and loathsome act for which she could never be forgiven。 I know not where she went； only that she left Buckkeep and never returned。
As the ocean sorts pebbles from sand on a beach and stratifies them at the tide mark； so did the poundings and caressings of Galen separate his students。 Initially； all of us strove to be his best。 It was not because we liked or admired him。 I know not what the others felt； but in my heart was nothing but hate for him。 But it was a hatred so strong that it spawned a resolution not to be broken by such a man。 After days of his abuse； to wring a single grudging word of acknowledgment from him was like a torrent of praise from any other master。 Days of his belittling should have made me numb to his mockery。 Instead； I came to believe much of what he said； and tried futilely to change。
We vied constantly with one another to e to his attention。 Some emerged clearly as his favorites。 August was one； and we were often exhorted to imitate him。 I was clearly his most despised。 And yet this did not stop me from burning to distinguish myself before him。 After the first time I was never last on the tower top。 I never wavered from his blows。 Nor did Serene； who shared my distinction of being despised。 Serene became Galen's groveling follower； never breathing a word of criticism about him after that first lashing。 Yet he constantly found fault with her； berated and reviled her； and struck her far more often than he struck any of the other women。 Yet it made her only more determined to prove she could withstand his abuse； and she； after Galen； was the most intolerant of any who wavered or doubted in our teaching。
Winter deepened。 It was cold and dark on the tower top； save for what light came from the stairwell。 It was the most isolated place in the world； and Galen was god of it。 He forged us into a unit。 We believed ourselves elite； superior； and privileged to be instructed in the Skill。 Even I； who endured mockery and beatings； believed this to be so。 Those of us he broke； we despised。 We saw only one another for this time； we heard only Galen。 At first I missed Chade。 I wondered what Burrich and Lady Patience were doing。 But as months went by； such lesser occupations no longer seemed interesting。 Even the Fool and Smithy came to be almost annoyances to me； so single…mindedly did I pursue Galen's approval。 The Fool came and went silently then。 Though there were times； when I was sorest and weariest； when the touch of Smithy's nose against my cheek was the only fort I had； and times when I felt shamed by how little time I was giving to my growing puppy。
After three months of cold and cruelty； Galen had whittled us down to eight candidates。 The real training finally began then； and also he returned to us a small measure of fort and dignity。 These seemed by then not only great luxuries； but gifts from Galen to be grateful for。 A bit of dried fruit with our meals； permission to wear shoes； brief conversation allowed at the table…that was all； and yet we were grovelingly grateful for it。 But the changes were only beginning。
It es back in crystal glimpses。 I remember the first time he touched me with the Skill。 We were on the tower top； spaced even farther now that there were fewer of us。
And he went from one of us to the next； pausing a moment before each； while the rest of us waited in reverent silence。 〃Ready your minds for the touch。 Be open to it； but do not indulge in the pleasure of it。 The purpose of the Skill is not pleasure。〃
He wended his way among us； in no particular order。 Spaced as we were； we could not see one another's faces； nor did it ever please Galen that our eyes follow his movements。 And so we heard only his brief； stern words； then heard the indrawn gasp of each touched one。 To Serene he said in disgust； 〃Be open to it； I said。 Not cower like a beaten dog。〃
And last he came to me。 I listened to his words； and as he had counseled us earlier； I tried to let go of every sensory awareness I had and be open only to him。 I felt the brush of his mind against mine； like a soft tickle on my forehead。 I stood firm before it。 It grew stronger； a warmth； a light； but I refused to be drawn into it。 I felt Galen stood within my mind； sternly regarding me； and using the focusing techniques he had taught us （imagine a pail of purest white wood； and pour yourself into it） I was able to stand before him； waiting； aware of the Skill's elation； but not giving in to it。 Thrice the warmth rushed through me； and thrice I stood before it。 And then he withdrew。 He gave me a grudging nod； but in his eyes I saw not approval but a trace of fear。
That first touch was like the spark that finally kindles the tinder。 I grasped what it was。 I could not do it yet； I could not send my thoughts out from me； but I had a knowing that would not fit into words。 I would be able to Skill。 And with that knowing my resolve hardened； and there was nothing； nothing Galen could have done that would stop me learning it。
I think he knew it。 For some reason； it frightened him。 For he turned on me in the days that followed with a cruelty that I now find incredible。 Hard words and blows he dealt me； but none could turn me aside。 He struck me once in the face with his quirt。 It left a visible welt； and it chanced that when I was ing into the dining hall； Burrich was also there。 I saw his eyes widen。 He started up from his place at table； his jaw clenched in a way I knew too well。 But I looked aside from him and down。 He stood a moment； glaring at Galen； who returned his look with a supercilious stare。 Then； fists clenched； Burrich turned his back and left the room。 I relaxed； relieved there would be no confrontation。 But then Galen looked at me； and the triumph in his face made my heart cold。 I was his now； and he knew it。
Pain and victories mixed for me in the next week。 He never lost an opportunity to belittle me。 And yet I knew I excelled at each exercise he gave us。 I sensed the others groping after his touch of Skill； but for me it was as simple as opening my eyes。 I knew one moment of intense fear。 He had entered my mind with the Skill and given me a sentence to repeat aloud。 〃I am a bastard； and I shame my father's name；〃 I said aloud； calmly。 And then he spoke again within my mind。 You draw strength from somewhere； bastard。 This is not your Skill。 Do you think I will not find the source？ And then I quailed before him and drew back from his touch； hiding Smithy within my mind。 His smile showed all his teeth to me。
In the days that followed； we played a game of hide…and…seek。 I must let him into my mind； to learn the Skill。 Once there； I danced on coals to keep my secrets fro