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I had never felt so utterly alone in my life； as I walked among these people listening to their pleasant talk and hearing the same tale of safety and blessings over and over again。
It froze my blood to think of nightfall。 And what was this mystery of the road north？ Nobody； nobody but the priest； even raised an eyebrow at the mention of that point of the pass。
About an hour before dark； I happened into one shop where the proprietor； a dealer in silks and lace from Venice and Florence； was not so patient with my idle presence； as others had been； in spite of the fact that I obviously had money。
〃Why are you asking so many questions？〃 she said to me。 She seemed tired and worn out。 〃You think it's easy to take care of a sick child？ Look in there。〃
I stared at her as if she'd lost her mind。 But then it dawned on me； clear and cold。 I knew exactly what she meant。 I poked my head through a curtained doorway and saw a child； feverish and sick； slumbering in a dirty narrow bed。
〃You think it's easy？ Year after year she doesn't get better；〃 said the woman。 〃I'm sorry；〃 I said。 〃But what's to be done？〃
The woman tore out her stitches and put down her needle。 She seemed past all patience。 〃What's to be done？ You mean to tell me you don't know！〃 she whispered。 〃You； a clever man like you！〃 She bit into her lip。 〃But my husband says； No； not yet； and so we go on with it。〃
She went back to her work； muttering to herself； and I； horrified and struggling to keep a straight face； made my way on。 I went into a couple more shops。 Nothing special happened。 Then in the third on my way； I found an old man very out of his wits and his two daughters both trying to keep him from tearing his clothes off。 〃Here； let me help you；〃 I said at once。
We got him down in the chair； got his shirt over his head； and finally he stopped making incoherent noises。 He was very wizened and drooling。
〃Oh； thank God； this won't go on long；〃 said one of the daughters； wiping her brow。 〃It's a mercy。〃
〃Why won't it go on long？〃 I asked。
She glanced up at me； and away； and then back again。 〃Oh； you're a stranger here； Signore； forgive me； you are so young。 I only saw a boy when I looked at you。 I mean God will be merciful。 He's very old。〃
〃Hmmm； I see；〃 I said。
She looked at me with cold cunning eyes； as if they were made of metal。
I bowed and went out。 The old man had started to take off his shirt again； and the other sister； who had been silent all the time； slapped him。
I winced at it； and kept walking。 I meant to see as much as I could right now。
Passing through rather peaceful little tailors' shops I came at last to the district of the porcelain dealers； where two men were having an argument about a fancy birthing tray。
Now； birthing trays； once used in practicality to receive the infant as it came from the womb； had bee by my time fancy gifts given after the child was born。 They were large platters painted with lovely domestic designs； and this shop had an impressive display of them。 I heard the argument before I was seen。
One man said to buy the damned tray； while the other said the infant wouldn't even live and the gift was premature； and a third man said the woman would wele the beautiful gorgeously painted birthing tray anyway。
They stopped when I entered the shop proper to look at all the imported wares； but then when I turned my back； one of the men uttered under his breath； 〃If she has a brain in her head； she'll do it。〃 I was struck by the words； so struck that I turned at once to snatch a handsome plate from the shelf and pretend to be much impressed with it。 〃So lovely；〃 I said； as if I hadn't heard them。
The merchant got up and started to extoll the contents on display。 The others melted into the gathering evening outside。 I stared at the man。
〃Is the child sick？〃 I asked in the smallest most childish voice that I myself could muster。
〃Oh； no； well； I don't think so； but you know how it is；〃 said the man。 〃The child's smallish。〃
〃Weak；〃 I volunteered。
In a very clumsy way； he said； 〃Yes； weak。〃 His smile was artificial； but he thought himself quite successful。
Then both of us turned to fussing over the wares。 I bought a tiny porcelain cup； very beautifully painted； which he claimed to have bought from a Venetian。
I knew damned good and well I should leave without a word； but I couldn't stop myself from asking him as I paid； 〃Do you think the poor smallish weak child will live？〃
He laughed a rather deep coarse laugh as he took my money。 〃No；〃 he said； and then he glanced at me as though he'd been in his thoughts。 〃Don't worry about it； Signore；〃 he said with a little smile。 〃Have you e to live here？〃
〃No； Sir； only passing through； going north；〃 I said。
〃North？〃 he asked； a little startled but sarcastic。 He shut up the cashbox and turned the key。 Then shaking his head as he put the box into the cabinet and closed the doors； he said； 〃North； eh？ Well； good luck to you； my boy。〃 He gave a sour chuckle。 〃That's an ancient road。 You better ride as fast as you can from sunup。〃
〃Thank you； Sir；〃 I said。 Night was ing on。
I hurried into an alleyway and stood there； against the wall； catching my breath as though someone were chasing me。 I let the little cup fall and it shattered loudly； the noise echoing up the towering buildings。 I was half out of my wits。
But instantly and fully aware of my situation； and convinced of the horrors I had discovered； I made an inflexible decision。
I wasn't safe in the Inn； so what did this matter？ I was going to do it my way and see for myself。 This is what I did。
Without going back to the Inn； without ever officially leaving my room in the Inn； I turned uphill when the shadows were thick enough to cover me； and I climbed the narrowing street towards the old ruined castle。
Now all day I had been looking at this imposing collection of rock and decay； and could see that it was indeed utterly ruined and empty of all save the birds of the air； except； as I have said； for the lower floors； which supposedly held offices。
But the castle had two standing towers remaining to it； one that faced over the town； and another； much fallen away； beyond and remote on the edge of a cliff； as I had seen from the lower farmland。
Well； I made for the tower that overlooked the town。
The government offices were shut up of course already； and the curfew soldiers would soon be out； and there was noise from only a couple of taverns that obviously stayed open no matter what the law was。
The piazza before the castle was empty； and because the three streets of the town took many a curve in their way downhill； I could see almost nothing now but a few dim torches。
The sky； however； was wondrously bright； clear of all but the most rounded and discreetly shaped clouds； very visible against the deeper blue of the night； and the stars seemed exquisitely numerous。
I found old winding stairs； too narrow almost for a human being； that curved around the useful part of the old citadel and led up to the first platform of stone； before an entrance to the tower。
Of course this architecture was no stranger to me whatsoever。 The stones were of a rougher t