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e hated going aloft。 He knew he had none of the monkey…like agility and self…confidence of the good seaman。 He was unsure of himself aloft in the dark even in the Indefatigable； and he was utterly appalled at the thought of going aloft in an entirely strange ship and finding his way among strange rigging。 He felt himself quite unfitted for the duty assigned to him； and he should have raised a protest at once on account of his unfitness。 But he let the opportunity pass； for he was overe by the matter…of…fact way in which the other officers accepted the plan。 He looked round at the unmoved faces； nobody was paying any attention to him； and he jibbed at making himself conspicuous。 He swallowed； he even got as far as opening his mouth； but still no one looked at him； and his protest died stillborn。
'Very well； then； gentlemen；' said Pellew。 'I think you had better go into the details； Mr Eccles。'
Then it was too late。 Eccles； with the chart before him； was pointing out the course to be taken through the shoals and mudbanks of the Gironde； and expatiating on the position of the shore batteries and on the influence of the lighthouse of Cordouan upon the distance to which the Indefatigable could approach in daylight。 Hornblower listened； trying to concentrate despite his apprehensions。 Eccles finished his remarks and Pellew closed the meeting。
'Since you all know your duties； gentlemen； I think you should start your preparations。 The sun is about to set and you will find you have plenty to do。'
The boats crews had to be told off； it was necessary to see that the men were armed and that the boats were provisioned in case of emergency。 Every man had to be instructed in the duties expected of him。 And Hornblower had to rehearse himself in ascending the main shrouds and laying out along the main topsail yard。 He did it twice； forcing himself to make the difficult climb up the futtock shrouds； which； projecting outwards from the mainmast； made it necessary to climb several feet while hanging back downwards； locking fingers and toes into the ratlines。 He could just manage it； moving slowly and carefully； although clumsily。 He stood on the footrope and worked his way out to the yardarm…the footrope was attached along the yard so as to hang nearly four feet below it。 The principle was to set his feet on the rope with his arms over the yard； then； holding the yard in his armpits； to shuffle sideways along the footrope to cast off the gaskets and loose the sail。 Twice Hornblower made the whole journey； battling with the disquiet of his stomach at the thought of the hundred…foot drop below him。 Finally； gulping with nervousness； he transferred his grip to the brace and forced himself to slide down it to the deck…that would be his best route when the time came to sheet the topsail home。 It was a long perilous descent； Hornblower told himself…as indeed he had said to himself when he had first seen men go aloft…that similar feats in a circus at home would be received with 'ohs' and 'ahs' of appreciation。 He was by no means satisfied with himself even when he reached the deck； and at the back of his mind was a vivid mental picture of his missing his hold when the time came for him to repeat the performance in the Papillon； and falling headlong to the deck…a second or two of frightful fear while rushing through the air； and then a shattering crash。 And the success of the attack hinged on him； as much as on anyone…if the topsail were not promptly set to give the corvette steerage way she would run aground on one of the innumerable shoals in the river mouth to be ignominiously recaptured； and half the crew of the Indefatigable would be dead or prisoners。
In the waist the jolly boat's crew was formed up for his inspection。 He saw to it that the oars were properly muffled； that each man had pistol and cutlass； and made sure that every pistol was at half cock so that there was no fear of a premature shot giving warning of the attack。 He allocated duties to each man in the loosening of the top sail； laying stress on the possibility that casualties might necessitate unrehearsed changes in the scheme。
'I will mount the rigging first；' said Hornblower。
That had to be the case。 He had to lead…it was expected of him。 More than that； if he had given any other order it would have excited ment…and contempt。
'Jackson；' went on Hornblower； addressing the coxswain； 'you will quit the boat last and take mand if I fall。'
'Aye aye； sir。'
It was usual to use the poetic expression 'fall' for 'die'； and it was only after Hornblower had uttered the word that he thought about its horrible real meaning in the present circumstances。
'Is that all understood？' asked Hornblower harshly； it was his mental stress that made his voice grate so。
Everyone nodded except one man。
'Begging your pardon； sir；' said Hales； the young man who pulled stroke oar； 'I'm feeling a bit queer…like。'
Hales was a lightly built young fellow of swarthy countenance。 He put his hand to his forehead with a vague gesture as he spoke。
'You're not the only one to feel queer；' snapped Hornblower。
The other men chuckled。 The thought of running the gauntlet of the shore batteries； of boarding an armed corvette in the teeth of opposition； might well raise apprehension in the breast of a coward。 Most of the men detailed for the expedition must have felt qualms to some extent。
'I don't mean that； sir；' said Hales indignantly。 ''Course I don't。'
But Hornblower and the others paid him no attention
'You just keep your mouth shut；' growled Jackson。 There could be nothing but contempt for a man who announced himself sick after being told off on a dangerous duty。 Hornblower felt sympathy as well as contempt。 He himself had been too much of a coward even to give voice to his apprehensions…too much afraid of what people would say about him。
'Dismiss；' said Hornblower。 'I'll pass the word for all of you when you are wanted。'
There were some hours yet to wait while the Indefatigable crept inshore； with the lead going steadily and Pellew himself attending to the course of the frigate。 Hornblower； despite his nervousness and his miserable apprehensions； yet found time to appreciate the superb seamanship displayed as Pellew brought the big frigate in through these tricky waters on that dark night。 His interest was so caught by the procedure that the little tremblings which had been assailing him ceased to manifest themselves； Hornblower was of the type that would continue to observe and to learn on his deathbed。 By the time the Indefatigable had reached the point off the mouth of the river where it was desirable to launch the boats； Hornblower had learned a good deal about the practical application of the principles of coastwise navigation and a good deal about the organization of a cutting…out expedition…and by self analysis he had learned even more about the psychology of a raiding party before a raid。
He had mastered himself to all outside appearance by the time he went down into the jolly boat as she heaved on the inky…black water； and he gave the mand to shove of in a quiet steady voice。 Hornblower took the tiller…the feel of that solid bar of wood was reassurin