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As I told you in my last letter; there is also a chapter; 〃The World of Spells;〃 which most people will find very interesting。 Working in a greenhouse and flower…shop has been especially good for working spells; as most require fresh herbs and plants。 I am very good with plants; Mrs。 Barfield would even tell you that; and I am now growing some very 〃strange〃 ones in the back of the greenhouse。 It is probably too late to put them in this book; but as Mr。 Keen sometimes tells me; 〃Carlos; the time to think about tomorrow is yesterday。〃 Maybe we could do a follow…up; Strange Plants。 Let me have your thinking on this。
I will close now。 Let me know when you get the manuscript (a postcard will do); and fill me in as soon as possible on royalty rates; etc。 I can e to N。 Y。 C。 any Wednesday on the train or Greyhound Bus if you want to have a 〃publishing luncheon〃 or e here and I will introduce you to Mrs。 Barfield and Mr。 Keen。 I also have more photographs than the ones I am sending。 I am happy to have you publish True Tales of Demon Infestations。
Your new author;
Carlos Detweiller
147 E。 14th St。; Apt。 E
Central Falls; R。 I。 40222
interoffice memo
TO: Roger FROM: John RE: True Tales of Demon Infestations; by Carlos Detweiller
I just received a letter from Detweiller in regard to his book。 I think that; in inviting him to submit; I made the biggest mistake of my editorial career。 Oooh; my skin is starting to hurt。 。 。
from the office of the editor…in…chief
TO: John Kenton DATE: 1/23/81
You made your bed。 Now lie in it。 After all; we can always get it ghost…written; right? Hee…hee。
Roger
January 25; 1981
Dear Ruth;
I feel almost as if I am in the middle of a goddam archetype…segments of the Sunday New York Times on the floor; an old Simon and Garfunkel album on the stereo; a Bloody Mary near at hand。 Rain tapping on the glass; making it all the more cozy。 Am I trying to make you homesick? Well。 。 。 maybe a little。 After all; the only thing the scene lacks is you; and you're probably paddling out beyond the line of breakers on a surfboard as I write these words (and wearing a bikini more non than existent)。
Actually; I know you're working hard (probably not too hard) and I have every confidence that the PhD will be a world…beater。 It's just that last week was a real horror show for me and I'm afraid there may be worse to e。 Among other things; Roger accused me of prolixity (well; actually that was the week before; but you know what I mean); and I think I feel a real prolixity attack ing on。 Try to bear with me; okay?
Basically; the problem is Carlos Detweiller。 (with a name like that he couldn't be anything but a problem; right?) He's going to be a short…term problem; is old Carlos; like poison ivy or a mouth sore; but as with those two things; knowing the problem is short…term doesn't ease the pain at all…it only keeps you from going insane。
Roger's right…I do tend towardprolixity。 That's not the same as logorrhea; though。 I'll try to avoid that。
The facts; then。 As you know; every week we get thirty or forty 〃over the transom〃 submissions。 An 〃over the transom〃 is anything addressed to 〃Gentlemen;〃 〃Dear Sir;〃 or 〃To Whom It May Concern〃…an unsolicited manuscript; in other words。 Well。 。 。 they're not all manuscripts; at least half of them are what us hip publishing guys call 〃query letters〃 (getting tired of all these quotation marks yet? You should read Carlos's last letter…it would put you off them for life)。
Anyway; they should all be query letters if this mudball lived up to its advance billing and really was the best of all possible worlds。 Like 99% of the other publishers in New York; we no longer read unsolicited manuscripts…at least; that's our official policy。 It says so in Writer's Market; Writer's Yearbook; The Freelance; and The Pen Newsletter。 But apparently a lot of the aspiring Wolfes and Hemingways out there either don't read those things; don't believe them when they do read them; or simply ignore them…pick what sounds best to you。
In most cases we at least look at the slush; if it's typewritten (please don't breathe a word of this or we'll be inundated with manuscripts and Roger will probably shoot me…he's close now; I think)。 After all; Ordinary People came in over the transom and was first read by some editorial assistant who just happened to recognize that it was a hell of a story。 But that; of course; was a million…to…one shot。 I've never seen an unsolicited manuscript that looked like any more than the work of a bright fifth…grader。 Of course Zenith House is hardly Alfred A。 Knopf (our lead title for February is Scorpions from Hell; by Anthony L。 K。 LaScorbia; his follow…up to Rats from Hell); but still。 。 。 you hope。 。 。
Detweiller; at least; followed protocol and sent a query letter。 Herb Porter; Sandra Jackson; Bill Gelb; and I divvy those that came in the week before each Monday; and I had the misfortune to get this one。 After reading it and mulling it over in my mind for all of twenty…five minutes (long enough to write Roger a long…winded memo on the subject that; under the circumstances; I'm probably never going to live down); I wrote Detweiller a letter asking him to submit a few sample chapters and an outline of the rest。 And last Friday I got a letter that。 。 。 well; short of sending it to you; I'm not sure how to describe it。 He seems to be a twenty…three…year…old florist's assistant from Central Falls with a mother fixation and the conviction that he's attended witch's sabbats all over America while high on nutmeg; or something。 I keep envisioning covens in Motel Six parking lots。
I thought ole Carlos's True Tales of Demon Infestations (I have gotten to the point where the title alone has the power to make me blanch and shudder in my shoes) might be some kid's adolescent research hobby…something that could be cut down and juiced up and sold to the Amityville Horror audience。 His original letter was short; you see; and so full of these punchy little sentences…subject…predicate; subject…predicate; wham…bam…thank…you…ma'am…that one could believe that。 And while I was never under any illusions that the man was a writer; I made an assumption of marginal literacy that turns out to be totally unfounded。 In fact; just looking back at the original Detweiller letter makes me wonder how I ever could have scribbled the word This has a certain half…baked charm in the margin。 。 。 and yet I see I did。
So what? You're saying。 Big deal。 Give the schmuck's manuscript a token look when it es in and then send it back with a form letter…〃Zenith House regrets;〃 etc。 That's right。 。 。 but it's wrong; too。 It's wrong because guys like Carlos Detweiller turn out all too often to be like a bad case of head…lice…easy to get; the very devil to get rid of。 The worst of it is; I mentioned this very fact to Roger in my original overlong memo about the book; recalling General Hecksler and his Twenty Psychic Garden Flowers…you must remember me telling you how the General bombarded us with registered letters and phone calls after we rejected the book (you may not know;