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〃She said it was because of the formality of the court； to do honor to the knightings； as a prince's daughter。〃 He sipped at his cup。 〃Two breaths later； though； she said that she…was no longer certain she intended to take her final vows。〃
〃Sweet Jesu；〃' Dhugal breathed。
Tentatively； he reached out his mind to Kelson's； not surprised or offended when the other's thoughts remained shielded from him。
〃Are you in love with her？〃 he asked。
Slowly Kelson shook his head； not looking at his friend； holding the cool side of his cup against his forehead。
〃I don't know。〃
〃Well； she is Deryni； and royal；〃 Dhugal ventured。 〃And she's certainly beautiful。 Those are all excellent remendations。 Is it because she was supposed to bee a nun that you're unsure？〃
Smiling； Kelson shook his head again； gazing unseeing into the fire as his thumb played at the ring on the little finger of his left hand。 Dhugal saw the gesture and guessed another possible reason for Kelson's uncertainty； for the slender band had been Kelson's bridal token to his dead first wife Sidana； the Mearan princess whose name meant silk…second cousin to Dhugal himself； and slain by her own brother before her marriage vows with Kelson were even minutes old。 Dhugal had never been able to decide for certain whether Kelson had actually loved Sidana。 He knew that Kelson had tried to convince himself that he loved her； especially after the fact； but perhaps guilt over her death was as much a motivation as love。
The king had kept official mourning for a full year following her death； even though it would not have been required or expected； since the marriage was never consummated。 He had said； in the beginning； that he only wore the black to remind him of his vow to bring the Mearan rebels to justice。 He had said he wore the ring for the same reason； since court protocol required that he sometimes put aside his mourning attire。
But though the last Mearan rebel had been brought to bay by the previous fall； it was only two months ago； on the actual anniversary of her death； that he had finally ceased wearing black。 And he still wore the ring。
〃Did you love Sidana？〃 Dhugal asked softly； as he had asked a dozen times before。
Kelson shrugged； as he always had； and put down his cup； but his actual answer； this time； was slightly different。
〃What does it matter？ She's dead。 Even if I did； it doesn't mean I can never love again。〃
Amazed； Dhugal raised one eyebrow； nodding carefully。
〃I see。 Then； you are falling in love with Rothana。〃
All Kelson could manage was a silly grin。
〃Maybe。〃
〃Well； I'll be。。。〃
〃Neither of us is going to make any binding decisions before I leave for Torenth。 We both need the time apart to think things out。〃
〃Sweet Jesu； do you really think you'll marry her？〃 Dhugal breathed。
〃It…ah…wouldn't be a placid marriage；〃 Kelson hedged。 〃You remember how I told you what she did to me； the first time we disagreed。〃
〃Well； she is Deryni； after all。〃
〃And I'm a king； Dhugal。 A lot of things would have to be worked out。 And chiefest among them； for starters； is whether she's even inclined to marry someone besides the Church。 I hate to think of peting with God。〃
Dhugal grinned wickedly。 〃Oh； I don't think you need worry too much about that。 Sometimes I think you'd give even Him a run for His money。〃
〃Dhugal； that's blasphemy！〃 Kelson gasped。 〃Take it back right now！〃
〃Well； you might；〃 Dhugal insisted。 〃Hey； easy！〃 he yelped； as Kelson launched himself at Dhugal and both their chairs went over with a crash。
〃Take it back！〃
〃No； it's true！〃
Dhugal ended up half on his stomach and half on his side with Kelson straddling him； one arm pinned beneath his own body and the other fruitlessly trying to fend off the choke…hold the king had just about succeeded in locking across his throat from behind。 He could not help laughing； despite the fact that he was losing。 Their wrestling upset the pitcher of water on the hearth； soaking the bearskin rug and making the fire hiss and steam。 It also brought Dolfin and Ivo charging into the room with drawn daggers； to see what the motion was。
〃Go back to bed！〃 the king ordered； taking advantage of the diversion to make his choke…hold secure and beginning to see the humor of the situation。 〃My brother and I are having a difference of opinion。 I don't need any help。 Dhugal； if you don't take it back right now； I'm going to put you out！ And with as much as you've had to drink tonight； you'll probably puke when you e to！〃
The squires disappeared immediately； Dolfin dragging the wide…eyed Ivo by a sleeve…he had seen the pair's high jinks before…and Dhugal went limp； no longer putting up a fight。 The pressure across his throat was already beginning to make things go black around the edges； and he could feel a wave of nausea threatening as well。
〃Take it back； or I'll still do it！〃 Kelson demanded。
〃All right； all right！ I take it back；〃 Dhugal gasped。 〃 Hey； let me up！ I'm breathing soggy bear hair！〃
He wormed onto his back and managed a game grin as Kelson released him； even though the other still was half sitting on his protesting stomach； and he lay there for a few seconds to catch his breath as Kelson got to his feet。
〃Are you all right？〃 Kelson asked。
Dhugal sat up with a nod and took the hand Kelson offered to help him up。
〃If I don't throw up in the next thirty seconds； I will be。 But； Jesu； I must have hit a nerve！ I mean； what flesh and blood woman in her right mind would want to marry the Church when she could have the King of Gwynedd for a husband？〃
〃Watch it；〃 Kelson warned。
Wagging a finger at Dhugal； still breathing a little hard； the king righted the overturned chairs and helped the queasy Dhugal sit in one and put his head briefly between his knees。 He was not really angry； but Dhugal had touched a spot Kelson had not realized was so sensitive。 One did not joke about God that way。 Not when the stakes were this high。
〃I'm sorry；〃 Kelson murmured； when Dhugal had straightened and gingerly laid his head against the chair back。 〃I guess I overreacted。〃 He picked up the overturned pitcher and began mopping the worst of the spill with a towel。 〃Some day； though； you need to sit down with your father and have him explain about religious vocations。 I confess； I don't really understand them either； but I respect them。 And however much I might find myself attracted to Rothana； and however good a wife you think she'd make for me； I wouldn't marry her if I thought I'd made her give up the Church。〃
〃Well； she wouldn't really have to give up the Church； after all。 She just wouldn't be a nun；〃 Dhugal said； rubbing at one wrist where Kelson had pinned him。
〃You know what I mean；〃 Kelson said。 〃Anyway； this is all premature。 I'm not even going to think about it any more tonight。〃
But he did think about it； of course。 After Dhugal had gone and he had reassured his squires that nothing was amiss； he lay awake for nearly an hour and was the worse for the lack of sleep when Ivo came to wake him again at eight。
CHAPTER SIX
For he offereth the bread of thy God； he shall be holy unto thee。
Leviticus 21：8
〃Memento； homo； quia pulvis es； et in pulverem reverteris 。。。。 Memento； hom