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Yet the delicious food was the least memorable aspect of those several hours because； as it turned out； Millar had more on his mind than just wanting to meet her。
〃Justine；〃 he said； over drinks； 〃I'm basically a people…oriented person in business as well as in my private life。 I believe in creating an atmosphere that allows my employees to work at full throttle。
〃But more than that； I allow certain individuals to cut across departmental boundaries when their talents warrant it。〃 He took a sip of his bourbon。 〃I think you're such a person。 A job with us wouldn't be all that different for you than having your own business。〃 He grinned。 〃Except of course that you'd make a ton of money and build your rep among the high…level accounts that much quicker。〃
Justine put her drink aside for the moment； her heart hammering。 〃Are you giving me a direct job offer？〃
Millar nodded。
〃Isn't this supposed to e over the Grand Marnier soufflé or something？〃
He laughed。 〃I'm a maverick in every way。〃
She watched him for a time。 He was fairly young； perhaps just forty。 His hair was thick and long enough to reach his collar。 Streaked blond； brushed straight back； it could just as easily belong to a surfer from Redondo Beach。 He had a good hard face with the hint of crow's feet at the corners of his intelligent； wide set blue…green eyes。 He had the kind of nose that made you think of Mercedes； pink gins； and polo along the carefully manicured greensward of the Connecticut shore。 He should have had a cable…knit sweater spread on his back。 But his manner belied all that。
〃I can see the wheels turning in there；〃 he said as they were served the first course of fresh bluepoint oysters。 He grinned again； a sunny； somehow reassuring expression that showed good white teeth。 〃I wasn't born into money。 I worked hard to get where I am today。〃
But she found that she had little appetite； because she knew that she was going to take him up on his offer。 Dreams like this one rarely came along in life。 Though the idea turned her edgy； she had learned early to grab them before they slipped irretrievably by。
In fact； she had been so keyed up about the job that she had asked Rick if she could start on the following day。 Friday； instead of waiting through the weekend。 With Nicholas just gone she had had no plans； and three idle days； waiting； was too much for her patience。 So it was that she had shown up just past eight…a full hour before she had to…at Madison Avenue and Fifty…fourth Street。 The offices of Millar； Soames & Robberts were three glittering twenty…first…century floors of the sleekest furnishings money could buy； with floor…to…ceiling windows in every executive office； and mechanical and production departments that would surely make her work a snap…she had been so used to doing everything herself。 Now； as Rick had said to her over lunch； she could concentrate on ideas； allowing others to plete her sketches。
Rick himself introduced Justine to Min； her secretary。 She was no more than twenty and； with the patch of green in her dark hail； seemed to be the agency's concession to the post…punk era。 But Justine soon found out that beneath the wild hair was a sharp brain that understood all the convoluted workings of the organization。
Justine's office was a floor below Mary Kate's and； because Mary Kate was a vice president； it was somewhat smaller than her friend's。 But it was light and airy。 A fresh…looking coleus with a pink satin GOOD LUCK ribbon tacked to it sat on a desk otherwise empty save for a phone。 The office was sparsely furnished with； it seemed； an agglomeration of cast…offs。
Rick apologized for the state of the office； saying that the pany was in the midst of reorganizing departments and that Min would bring her a stack of furnishing and accessory catalogs 〃so that things can get straightened out in a couple of weeks。〃
She thanked Rick for the plant and； putting it beside the window； sat behind her new desk。 Her first call was to Nicholas； in her excitement forgetting that it was the middle of the night in Tokyo。 The hotel balked at putting the call through； the officious operator asking if it was an emergency。 When she explained to her what the local time was； Justine settled for leaving a message； not knowing of course that he was out wandering through Jan Jan。
But as she cradled the receiver； she experienced a sharp pang of sadness。 She had never felt more acutely Nicholas' absence or her desire for him to return。 She had fought with desperation the fear and anxiety welling up inside her when he had told her he was going to work for her father。 Were her feelings irrational or real？ When it came to her father； she knew that she felt trapped by her emotions。 The shape of her life had been dictated by Raphael Tomkin。 As a woman in her twenties； she had had love affairs abruptly severed without her knowing； as a teenager； she had seen the devastation his harshness and self…involvement had wreaked on her mother； as a child； she had been rendered fatherless by his business affairs。
Even though Nicholas' new job was temporary； she had been terrified that it would turn out to be a permanent position。 She knew only too well how persuasive her father could be when he set his mind to it。 She had been terrified too of his going away。 So soon after the terrible nightmare with Saigo； who through Justine herself had almost succeeded in killing Nicholas； she felt that being alone was a kind of exquisite agony。
She knew that whatever it was Saigo had done to her had scarred her for life； despite all Nicholas' efforts to exorcise that particular devil from her。 True； she was free from Saigo's arcane grip over her； but she could never be free of the memories。
In the deepest shoals of night； when Nicholas lay peacefully sleeping beside her； she would awake with a shivery start； into a nightmare。
I almost murdered him； she found herself repeating to herself as if there were a stranger alive inside her body to whom she must make sense of this。 How could I？ Another repeating riff； an agonizing counterpoint。 I'm not even capable of killing a fish； let alone another human being； my own love。
That； of course； might have been her salvation： the conviction that she could not kill and therefore was not responsible。 But the nightmare continued to stalk her。 Had not Nicholas stopped her； she would most assuredly have killed him。 Just as Saigo had programmed her to。 She was not concerned with responsibility。 Only with a guilt greater than any she had ever known。
But； oh； she ached for him even as she feared for him every moment he was in Japan； every moment he was with her father。 For she knew intimately all the myriad ways Raphael Tomkin had of getting what he wanted。 He could be bullheaded or subtle； as the occasion warranted。 He could get you even when you were certain he wouldn't。
She shuddered now within the confines of her new office。 Oh； Nicholas； she thought。 If only I had …been able to make you see what he's like。 I don't want him to steal you away from me。
Because the thought of Nicholas permanently wedded to Tomkin Industries was more than she could bear。 She wanted her father out of her life； had str