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ant centimeter from where the first shot had been administered。 His skin ballooned outward； fluid swamping the bellows of his lungs。 He was drowning； it made him want to cry out。 His heartbeat accelerated wildly。
Discipline。
He took his consciousness by the hand as a father will his frightened child； and entered a place that held no fear。 Getsumei no michi。
Somewhere outside of him Protorov called in a voice turned aqueous。 〃What do you know of Tenchi？ How much does Minck know？ You will tell me that； Gospadin Linnear。 Before you die you will tell me that much！〃
〃Will you tell me now why you really followed me all the way to Hawaii？〃
Rick Millar sat at one end of the clear plastic raft they had rented at the hotel beach shack。 His long； tanned legs dangled in the water。 He wore a surfer's brief bathing suit he had bought in Lahaina。 〃I think you already know the answer。〃
Justine smiled。 Her heart felt lighter than it had in many months。 〃I'm flattered that you wanted to seduce me。〃
Millar laughed good…naturedly。 〃It wasn't all lust； you know。 I do want you back at the firm no matter what happens between us。〃
〃It's already happened；〃 she said。 〃I'm glad you came； actually。〃
He watched a school of small golden fish race by just above the reef over which they bobbed。 〃You must love him a great deal for you to be so loyal。〃
What Justine thought about most now； what she held most
closely to her； was the memory of waking in the middle of the night； anxious and afraid； and being able to reach out to touch Nicholas' hand。 It was a hand like no other she had ever encountered； she would lie there stroking its bottom edge； hard with cast…iron callus。 Like hugging a Teddy bear； the motion would calm her and soon she would slip back to sleep。
But those were the old days and that was the old Justine。 She did not believe that fear and anxiety would be a part of her life any longer。
Staring out over the sun…drenched Molokai Channel where the humpback whales broke the surface of the water in white and black splendor； she saw her immaturity as if it were part of another person： clearly； objectively。 It was already separate from her。
She supposed now that she had always been afraid of love。。。 true love such as she felt for Nicholas。 Her entire adult life had been a series of encounters with males who could not possibly give her the stability of a twined life。 Rather she had been attracted to men lusting to use her； to leave her； to； in effect； return her to a lone state where she felt more secure； more the little girl； and where… this being the most astonishing revelation of all…she would be assured of her father's intervention； his protection； and； yes； a manifestation of his love for her。
It occurred to her that she herself had provoked what she had deluded herself into thinking was his meddling in her life。 She understood now that this very meddling had served as an assurance to the little girl inside her that he still loved her； that he cared enough to break away from his all…consuming work to do something for her。
Stunned； she sat in the Hawaiian sunshine； staring blindly at the island that formerly had been a home for lepers。 It seemed ironic and somehow proper that she should have e all this way to be near Molokai。 Of course she was aware now of just why she had e here。 She ws six thousand miles from home； give or take a couple； three thousand miles into the Pacific。 She was that much closer to Japan； and Nicholas。
〃Would you like to go for a swim？〃 Millar asked gently。
Justine reached out and squeezed his arm。 〃You go if you've a mind to。 I'll join you in a minute or two。〃
He nodded and slipped over the raft's side； moving in a slow； easy crawl away from her； all his muscles working in concert。
She watched him idly with the kind of detached contentment she had never before thought she could feel。 He was a handsome man； desirable in all ways。 How many of her women friends； unattached or otherwise； would have given their eyeteeth to be in her position now。 She laughed out loud。 It felt good to be wanted by such a man。 But it felt even better to revel in the pleteness of her love for Nicholas； for she sensed with a wonderful intensity Nicholas' spirit； as if it were he who swam so near her。
Their fight now seemed trivial and ridiculous to her； whereas before it had taken on the titanic proportions of an Olympian struggle。 That was because she had not been battling Nicholas at all； but herself。 From a distance she recognized the panic with which she had greeted his announcement because she had been quite certain at that moment that the man she was going to marry would be a reincarnation of her father。
Now she understood that she had feared that only because an unconscious part of her had wanted it。 But Nicholas was not her father； what he would do with his life had only to do with himself。 。。 and now Justine。 They had their own lives to lead。 How would Nicholas put it？ They had their own karma。 She smiled again at that。 Yes； karma。
And her karma dictated that she be at his side； whether it be as the head of Tomkin Industries or anywhere else。 She was no longer afraid of giving her heart away to another human being； she was no longer afraid of spending her life with someone。 In fact she knew that that was precisely what she did want。
In the water she stroked easily toward where Rick was floating as he watched the antics of the leviathans far out in the channel。
〃Finished cogitating？〃 he said lightly。
〃Cogitating。〃 She laughed joyfully。 〃That's an adult activity； isn't it？ I've got a lot of catching up to do。〃
He eyed her warily； as if she had changed from a puppy into a Doberman instantaneously。 〃Will you e back and be my creative design v。p。？〃
Justine sobered。 〃Rick； I've got to have some reassurances from you before I make any decision。〃
He nodded。 〃Whatever I can do； I will。〃
〃Good。〃 She watched him speculatively。 〃I dashed away so fast that I didn't have the time to connect with Mary Kate； though I left a message with her service。 That means； for the moment at least； I'm going to have to trust you。〃 She paused deliberately to see if he would defend himself； but when he said nothing she went on。 〃If you summarily dismissed her against her will； if you leveraged me into her spot before that happened； as I told you before； I want nothing to do with the job。 That's absolutely final。〃
〃Okay； granted。 I've received your message loud and clear。 Mary Kate wasn't happy with us； and the reverse was true。 We were ing to a mutual parting of the ways when I met with you。 I tried to help her； Justine。 I wanted her to work out。 But the truth is； she didn't。 She was smart enough to see it； that's all。〃
〃So you and she had spoken about her leaving before you had that first lunch with me。〃
〃Yes。〃
〃Rick； this is extremely important to me so I don't want any mistake made about it。 One call to Mary Kate is all it'll take。〃
〃Then I think you should call her； Justine。 I'd like you to trust what I'm telling you； but I can understand that you might have doubts。 There's nothing your friend will tell you that I haven't。 Period。〃
It was time to break the tension； J