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on me with each effort that I made to pass forward。
I fought it。 It was the First Veil； I suddenly knew。
To get beyond it would be an achievement； a good sign； showing that I was indeed part of the Pattern。 Each raising and lowering of my foot suddenly required a terrible effort； and sparks shot forth from my hair。
I concentrated on the fiery line。 I walked it breathing heavily。
Suddenly the pressure was eased。 The Veil had parted before me； as abruptly as it had occurred。 I had passed beyond it and acquired something。
I had gained a piece of myself。
I saw the paper skins and the knobby； stick…like bones of the dead of Auschwitz。 I had been present at Nuremberg； I knew。 I heard the voice of Stephen Spender reciting 〃Vienna；〃 and I saw Mother Courage cross the stage on the night of a Brecht premiere。 I saw the rockets leap up from the stained hard places； Peenemunde； Vandenberg； Kennedy； Kyzyl Kum in Kazakhstan； and I touched with my hands the Wall of China。 We were drinking beer and wine； and Shaxpur said he was drunk and went off to puke。 I entered the green forests of the Western Reserve and took three scalps one day。 I hummed a tune as we marched along and it caught on。 It became 〃Auprés de ma Blonde。〃 I remembered； I remembered。。。 my life within the Shadow place its inhabitants had called the Earth。 Three more steps； and I held a bloody blade and saw three dead men and my horse； on which I had fled the revolution in France。 And more； so much more； back to …
I took another step。
Back to …
The dead。 They were all about me。 There was a horrible stink … the smell of decaying flesh … and I heard the howls of a dog who was being beaten to death。 Billows of black smoke filled the sky； and an icy wind swept around me bearing a few small drops of rain。 My throat was parched and my hands shook and my head was on fire。 I staggered alone； seeing everything through the haze of the fever that burned me。 The gutters were filled with garbage and dead cats and the emptyings of chamber pots。 With a rattle and the ringing of a bell； the death wagon thundered by； splashing me with mud and cold water。
How long I wandered； I do not know； before a woman seized my arm and I saw a Death's Head ring upon her finger。 She led me to her rooms； but discovered there that I had no money and was incoherent。 A look of fear crossed her pained face； erasing the smile on her bright lips； and she fled and I collapsed upon her bed。
Later … again； how much later I do not know … a big man； the girl's Black Davy； came and slapped me across the face and dragged me to my feet。 I seized his right biceps and hung on。 He half carried； half pulled me toward the door。
When I realized that he was going to cast me out into the cold； I tightened my grip to protest it。 I squeezed with all my remaining strength； mumbling half…coherent pleas。
Then through sweat and tear…filled eyes。 I saw his face break open and heard a scream e forth from between his stained teeth。
The bone in his arm had broken where I'd squeezed it。
He pushed me away with his left hand and fell to his knees； weeping。 I sat upon the floor； and my head cleared for a moment。
〃I。。。 am。。。 staying here；〃 I said； 〃until I feel better。 Get out。 If you e back … I'll kill you。〃
〃You've got the plague！〃 he cried。 〃They'll e for your bones tomorrow！〃 and he spat then； got to his feet； and staggered out。
I made it to the door and barred it。 Then I crawled back to the bed and slept。
If they came for my bones the next day； they were disappointed。 For； perhaps ten hours later； in the middle of the night； I awoke in a cold sweat and realized my fever had broken。 I was weak； but rational once more。
I realized I had lived through the plague。 I took a man's cloak I found in the wardrobe and took some money I found in a drawer。 Then I went forth into London and the night； in a year of the plague； looking for something。。。
I had no recollection of who I was or what I was doing there。
That was how it had started。
I was well into the Pattern now； and the sparks flashed continually about my feet； reaching to the height of my knees。 I no longer knew which direction I faced； or where Random and Deirdre and Moire stood。 The currents swept through me and it seemed my eyeballs were vibrating。 Then came a pins…and…needle feeling in my cheeks and a coldness on the back of my neck； I clenched my teeth to keep them from chattering。
The auto accident had not given me my amnesia。 I had been without full memory since the reign of Elizabeth I。 Flora must have concluded that the recent accident had restored me。 She had known of my condition。 I was suddenly struck by the thought that she was on that Shadow Earth mainly to keep tabs on me。
Since the sixteenth century； then？ That I couldn't say。 I'd find out； though。
I took six more rapid steps； reaching the end of an arc and ing to the beginning place of a straight line。
I set my foot upon it； and with each step that I took； another barrier began to rise against me。 It was the Second Veil。
There was a right…angle turn； then another； then another。
I was a prince of Amber。 It was true。 There had been fifteen brothers and six were dead。 There had been eight Sisters； and two were dead； possibly four。 We had spent much of our time in wandering in Shadow； or in our own universes。 It is an academic； though valid philosophical question； as to whether one with power over Shadow could create his own universe。 Whatever the ultimate answer； from a practical point we could。
Another curve began； and it was as though I were walking in glue as I moved slowly along it。
One； two； three； four。。。 I raised my fiery boots and let them down again。
My head throbbed and my heart felt as though it were fibrillating to pieces。
Amber！
The going was suddenly easy once more； as I remembered Amber。
Amber was the greatest city which had ever existed or ever would exist。 Amber had always been and always would be； and every other city； everywhere every other city that existed was but a reflection of a shadow of some phase of Amber。 Amber； Amber； Amber。。。 I remember thee。 I shall never forget thee again。 I guess； deep inside me； I never really did； through all those centuries I wandered the Shadow Earth； for often at night my dreams were troubled by images of thy green and golden spires and thy sweeping terraces。 I remember thy wide promenades and the decks of flowers； golden and red。 I recall the sweetness of thy airs； and the temples； palaces； and pleasances thou containest； contained； will always contain； Amber； immortal city from which every other city has taken its shape； I cannot forget thee； even now； nor forget that day on the Pattern of Rebma when I remembered thee within thy reflected walls； fresh from a meal after starvation and the loving of Moire； but nothing could pare with the pleasure and the love of remembering thee； and even now； as I stand contemplating the Courts of Chaos； telling this story to the only one present to hear； that perhaps he may repeat it； that it will not die after I have died within； even now； I remember thee with love； city that I was born to rule。。。
Ten paces； then a swirling filigree of f