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I hear the strange hum again； a shift inside。
But inside； outside…they have lost their meaning。
We are beyond space and time； and I am falling。
Into horror unspeakable； yes； and maybe hope unimagined。
7
The collage of colors and shapes that I now see is my life。 Yet the different scenes from it are not arranged in a linear fashion； more in the form of a hologram； a pictorial dimension of time that encircles me like a living sphere。 I have only to focus my attention on a particular event and I am there。 But perhaps because my mind is used to dealing with sequential events； I take myself back in order。 This is my deliberate choice； not the choice of the creation。 To the creation； I realize； everything is happening in the same eternal moment。
I am with my daughter； Kalika； holding her as she bleeds from devastating chest wounds。 Her smile is gentle and I am crying。 She tells me she loves me。 Then I cry over Seymour； beside his funeral pyre； because Kalika has killed him。 Yet a few drops of the divine child's blood and he is alive again。 Then I am laughing。 Tears are connected to laughter in my life。 One seems to bring the other； and that in itself is a great mystery to me。 Blood； also； is everywhere。 I see the night my daughter was born； in pain and love。 The opposites of all life fly before my expanded vision； yet they now seem to be in harmony with one another。
Arturo and Joel are beside me。 They tell me they love me。 There is a flash of blinding light。 They die； their love kills them； I destroy them。 But a moment later I am saving Joel by making him a vampire； and a moment before that I am reviving Ray by the same process。 Then I take a leap and I am sitting beside Ray's father as he dies from a ferocious blow I have struck to his chest。 He perishes with the fear that I will harm his son； the son I love。 Again and again； my love brings danger and death。
The hologram of my life seems to spin。 In quick succession I see Hitler screaming at his troops； Lincoln ordering General Grant to take up the Union's moral cause。 Then I am in a castle in the highlands of Scotland； defending it from an evil duke。 Once more my lover dies； and in the next instant I stand before the Inquisition； condemning Arturo to death。 Arturo； who has meant more to me than practically anyone I have ever known。 I see his eyes as I curse him； but I do not see his heart； do not know that he has already tricked me。 I ensure his death but he does not die。
Finally I am walking in the dry hills of Sicily outside Messina； eating a bunch of purple grapes and wondering where I am heading。 It is the ninth century and even the evening air is hot。 This is my first visit to Sicily； the previous day I took a sailboat across the straits from Italy。 Something about the land has drawn me to this spot in particular； but as of yet I don't know what。 My long blond hair is pulled up under a cap； and I wear gray hose and a short linen tunic。 I could be a pretty young boy； with my baggy white shirt and long steel knife tucked in my belt。 The sun is in the sky； but it bothers me just a little。
Then I am not watching this other self。
I am her； and it isn't easy for either of us。
There is a moment of duality。 She does not know me。
I feel as if I bump heads with a shadow； and yet my shadow thinks she is the real one； and that I am the ghost。 It takes me a moment to explain； and the moment almost cracks open into an insane fissure of delusion。 This Sita does not have a volume of my memories； and certainly does not know about flying saucers and the possibility of mental time travel。 I am forced to impress these possibilities on her through a wall of internal resistance that threatens to explode both our minds。 Then I realize it is hopeless； that I cannot force myself on myself。 I relax； and back off； and then suddenly she is curious about me。 She knows me even when she doesn't know all of me。 I was always one for a new experience； and meeting myself along an empty road is about as weird an experience as I have ever had。 My younger self calls to me。
〃Ritorna da me；〃 she says。 e back to me。
〃Fa bene；〃 I reply； aloud。 All right。
Sita is startled。 Who is talking to whom？
Her curiosity is greater than her fear。
I am able to get inside and there I stay。
Finally she understands。 The duality ceases。 I am Alisa Perne of the twentieth century； in the ninth century； here in Sicily to defeat a monster。 There is only me but I am now of firm resolve。 Landulf had better beware。
Around the bend of the next hill； I hear cries。 Dante。
Before I had not known I would meet him； but now it is as if he is calling my name。 Tossing aside my grapes； I run to an appointment I have with the past。 Yet already I am not thinking of myself as from the future。 Perhaps the other Sita is there as much as I。 Yet I do notice that I am not nearly so fast as I was before。 This body has not had the last infusions of powerful blood。 I am just an ordinary vampire…I can't even read minds。 All that I have； that I didn't have before； are memories of things that have not yet happened。 They are my only new weapons against Landulf。
As I e around a hill； I find Dante naked and bleeding； strung up to a skeleton of a tree by a rope tied to his right arm and right foot。 Gathered around him are two men and a woman； the two men holding swords and poking at poor Dante； encouraging him to sing。 There is another rope around Dante's neck。 The meaning is clear…if Dante stops singing； they will cut the other ropes and he will be hung。
Dante is not in good shape。 At a glance I realize he has severe leprosy of his left arm and leg。 The disease has actually eaten away portions of his bones； and I know he must live in terrible pain。 He has also been castrated； but by the sweetness in his voice I recognize that he is no ordinary eunuch。 He is a castrato； perhaps of the Holy Father in Rome； whom I despise。 The castrati make up the greatest choirs in the Catholic Church。 Their manhood is sacrificed to maintain their magical voices in a preadolescent range。 There are few things the Church will not do； I realized long ago； to petition the angels in heaven。 Dante cannot be more than twenty years old。
〃Ciao！〃 I call as I stride up。 〃Che cosa fai？〃 What are you doing？
The men hardly look over； they are having so much fun。 But the dark…haired woman with the cleft palate eyes me suspiciously。 〃Stai zitta！〃 she calls。 Shut up。 〃He is a leper。 He is to be killed。〃
〃Penso di no。〃 I don't think so。 I slowly draw my knife as I move near。 〃Release him now； and I will spare your lives。〃
Dante stops singing and the two men with swords now give me their attention。 One is a clumsy brute； dark featured； the other； the fair young one； appears quick on his feet。 They eye my long narrow knife and chuckle to themselves。 But the young man spreads his feet slightly； readying himself for bat。 He is an experienced swordsman； although he is not sure yet if I am a boy or a woman。 My skin is darker than usual from the sun； the gloss of my red lips partially hidden by my tan。 Hanging half upside down； Dante stares at me in wonder； his face