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'Well； we've lost Rex before。 There are dead areas all over； we never needed to pay them much attention before now。'
'So we can't see what they are up to？'
'Not until they break cover again。 But I might suggest the suspense angle。 Both of them are geared up to take some sort of revenge； don't you think？'
'Kindly expound further。'
'Rex Mundi must be pretty put out over his aunt； and Elvi。。。'
'Yes Fergus； the mercurial and inspired Mr Presley？'
'Bit of an unknown quantity； I agree。 But I'm sure he can be chivvied along in the right direction。'
'I can't imagine upon what evidence you can possibly base that supposition。'
'Oh； wheels are in motion；' lied Fergus Shaman。 'Any more memos from Jason Morgawr？'
'Hourly；' Mungo replied。 'Although none telling me the all important news that he has stopped the spread of the virus。 Most read like the outpourings of some crazed evangelist。 If I were an uncharitable chap I might be led to the conclusion that Mr Morgawr was pulling some kind of fast one。 Your thoughts on this； Fergus。'
'Mine； as ever； mirror your own； sir。 A shady customer and no mistake。 One of the late Mr Garstang's confidants； or so I understand。'
'Well； you just keep a close eye on him。 Let me know exactly what he's up to； there's a good fellow。'
'I certainly will； sir。 Something of an upstart； our Mr Morgawr。 Not of the old school； like us。'
'Maybe so； just keep me informed。'
Fergus smiled his friendly smile。 Mungo Madoc was clearly in a full…time state of confusion。 If he played his cards right all kinds of possibility might present themselves。
I'm off the hook here； thought Fergus Shaman。
Oh no； you're not； thought Mungo Madoc。 He might not actually be able to read minds。 But he hadn't got where he had got by being a plete pillock。
'Aaaaaaaaaaaaagh； ow and ouch。' A good many hours had passed away； but these did nothing to spare Rex Mundi from a hangover of massive proportions。 Rex tore at his skull； uprooting further discouraging clumps of hair。 'Where am I？'
Elvis stirred life into the fire。 Above it hung a blackening coffee pot。 'How are you doing？'
'Not well；' Rex did some futile eye focusing。 'Where am I； or did I ask that already？'
'You did。 You are down below。' Elvis managed to get the sufficiently sombre tone into that。 'Down in the depths。 You've been here before； haven't you？'
Rex nodded； he'd been here before； although he couldn't recall exactly how。 'Is it safe？'
'Free from the bio…scan。'
'The bio…what？ No； don't tell me。'
'Have some coffee。 There's a whole mess of things I gotta tell you。'
Mess is probably right； thought Rex； which was absolutely right。
Dan fed the slim beads into his ears and jacked into the holophon。。。 Well since my baby left me 。。。 It felt even worse than before。 Closer somehow and more threatening。 The words approached him at great speed； as if wishing to physically assault him。 Where once they had been haunting and melancholy； now they were downright offensive。 They buffeted him in the face； probed through the pores of his skin。 Invaded him。 They lay in his stomach like leaden weights。 Dan jerked and twitched。 It hurt。 And the face of SUN leered at him。 Put the blue suede boot in and kicked him again and again and again。
'And that；' said Rex； when Elvis had finally run himself dry of exposition； 'is a mindbender to end all mind…benders。'
'How do you think I feel？' Elvis sipped cold coffee。 Rex turned his chipped cup between his unwashed fingers。 Another nail was ing loose。
'And so to cut a long story short；' said he； 'you were kidnapped in 1958 by a visitor from outer space； who travelled back through time by means of a sprout； which you now have in your head。' Elvis nodded。 'And this visitor from space and his chums have manipulated the entirety of human history so they can broadcast it as a television show on their planet。' Elvis nodded yet again。 Rex shook his head。 'And the present situation on Earth is somehow all your fault because you joined the Army。'
Elvis hung his head。 'Joined up。 Led an entire generation to disaster。'
'So what are you doing here？ Surely you should be back in nineteen…whatever； not joining the Army。'
'Oh and I will。 But I gotta sort things out here first； just to be on the safe side。'
'And this sorting out of things includes the overthrow of the Dalai Lama； whom you claim to be the Antichrist？'
Elvis grinned。 'That's it。 I had a revelation see。 The Presleys belong to the First Assembly of God。 My family have revelations all the time。'
'Yes；' Rex agreed； 'although this is something of a revolutionary revelation。'
'Revolutionary revelation。' Elvis chewed it over。 'I like the way you think； brother；'
'Dan is a shit；' said Rex； in all candour； 'but the Antichrist； I think you are on a wrong'n there。 He's a buddhist for one thing。' Elvis didn't appear to be listening。 He was whistling 'Dixie'。 Rex put aside his cup and climbed carefully to his feet。 Patting down the knees of his radiation suit。 'Well it's all most interesting and I really do wish you the best of luck。 You must let me know how you get on。'
The whistler ceased his whistling。 'Going somewhere？' he asked。
'Thought I'd take a bit of a stroll。 Thanks for the coffee。'
'He's going to make a run for it； chief；' came a small green voice。
'How do you do that？'
'He thinks you are a stone…bonker； chief。'
'Should I give him a little smack？' Elvis asked。
'I'd give him a large one； if I were you。'
'Easy now；' Rex put up his hands。 'No need for any violence。 We're both on the same side really。 As it happens；'
'Show him your doodad； chief。' Rex flinched。 A homosexual rapist； that was all he needed。
'The doodad； sure thing；' Elvis delved into a golden pocket and brought out the small black contrivance which he had lifted whilst on Phnaargos。
'Figured no…one would ever believe a Goddamn word I said；' said the King； 'so I took me a souvenir。 Cop your whack for this； our kid；'
'Excuse me？'
'Sorry Buddy。 It's the time travel； I've picked up all sorts of weird stuff；'
Rex drew back。 'Diseases and such like？'
'No。 Figures of speech。 And other figures。 Equations and stuff；'
Elvis passed the doodad to Rex； who took it gingerly。 'What does it do？'
'It's a pocket transceiver。 Milti…band。 Bio…plasmic； of course。 Utilising a cross polarization of beta…particles with minimal doppler shift； due to its advanced pseudopodia；' said the Time Sprout； informatively。 Thnaargian state…of…the…art stuff； chief；'
Rex nodded thoughtfully。 'Has it macro…equalisation through quasi…spectrum nexus bicordials？'
'Er； um？'
'Does the rheostat impede throughout the red…diactinic field variables？'
'Er； um？'
'You looking for a fat lip； buddy？' Elvis asked。
'Sorry；' Rex replied。 'But I draw the line at being talked down to by a vegetable；'
'He's a great little guy when you get to know him；'
Rex let that one slide by。 'So； what does this do then？'
'Just press the red button and adjust the distance control；' Elvis told him。 Rex held the thing at arm's length a