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'Yes； yes！' Mungo beat upon the table with his fists。 'My patience is not inexhaustible。'
'When you're all quite finished；' the sprout bobbed up and down； 'I will gladly enlarge upon any concepts that you might find。。。 trying。'
'He has a certain eloquence；' said Lavinius Wisten。 'I like that in a sprout。'
Mungo Madoc made digging motions with an ethereal post shovel。 'The floor is yours；' he told the loquacious veg。
'Well；' said the sprout； 'I'll keep it brief； it's all to do with the microcosm and the macrocosm。 As above； so below； that sort of stuff。 The infinite atom； the sprout； the planet； the sun； all spheres you see。 You are all； no doubt； conversant with Phnaargian dogma； that the entire universe is nothing more than a pimple upon the nose of the deity。'
All present； barring the sprout； made the sacred sign； pinching their thumbs and forefingers to the tips of their noses。
'Then you will no doubt wish to expedite matters before the great one chooses to lance his boil。'
'Point taken；' said Mungo。 'We need waste no more time regarding the mechanics。 Can you； with accuracy； convey a member of our team back to an exact location； at an exact time； on Earth？'
'A piece of peat。 Although there may be one or two minor biological problems for the traveller acpanying。'
'Ah；' Mungo nodded meaningfully。 'Now this does surprise me。'
'Ironic extrapolations are quite wasted upon me。 I merely state fact。 The Phnaargian isn't designed to travel through time。 He's the wrong shape for one thing。 He will 〃pick things up〃 as he travels along。'
'What？ Like germs； do you mean？'
'Knowledge；' said the sprout。 'We will be travelling at the speed of thought。 So therefore on the same wavelength。 He'll pick it all up； centuries of it。 The accumulated knowledge of every intelligent being in the galaxy； that has ever lived； possibly even ever will live。'
'So when do we leave？' Mungo asked。 'Best get off； eh？'
'Slow down； the man who takes the trip and picks up all this knowledge will bee。。。'
'Godlike；' said Mungo Madoc。
'Barmy；' said the sprout。 'Stone bonkers。'
'Ah；' said Mungo。 'I see。'
'As a hatter；' the sprout continued。 'Off his kookie； out of his tree。。。'
'Quite so。'
'Basket case。'
'Thank you。'
'Loony； dibbo； round the twist。。。'
'Thank you very much。 And this will happen as he makes the journey back？'
'The journey back into the past is OK； it's the journey forward that will do for him。 Blow his mind； freak him out； spring his。。。'
'Thank you！ This matter will require a good deal of thought。 Fergus； kindly take your little friend down to the lobby。 I'm sure he'd like a glass of water； or something。'
'Virtually self sufficient； chief；' said the sprout。 'Metabolic rate merely ticking over； pseudopodium catered for。'
'The lobby！' shouted Mungo and he meant it。
The door sealed upon a sullen Fergus and a plaining sprout。 Mungo smiled down at this team。 They returned his gaze； with varying degrees of apprehension。
'This is a conundrum；' said Mungo Madoc。 'One； in fact； quite new to my experience。 But it has potential。 I like it。'
'But it isn't going to work；' Gryphus plained。 'In fact it's a load of old。。。'
'Now； now。 I can see the problems。 To achieve our end； we must dispatch one of our number back into the past。 On his return he will be a headcase；'
'With delusions of Godhood；' sneered Gryphus。
'A Godhead case；' tittered Diogenes 'Dermot' Darbo。 'Indeedy。'
'Every problem has a simple solution。 This one is just a matter of expendability。'
A great silence fell upon the boardroom。 Silent prayers were offered up。
'It's all right。' Mungo raised a hand。 'I don't consider any of you expendable。 We need a volunteer。 Someone whom the station won't miss。 Some insignificant little nonentity with ideas above his station。'
'Showtime；' said Jovil Jspht。 'For what it's worth。'
'He's a friend to the foe
The star of the show
The man we all know
By his king…sized karma
He's a breath of spring
He's the living God King
He's the Dalai。。。 Dalai。。。 Dalai
Dalai La 。。。 ma。。。'
The Lamarettes were tonight stunningly clad in silver lame slingbacks； matching gloves and diamante ear…studs。 Anything more and they would have been grossly overdressed。
As the Dalai materialized on stage； the applause lights flashed and the audience synthesiser went overboard。 In homes above ground and homes beneath； prayer wheels span like football rattles and ring pulls popped from a million cans of Buddhabeer。 In the control room Gloria bit her lip。
'Blessings be upon you。' The Dalai twirled upon his heel and made 'peace' signs。 'Inmost One here saying a real fine howdy doody and a big Buddha wele to 。。。 wait for it。。。'
The vox pop crouched upon the edges of their makeshift seats。。。
'NEMESIS！'
Lights flashed； sirens wailed； gongs were beaten。 The Lamarettes fussed about the Dalai； who had fallen to the floor； as if possessed。 'Back to my suite； girls；' he giggled； 'I'll give you something king…sized to meditate on later。'
'I think I'll take my lunch hour now；' said Jovil Jspht。 'If you don't mind。'
'As you please；' Haff Ffnsh replied。 'But don't be late back。'
Jovil Jspht left the control room of Earthers Inc。 and wandered down the organic corridor。 Ahead of him the doors of the executive lift opened and Fergus Shaman； wearing a grim expression and cradling something in his arms； slouched out。 The two men didn't exchange pleasantries。
Jovil eyeballed the open lift doors。 He'd never actually seen the upper floors of the spiral plex； his status didn't allow it。 Jovil halted； the doors would close in a matter of seconds。 Was it worth the crack？ If he was discovered it would be a big number。 Demotion。 Goodbye pension scheme； hello post shovel。 In this world； as upon any other； chances were only taken by the nerveless few； success their preserve alone。 To quote the motto of the Phnaargian Special Service 'Who Dares Wins'。
Jovil shook his head。 The lift doors closed。
Mungo Madoc sniffed at the Destiny lily which grew from his lapel。 'So we are all agreed； it is a one…way trip for the chosen operative。'
Diogenes 'Dermot' Darbo made foolish chortling sounds。 Gryphus Garstang rubbed his hands together。 'Sounds good to me；' he sniggered。
Lavinius Wisten raised a limp hand。 'How are we to ensure that the operative in question doesn't return from nineteen fifty…whatever…it…is？'
Mungo Madoc twirled his outrageous moustachios in a manner much beloved of old…time villains about to foreclose on the mortgage。 'Garstang； let me have your thoughts。'
Gryphus Garstang grinned wolfishly。 'Shouldn't be too hard to arrange； a neat little 〃magic box〃 with the words 〃return to Phnaargos〃 printed on it and a single button。 He presses the button and。。。'
Outside in the executive corridor； a certain Jovil Jspht； hearing the buzz of conversation； pressed his ear to the boardroom door。
'All right。' Mungo Madoc took himself over to the picture window and gazed down upon sunny green Phnaargos。 'We are all agreed。 We need a hero。 A brave and f