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He could remember the smell of the Vogt library; like a piano just opened; when his mother received him there to give him holiday things。 He did not remember the faces at the upstairs windows as he walked away; down the frozen sidewalk; the practical gifts burning hateful under his arm; hurrying home to a place inside his head that was quite different from St。 Louis。
At the age of eleven his fantasy life was active and intense and when the pressure of his Love grew too great; he relieved it。 He preyed on pets; carefully; with a cool eye to consequence。 They were so tame that it was easy。 The authorities never linked him with the sad little bloodstains soaked into the dirt floors of garages。
At forty…two he did not remember that。 Nor did he ever think about the people in his mother's house … his mother; stepsisters; or stepbrother。
Sometimes he saw them in his sleep; in the brilliant fragments of a fever dream; altered and tall; faces and bodies in bright parrot colors; they poised over him in a mantis stance。
When he chose to reflect; which was seldom; he had many satisfactory memories。 They were of his military service。
Caught at seventeen entering the window of a woman's house for a purpose never established; he was given the choice of enlisting in the Army or facing criminal charges。 He took the Army。
After basic training he was sent to specialist school in darkroom operation and shipped to San Antonio; where he worked on medical…corps training films at Brooke Army Hospital。
Surgeons at Brooke took an interest in him and decided to improve his face。
They performed a Z…plasty on his nose; using ear cartilage to lengthen the columella; and repaired his lip with an interesting Abbé flap procedure that drew an audience of doctors to the operating theater。
The surgeons were proud of the result。 Dolarhyde declined the mirror and looked out the window。
Records at the film library show Dolarhyde checked out many films; mainly on trauma; and kept them overnight。
He reenlisted in 1958 and in his second hitch he found Hong Kong。 Stationed at Seoul; Korea; developing film from the tiny spotter planes the Army floated over the thirty…eighth parallel in the late 1950's; he was able to go to Hong Kong twice on leave。 Hong Kong and Kowloon could satisfy any appetite in 1959。
Grandmother was released from the sanatorium in 1961 in a vague Thorazine peace。 Dolarhyde asked for and received a hardship discharge two months before his scheduled separation date and went home to take care of her。
It was a curiously peaceful time for him as well。 With his new job at Gateway; Dolarhyde could hire a woman to stay with Grandmother in the daytime。 At night they sat in the parlor together; not speaking。 The tick of the old clock and its chimes were all that broke the silence。
He saw his mother once; at Grandmother's funeral in 1970。 He looked through her; past her; with his yellow eyes so startlingly like her own。 She might have been a stranger。
His appearance surprised his mother。 He was deep…chested and sleek; with her fine coloring and a neat mustache which she suspected was hair transplanted from his head。
She called him once in the next week and heard the receiver slowly replaced。
# # #
For nine years after Grandmother's death Dolarhyde was untroubled and he troubled no one。 His forehead was as smooth as a seed。 He knew that he was waiting。 For what; he didn't know。
One small event; which occurs to everyone; told the seed in his skull it was Time: standing by a north window; examining some film; he noticed aging in his hands。 It was as though his hands; holding the film; had suddenly appeared before him and he saw in that good north light that the skin had slackened over the bones and tendons and his hands were creased in diamonds as small as lizard scales。
As he turned them in the light; an intense odor of cabbage and stewed tomatoes washed over him。 He shivered though the room was warm。 That evening he worked out harder than usual。
A full…length mirror was mounted on the wall of Dolarhyde's attic gym beside his barbells and weight bench。 It was the only mirror hanging in his house; and he could admire his body in it fortably because he always worked out in a mask。
He examined himself carefully while his muscles were pumped up。
At forty; he could have peted successfully in regional body…building petition。 He was not satisfied。
Within the week he came upon the Blake painting。 It seized him instantly。
He saw it in a large; full…color photograph in Time magazine illustrating a report on the Blake retrospective at the Tate Museum in London。 The Brooklyn Museum had sent The Great Red Dragon and the Woman Clothed with the Sun to London for the show。
Time's critic said: 〃Few demonic images in Western art radiate such a nightmarish charge of sexual energy 。 。 。〃 Dolarhyde didn't have to read the text to find that out。
He carried the picture with him for days; photographed and enlarged it in the darkroom late at night。 He was agitated much of the time。 He posted the painting beside his mirror in the weight room and stared at it while he pumped。 He could sleep only when he had worked out to exhaustion and watched his medical films to aid him in sexual relief。
He had known since the age of nine that essentially he was alone and that he would always be alone; a conclusion more mon to the forties。
Now; in his forties; he was seized by a fantasy life with the brilliance and freshness and immediacy of childhood。 It took him a step beyond Alone。
At a time when other men first see and fear their isolation; Dolarhyde's became understandable to him: he was alone because he was Unique。 With the fervor of conversion he saw that if he worked at it; if he followed the true urges he had kept down for so long…cultivated them as the inspirations they truly were … he could Bee。
The Dragon's face is not visible in the painting; but increasingly Dolarhyde came to know how it looked。
Watching his medical films in the parlor; pumped up from lifting; he stretched his jaw wide to hold in Grandmother's teeth。 They did not fit his distorted gums and his jaw cramped quickly。
He worked on his jaw in private moments; biting on a hard rubber block until the muscles stood out in his cheeks like walnuts。
In the fall of 1979; Francis Dolarhyde withdrew part of his considerable savings and took a three…month leave of absence from Gateway。 He went to Hong Kong and he took with him his grandmother's teeth。
When he returned; red…haired Eileen and his other fellow workers agreed that the vacation had done him good。 He was calm。 They hardly noticed that he never used the employees' locker room or shower anymore … he had never done that often anyway。
His grandmother's teeth were back in the glass beside her bed。 His own new ones were locked in his desk upstairs。
If Eileen could have seen him before his mirror; teeth in place; new tattoo brilliant in the harsh gym light; she would have screamed。 Once。
There was time now; he did not have to hurry now。 He had forever。 It was five months before he selected the Jacobis。
The Jacobis were the first to help him; the first to lift