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Young； handsome； and acplish'd； who was said
（In whispers） to have turn'd his sovereign's head。
Some rumour also of some strange adventures
Had gone before him； and his wars and loves；
And as romantic heads are pretty painters；
And； above all； an Englishwoman's roves
Into the excursive； breaking the indentures
Of sober reason wheresoe'er it moves；
He found himself extremely in the fashion；
Which serves our thinking people for a passion。
I don't mean that they are passionless； but quite
The contrary； but then 't is in the head；
Yet as the consequences are as bright
As if they acted with the heart instead；
What after all can signify the site
Of ladies' lucubrations？ So they lead
In safety to the place for which you start；
What matters if the road be head or heart？
Juan presented in the proper place；
To proper placemen； every Russ credential；
And was received with all the due grimace
By those who govern in the mood potential；
Who； seeing a handsome stripling with smooth face；
Thought （what in state affairs is most essential）
That they as easily might do the youngster；
As hawks may pounce upon a woodland songster。
They err'd； as aged men will do； but by
And by we 'll talk of that； and if we don't；
'T will be because our notion is not high
Of politicians and their double front；
Who live by lies； yet dare not boldly lie：…
Now what I love in women is； they won't
Or can't do otherwise than lie； but do it
So well； the very truth seems falsehood to it。
And； after all； what is a lie？ 'T is but
The truth in masquerade； and I defy
Historians； heroes； lawyers。 priests； to put
A fact without some leaven of a lie。
The very shadow of true Truth would shut
Up annals； revelations； poesy；
And prophecy… except it should be dated
Some years before the incidents related。
Praised be all liars and all lies！ Who now
Can tax my mild Muse with misanthropy？
She rings the world's 'Te Deum；' and her brow
Blushes for those who will not：… but to sigh
Is idle； let us like most others bow；
Kiss hands； feet； any part of majesty；
After the good example of 'Green Erin；'
Whose shamrock now seems rather worse for wearing。
Don Juan was presented； and his dress
And mien excited general admiration…
I don't know which was more admired or less：
One monstrous diamond drew much observation；
Which Catherine in a moment of 'ivresse'
（In love or brandy's fervent fermentation）
Bestow'd upon him； as the public learn'd；
And； to say truth； it had been fairly earn'd。
Besides the ministers and underlings；
Who must be courteous to the accredited
Diplomatists of rather wavering kings；
Until their royal riddle 's fully read；
The very clerks；… those somewhat dirty springs
Of office； or the house of office； fed
By foul corruption into streams；… even they
Were hardly rude enough to earn their pay：
And insolence no doubt is what they are
Employ'd for； since it is their daily labour；
In the dear offices of peace or war；
And should you doubt； pray ask of your next neighbour；
When for a passport； or some other bar
To freedom； he applied （a grief and a bore）；
If he found not his spawn of taxborn riches；
But Juan was received with much 'empressement：'…
These phrases of refinement I must borrow
From our next neighbours' land； where； like a chessman；
There is a move set down for joy or sorrow
Not only in mere talking； but the press。 Man
In islands is； it seems； downright and thorough；
More than on continents… as if the sea
（See Billingsgate） made even the tongue more free。
And yet the British 'Damme' 's rather Attic：
Your continental oaths are but incontinent；
And turn on things which no aristocratic
Spirit would name； and therefore even I won't anent
This subject quote； as it would be schismatic
In politesse； and have a sound affronting in 't：…
But 'Damme' 's quite ethereal； though too daring…
Platonic blasphemy； the soul of swearing。
For downright rudeness； ye may stay at home；
For true or false politeness （and scarce that
Now） you may cross the blue deep and white foam…
The first the emblem （rarely though） of what
You leave behind； the next of much you e
To meet。 However； 't is no time to chat
On general topics： poems must confine
Themselves to unity； like this of mine。
In the great world；… which； being interpreted；
Meaneth the west or worst end of a city；
And about twice two thousand people bred
By no means to be very wise or witty；
But to sit up while others lie in bed；
And look down on the universe with pity；…
Juan； as an inveterate patrician；
Was well received by persons of condition。
He was a bachelor； which is a matter
Of import both to virgin and to bride；
The former's hymeneal hopes to flatter；
And （should she not hold fast by love or pride）
'T is also of some moment to the latter：
A rib 's a thorn in a wed gallant's side；
Requires decorum； and is apt to double
The horrid sin… and what 's still worse； the trouble。
But Juan was a bachelor… of arts；
And parts； and hearts： he danced and sung； and had
An air as sentimental as Mozart's
Softest of melodies； and could be sad
Or cheerful； without any 'flaws or starts；'
Just at the proper time； and though a lad；
Had seen the world… which is a curious sight；
And very much unlike what people write。
Fair virgins blush'd upon him； wedded dames
Bloom'd also in less transitory hues；
For both modities dwell by the Thames；
The painting and the painted； youth； ceruse；
Against his heart preferr'd their usual claims；
Such as no gentleman can quite refuse：
Daughters admired his dress； and pious mothers
Inquired his ine； and if he had brothers。
The milliners who furnish 'drapery Misses'
Throughout the season； upon speculation
Of payment ere the honey…moon's last kisses
Have waned into a crescent's coruscation；
Thought such an opportunity as this is；
Of a rich foreigner's initiation；
Not to be overlook'd… and gave such credit；
That future bridegrooms swore； and sigh'd； and paid it。
The Blues； that tender tribe who sigh o'er sonnets；
And with the pages of the last Review
Line the interior of their heads or bonnets；
Advanced in all their azure's highest hue：
They talk'd bad French or Spanish； and upon its
Late authors ask'd him for a hint or two；
And which was softest； Russian or Castilian？
And whether in his travels he saw Ilion？
Juan； who was a little superficial；
And not in literature a great Drawcansir；
Examined by this learned and especial
Jury of matrons； scarce knew what to answer：
His duties warlike； loving or official；
His steady application as a dancer；
Had kept him from the brink of Hippocrene；
Which now he found was blue instead of green。
However； he replied at hazard； with
A modest confidence and calm assurance；
Which lent his learned lucubrations pith；
And pass'd for arguments of good endurance。
That prodigy； Miss Araminta Smith
（Who at sixteen translated 'Hercules Furens'
Into as furious English）； with her best look；
Set down his sayings in her mon…place book。
Juan knew several languages… as well
He might… and brought them up with skill； in time
To save his fame with each acplish'd belle；
Who still regretted that he did not rhyme。
There wanted b