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He always used to boast how he once met Deanna Durbin in New
York。〃
She got three in a row； then missed on the fourth try。 I managed to
squeeze out a point； then missed an easy shot。
〃It's the bandage；〃 said Hatsumi to fort me。
〃No； it's because I haven't played for so long；〃 I said。 〃Two years and
five months。〃
〃How can you be so sure of the time？〃
〃My friend died the night after our last game together；〃 I said。
〃So you stopped playing？〃
〃No； not really；〃 I said after giving it some thought。 〃I just never had
the opportunity to play after that。 That's all。〃 〃How did your friend
die？〃
〃Traffic accident。〃
She made several more shots； aiming with deadly seriousness and
adjusting the strength of each shot with precision。 Watching her in
action … her carefully set hair swept back out of her eyes； golden
earrings sparkling； court shoes set firmly on the floor； lovely； slender
fingers pressing the green baize as she took her shot … I felt as if her
side of the scruffy pool hall had been transformed into part of some
elegant social event。 I had never spent time with her alone before； and
this was a marvellous experience for me； as though I had been drawn
up to a higher plane of life。 At the end of the third game … in which； of
course； she crushed me again …my cut began to throb； and so we
stopped playing。
〃I'm sorry；〃 she said with what seemed like genuine concern； 〃I should
never have suggested this。〃
〃That's OK；〃 I said。 〃It's not a bad cut； I enjoyed playing。 Really。〃
As we were leaving the pool hall； the skinny woman owner said to
Hatsumi； 〃You've a good eye； sister。〃 Hatsumi gave her a sweet smile
and thanked her as she paid the bill。
〃Does it hurt？〃 she asked when we were outside。
〃Not much；〃 I said。
〃Do you think it opened？〃
〃No； it's probably OK。〃
〃I know！ You should e to my place。 I'll change your bandage for
you。 I've got disinfectant and everything。 e on； I'm right over
there。〃
I told her it wasn't worth worrying about； that I'd be OK； but she
insisted we had to check to see if the cut had opened or not。
〃Or is it that you don't like being with me？ You want to go back to
your room as soon as possible； is that it？〃 she said with a playful
smile。
〃No way；〃 I said。
〃All right； then。 Don't stand on ceremony。 It's a short walk。〃
Hatsumi's flat was a 15…minute walk from Shibuya towards Ebisu。 By
no means a glamorous building； it was more than decent； with a nice
little lobby and a lift。 Hatsumi sat me at the kitchen table and went to
the bedroom to change。 She came out wearing a Princeton hooded
sweatshirt and cotton trousers … and no more gold earrings。 Setting a
first…aid box on the table； she undid my bandage； checked to see that
the wound was still sealed； put a little disinfectant on the area and tied
a new bandage over the cut。 She did all this like an expert。 〃How e
you're so good at so many things？〃 I asked。
〃I used to do volunteer work at a hospital。 Kind of like playing nurse。
That's how I learned。〃
When Hatsumi had finished with the bandage； she went and fetched
two cans of beer from the fridge。 She drank half of hers； and I drank
mine plus the half she left。 Then she showed me pictures of the other
girls in her club。 She was right： some of them were cute。
〃Any time you decide you want a girlfriend； e to me；〃 she said。
〃I'll fix you up straight away。〃
〃Yes； Miss。〃
'All right； Toru； tell me the truth。 You think I'm an old matchmaker；
don't you？〃
〃To some extent；〃 I said； telling her the truth； but with a smile。
Hatsumi smiled； too。 She looked good when she smiled。
〃Tell me something else； Toru；〃 she said。 〃What do you think about
Nagasawa and me？〃
〃What do you mean what do I think？ About what？〃
〃About what I ought to do。 From now on。〃
〃It doesn't matter what I think；〃 I said； taking a slug of cold beer。
〃That's all right。 Tell me exactly what you think。〃
〃Well； if I were you； I'd leave him。 I'd find someone with a more
normal way of looking at things and live happily ever after。 There's no
way in hell you can be happy with him。 The way he lives； it never
crosses his mind to try to make himself happy or to make others
happy。 Staying with him will only wreck your nervous system。 To me；
it's already a miracle that you've been with him three years。 Of course；
I'm very fond of him in my own way。 He's fun； and he has lots of great
qualities。
He has strengths and abilities that I could never hope to match。 But in
the end； his ideas about things and the way he lives his life are not
normal。 Sometimes； when I'm talking to him； I feel as if I'm going
around and around in circles。 The same process that takes him higher
and higher leaves me going around in circles。 It makes me feel so
empty！ Finally； our very systems are totally different。 Do you see
what I'm saying？〃
〃I do；〃 Hatsumi said as she brought me another beer from the fridge。
〃Plus； after he gets into the Foreign Ministry and does a year of
training； he'll be going abroad。 What are you going to do all that time？
Wait for him？ He has no intention of marrying anyone。〃
〃I know that； too。〃
〃So I've got nothing else to say。〃
〃I see；〃 said Hatsumi。
I slowly filled my glass with beer。
〃You know； when we were playing pool before； something popped
into my mind；〃 I said。 〃I was an only child； but all the time I was
growing up I never once felt deprived or wished I had brothers or
sisters。 I was happy being alone。 But all of a sudden； playing pool with
you； I had this feeling that I wished I had had an elder sister like you …
really chic and a knockout in a midnight…blue dress and gold earrings
and great with a pool cue。〃
Hatsumi flashed me a happy smile。 〃That's got to be the nicest thing
anybody's said to me in the past year；〃 she said。 〃Really。〃
〃All I want for you；〃 I said； blushing； 〃is for you to be happy。 It's
crazy； though。 You seem like someone who could be happy with just
about anybody； so how did you end up with Nagasawa of all people？〃
〃Things like that just happen。 There's probably not much you can do
about them。 It's certainly true in my case。 Of course； Nagasawa would
say it's my responsibility； not his。'
〃I'm sure he would。〃
〃But anyway； Toru； I'm not the smartest girl in the world。 If anything；
I'm sort of on the stupid side； and old…fashioned。 I couldn't care less
about 〃systems' and 〃responsibility'。 All I want is to get married and
have a man I love hold me in his arms every night and make babies。
That's plenty for me。 It's all I want out of life。〃
〃And what Nagasawa wants out of life has nothing to do with that。〃
〃People change； though； don't you think？〃 Hatsumi asked。 〃You mean；
like； they go out into society and get a kick up the arse and grow up？〃
〃Yeah。 And if he's away from me for a long time； his feelings for me
could change； don't you think？〃
〃Maybe； if he were an ordinary guy；〃 I said。 〃But he's different。 He's
incredibly strong…willed … stronger than you or I can imagine。 And he
only makes himself stronger with every day that goes by。 If something
smashes into him； he just works to make himself stronger。 He'd