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the details for another letter。 What I need now is to rest my nerves in a
quiet place cut off from the world。
I feel grateful in my own way for the year of panionship you gave
me。 Please believe that much even if you believe nothing else。 You are
not the one who hurt me。 I myself am the one who did that。 This is
truly how I feel。
For now； however； I am not prepared to see you。 It's not that I don't
want to see you： I'm simply not prepared for it。 The moment I feel
ready； I will write to you。 Perhaps then we can get to know each other
better。 As you say； this is probably what we should do： get to know
each other better。
Goodbye。
I read Naoko's letter again and again； and each time I would be filled
with that same unbearable sadness I used to feel whenever Naoko
herself stared into my eyes。 I had no way to deal with it； no place I
could take it to or hide it away。 Like the wind passing over my body；
it had neither shape nor weight nor could I wrap myself in it。 Objects
in the scene would drift past me； but the words they spoke never
reached my ears。
I continued to spend my Saturday nights sitting in the hall。 There was
no hope of a phone call； but I didn't know what else to do with the
time。 I would switch on a baseball game and pretend to watch it as I
cut the empty space between me and the television set in two； then cut
each half in two again； over and over； until I had fashioned a space
small enough to hold in my hand。
I would switch the set off at ten； go back to my room； and go to sleep。
At the end of the month； Storm Trooper gave me a firefly。 It was in an
instant coffee jar with air holes in the lid and containing some blades
of grass and a little water。 In the bright room the firefly looked like
some kind of ordinary black insect you'd find by a pond somewhere；
but Storm Trooper insisted it was the real thing。 〃I know a firefly
when I see one；〃 he said； and I had no reason or basis to disbelieve
him。
〃Fine；〃 I said。 〃It's a firefly。〃 It had a sleepy look on its face； but it
kept trying to climb up the slippery glass walls of the jar and falling
back。
〃I found it in the quad；〃 he said。
〃Here？ By the dorm？〃
〃Yeah。 You know the hotel down the street？ They release fireflies in
their garden for summer guests。 This one made it over here。〃
Storm Trooper was busy stuffing clothes and notebooks into his black
Boston bag as he spoke。
We were several weeks into the summer holidays； and he and I were
almost the only ones left in the dorm。 I had carried on with my jobs
rather than go back to Kobe； and he had stayed on for a practical
training session。 Now that the training had ended； he was going back
to the mountains of Yamanashi。
〃You could give this to your girlfriend；〃 he said。 〃I'm sure she'd love
it。〃
〃Thanks；〃 I said。
After dark the dorm was hushed； like a ruin。 The flag had been
lowered and the lights glowed in the windows of the dining hall。 With
so few students left； they turned on only half the lights in the place；
keeping the right half dark and the left lighted。 Still； the smell of
dinner drifted up to me … some kind of cream stew。
I took my bottled firefly to the roof。 No one else was up there。 A white
vest hung on a clothesline that someone had forgotten to take in；
waving in the evening breeze like the discarded shell of some huge
insect。 I climbed a steel ladder in the corner of the roof to the top of
the dormitory's water tank。 The tank was still warm with the heat of
the sunlight it had absorbed during the day。 I sat in the narrow space
above the tank； leaning against the handrail and ing face…to…face
with an almost full white moon。 The lights of Shinjuku glowed to the
right； Ikebukuro to the left。 Car headlights flowed in brilliant streams
from one pool of light to the other。 A dull roar of jumbled sounds
hung over the city like a cloud。
The firefly made a faint glow in the bottom of the jar； its light all too
weak； its colour all too pale。 I hadn't seen a firefly in years； but the
ones in my memory sent a far more intense light into the summer
darkness； and that brilliant； burning image was the one that had stayed
with me all that time。
Maybe this firefly was on the verge of death。 I gave the jar a few
shakes。 The firefly bumped against the glass walls and tried to fly； but
its light remained dim。
I tried to remember when I had last seen fireflies； and where it might
have been。 I could see the scene in my mind； but was unable to recall
the time or place。 I could hear the sound of water in the darkness and
see an old…fashioned brick sluice gate。 It had a handle you could turn
to open and close the gate。 The stream it controlled was small enough
to be hidden by the grass on its banks。 The night was dark； so dark I
couldn't see my feet when I turned out my torch。 Hundreds of fireflies
drifted over the pool of water held back by the sluice gate； their hot
glow reflected in the water like a shower of sparks。
I closed my eyes and steeped myself in that long…ago darkness。 I heard
the wind with unusual clarity。 A light breeze swept past me； leaving
strangely brilliant trails in the dark。 I opened my eyes to find the
darkness of the summer night a few degrees deeper than it had been。
I twisted open the lid of the jar and took out the firefly； setting it on
the two…inch lip of the water tank。 It seemed not to grasp its new
surroundings。 It hobbled around the head of a steel bolt； catching its
legs on curling scabs of paint。 It moved to the right until it found its
way blocked； then circled back to the left。 Finally； with some effort； it
mounted the head of the bolt and crouched there for a while；
unmoving； as if it had taken its last breath。
Still leaning against the handrail； I studied the firefly。 Neither I nor it
made a move for a very long time。 The wind continued sweeping past
the two of us while the numberless leaves of the zelkova tree rustled
in the darkness。
I waited for ever。
Only much later did the firefly take to the air。 As if some thought had
suddenly occurred to it； the firefly spread its wings； and in a moment
it had flown past the handrail to float in the pale darkness。 It traced a
swift arc by the side of the water tank as though trying to bring back a
lost interval in time。 And then； after hovering there for a few seconds
as if to watch its curved line of light blend into the wind； it finally
flew off to the east。
Long after the firefly had disappeared； the trail of its light remained
inside me； its pale； faint glow hovering on and on in the thick darkness
behind my eyelids like a lost soul。
More than once I tried stretching my hand out in the dark。 My fingers
touched nothing。 The faint glow remained； just beyond my grasp。
銆�
4。txt
Norwegian Wood
4
During the summer holidays the university called in the riot police。
They broke down the barricades and arrested the students inside。 This
was nothing new。 It's what all the students were doing at the time。 The
universities were not so easily 〃dismantled〃。 Massive amounts of
capital had been invested in the