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Smoke？ … bathe myself with scent？ …
Play croquet？ Oh； with pleasure！
〃Wear all my hair in curl？
Stand at my door and wink … so …
At every passing girl？
My brothers； I should think so！
〃For years I've longed for some
Excuse for this revulsion：
Now that excuse has come …
I do it on compulsion！！！〃
He smoked and winked away …
This REVEREND HOPLEY PORTER …
The deuce there was to pay
At Assesmilk…cum…Worter。
And HOOPER holds his ground；
In mildness daily growing …
They think him； all around；
The mildest curate going。
Ballad： ONLY A DANCING GIRL。
ONLY a dancing girl；
With an unromantic style；
With borrowed colour and curl；
With fixed mechanical smile；
With many a hackneyed wile；
With ungrammatical lips；
And corns that mar her trips。
Hung from the 〃flies〃 in air；
She acts a palpable lie；
She's as little a fairy there
As unpoetical I！
I hear you asking； Why …
Why in the world I sing
This tawdry； tinselled thing？
No airy fairy she；
As she hangs in arsenic green
From a highly impossible tree
In a highly impossible scene
（Herself not over…clean）。
For fays don't suffer； I'm told；
From bunions； coughs； or cold。
And stately dames that bring
Their daughters there to see；
Pronounce the 〃dancing thing〃
No better than she should be；
With her skirt at her shameful knee；
And her painted； tainted phiz：
Ah； matron； which of us is？
（And； in sooth； it oft occurs
That while these matrons sigh；
Their dresses are lower than hers；
And sometimes half as high；
And their hair is hair they buy；
And they use their glasses； too；
In a way she'd blush to do。）
But change her gold and green
For a coarse merino gown；
And see her upon the scene
Of her home； when coaxing down
Her drunken father's frown；
In his squalid cheerless den：
She's a fairy truly； then！
Ballad： TO A LITTLE MAID … BY A POLICEMAN。
COME with me； little maid；
Nay； shrink not； thus afraid …
I'll harm thee not！
Fly not； my love； from me …
I have a home for thee …
A fairy grot；
Where mortal eye
Can rarely pry；
There shall thy dwelling be！
List to me； while I tell
The pleasures of that cell；
Oh； little maid！
What though its couch be rude；
Homely the only food
Within its shade？
No thought of care
Can enter there；
No vulgar swain intrude！
Come with me； little maid；
Come to the rocky shade
I love to sing；
Live with us； maiden rare …
Come； for we 〃want〃 thee there；
Thou elfin thing；
To work thy spell；
In some cool cell
In stately Pentonville！
Ballad： THE TROUBADOUR。
A TROUBADOUR he played
Without a castle wall；
Within； a hapless maid
Responded to his call。
〃Oh； willow； woe is me！
Alack and well…a…day！
If I were only free
I'd hie me far away！〃
Unknown her face and name；
But this he knew right well；
The maiden's wailing came
From out a dungeon cell。
A hapless woman lay
Within that dungeon grim …
That fact； I've heard him say；
Was quite enough for him。
〃I will not sit or lie；
Or eat or drink； I vow；
Till thou art free as I；
Or I as pent as thou。〃
Her tears then ceased to flow；
Her wails no longer rang；
And tuneful in her woe
The prisoned maiden sang：
〃Oh； stranger； as you play；
I recognize your touch；
And all that I can say
Is； thank you very much。〃
He seized his clarion straight；
And blew thereat； until
A warden oped the gate。
〃Oh； what might be your will？〃
〃I've come； Sir Knave； to see
The master of these halls：
A maid unwillingly
Lies prisoned in their walls。〃'
With barely stifled sigh
That porter drooped his head；
With teardrops in his eye；
〃A many； sir；〃 he said。
He stayed to hear no more；
But pushed that porter by；
And shortly stood before
SIR HUGH DE PECKHAM RYE。
SIR HUGH he darkly frowned；
〃What would you； sir； with me？〃
The troubadour he downed
Upon his bended knee。
〃I've come； DE PECKHAM RYE；
To do a Christian task；
You ask me what would I？
It is not much I ask。
〃Release these maidens； sir；
Whom you dominion o'er …
Particularly her
Upon the second floor。
〃And if you don't； my lord〃 …
He here stood bolt upright；
And tapped a tailor's sword …
〃Come out； you cad； and fight！〃
SIR HUGH he called … and ran
The warden from the gate：
〃Go； show this gentleman
The maid in Forty…eight。〃
By many a cell they past；
And stopped at length before
A portal； bolted fast：
The man unlocked the door。
He called inside the gate
With coarse and brutal shout；
〃Come； step it； Forty…eight！〃
And Forty…eight stepped out。
〃They gets it pretty hot；
The maidens what we cotch …
Two years this lady's got
For collaring a wotch。〃
〃Oh； ah！ … indeed … I see；〃
The troubadour exclaimed …
〃If I may make so free；
How is this castle named？
The warden's eyelids fill；
And sighing； he replied；
〃Of gloomy Pentonville
This is the female side！〃
The minstrel did not wait
The Warden stout to thank；
But recollected straight
He'd business at the Bank。
Ballad： FERDINANDO AND ELVIRA； OR； THE GENTLE PIEMAN。
PART I。
AT a pleasant evening party I had taken down to supper
One whom I will call ELVIRA； and we talked of love and TUPPER；
MR。 TUPPER and the Poets； very lightly with them dealing；
For I've always been distinguished for a strong poetic feeling。
Then we let off paper crackers； each of which contained a motto；
And she listened while I read them； till her mother told her not
to。
Then she whispered； 〃To the ball…room we had better； dear； be
walking；
If we stop down here much longer； really people will be talking。〃
There were noblemen in coronets； and military cousins；
There were captains by the hundred； there were baronets by dozens。
Yet she heeded not their offers； but dismissed them with a
blessing；
Then she let down all her back hair； which had taken long in
dressing。
Then she had convulsive sobbings in her agitated throttle；
Then she wiped her pretty eyes and smelt her pretty smelling…
bottle。
So I whispered； 〃Dear ELVIRA； say； … what can the matter be with
you？
Does anything you've eaten； darling POPSY； disagree with you？〃
But spite of all I said； her sobs grew more and more distressing；
And she tore her pretty back hair； which had taken long in
dressing。
Then she gazed upon the carpet； at the ceiling； then above me；
And she whispered； 〃FERDINANDO； do you really； REALLY love me？〃
〃Love you？〃 said I； then I sighed； and then I gazed upon her
sweetly …
For I think I do this sort of thing particularly neatly。
〃Send me to the Arctic regions； or illimitable azure；
On a scientific goose…chase； with my COXWELL or my GLAISHER！
〃Tell me whither I may hie