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And worked away at him apace；
I painted him till dewy eve； …
There never was a nobler face！
〃Oh； sir；〃 I said； 〃a fortune grand
Is yours； by dint of merest chance； …
To sport HIS brow at second…hand；
To wear HIS cast…off countenance！
〃To rub HIS eyes whene'er they ache …
To wear HIS baldness ere you're old …
To clean HIS teeth when you awake …
To blow HIS nose when you've a cold！〃
His eyeballs glistened in his eyes …
I sat and watched and smoked my pipe；
〃Bravo！〃 I said； 〃I recognize
The phrensy of your prototype！〃
His scanty hair he wildly tore：
〃That's right；〃 said I； 〃it shows your breed。〃
He danced … he stamped … he wildly swore …
〃Bless me； that's very fine indeed！〃
〃Sir；〃 said the grand Shakesperian boy
（Continuing to blaze away）；
〃You think my face a source of joy；
That shows you know not what you say。
〃Forgive these yells and cellar…flaps：
I'm always thrown in some such state
When on his face well…meaning chaps
This wretched man congratulate。
〃For； oh！ this face … this pointed chin …
This nose … this brow … these eyeballs too；
Have always been the origin
Of all the woes I ever knew！
〃If to the play my way I find；
To see a grand Shakesperian piece；
I have no rest； no ease of mind
Until the author's puppets cease。
〃Men nudge each other … thus … and say；
'This certainly is SHAKESPEARE'S son；'
And merry wags （of course in play）
Cry 'Author！' when the piece is done。
〃In church the people stare at me；
Their soul the sermon never binds；
I catch them looking round to see；
And thoughts of SHAKESPEARE fill their minds。
〃And sculptors； fraught with cunning wile；
Who find it difficult to crown
A bust with BROWN'S insipid smile；
Or TOMKINS'S unmannered frown；
〃Yet boldly make my face their own；
When （oh； presumption！） they require
To animate a paving…stone
With SHAKESPEARE'S intellectual fire。
〃At parties where young ladies gaze；
And I attempt to speak my joy；
'Hush； pray；' some lovely creature says；
'The fond illusion don't destroy！'
〃Whene'er I speak； my soul is wrung
With these or some such whisperings：
''Tis pity that a SHAKESPEARE'S tongue
Should say such un…Shakesperian things！'
〃I should not thus be criticised
Had I a face of common wont：
Don't envy me … now； be advised！〃
And； now I think of it； I don't！
Ballad： THE KING OF CANOODLE…DUM。
THE story of FREDERICK GOWLER；
A mariner of the sea；
Who quitted his ship； the HOWLER；
A…sailing in Caribbee。
For many a day he wandered；
Till he met in a state of rum
CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP；
The King of Canoodle…Dum。
That monarch addressed him gaily；
〃Hum！ Golly de do to…day？
Hum！ Lily…white Buckra Sailee〃 …
（You notice his playful way？） …
〃What dickens you doin' here； sar？
Why debbil you want to come？
Hum！ Picaninnee； dere isn't no sea
In City Canoodle…Dum！〃
And GOWLER he answered sadly；
〃Oh； mine is a doleful tale！
They've treated me werry badly
In Lunnon； from where I hail。
I'm one of the Family Royal …
No common Jack Tar you see；
I'm WILLIAM THE FOURTH； far up in the North；
A King in my own countree！〃
Bang…bang！ How the tom…toms thundered！
Bang…bang！ How they thumped this gongs！
Bang…bang！ How the people wondered！
Bang…bang！ At it hammer and tongs！
Alliance with Kings of Europe
Is an honour Canoodlers seek；
Her monarchs don't stop with PEPPERMINT DROP
Every day in the week！
FRED told them that he was undone；
For his people all went insane；
And fired the Tower of London；
And Grinnidge's Naval Fane。
And some of them racked St。 James's；
And vented their rage upon
The Church of St。 Paul； the Fishmongers' Hall；
And the Angel at Islington。
CALAMITY POP implored him
In his capital to remain
Till those people of his restored him
To power and rank again。
CALAMITY POP he made him
A Prince of Canoodle…Dum；
With a couple of caves； some beautiful slaves；
And the run of the royal rum。
Pop gave him his only daughter；
HUM PICKETY WIMPLE TIP：
FRED vowed that if over the water
He went； in an English ship；
He'd make her his Queen； … though truly
It is an unusual thing
For a Caribbee brat who's as black as your hat
To be wife of an English King。
And all the Canoodle…Dummers
They copied his rolling walk；
His method of draining rummers；
His emblematical talk。
For his dress and his graceful breeding；
His delicate taste in rum；
And his nautical way； were the talk of the day
In the Court of Canoodle…Dum。
CALAMITY POP most wisely
Determined in everything
To model his Court precisely
On that of the English King；
And ordered that every lady
And every lady's lord
Should masticate jacky （a kind of tobaccy）；
And scatter its juice abroad。
They signified wonder roundly
At any astounding yarn；
By darning their dear eyes roundly
（'T was all they had to darn）。
They 〃hoisted their slacks；〃 adjusting
Garments of plantain…leaves
With nautical twitches （as if they wore breeches；
Instead of a dress like EVE'S！）
They shivered their timbers proudly；
At a phantom forelock dragged；
And called for a hornpipe loudly
Whenever amusement flagged。
〃Hum！ Golly！ him POP resemble；
Him Britisher sov'reign； hum！
CALAMITY POP VON PEPPERMINT DROP；
De King of Canoodle…Dum！〃
The mariner's lively 〃Hollo！〃
Enlivened Canoodle's plain
（For blessings unnumbered follow
In Civilization's train）。
But Fortune； who loves a bathos；
A terrible ending planned；
For ADMIRAL D。 CHICKABIDDY； C。B。；
Placed foot on Canoodle land！
That rebel； he seized KING GOWLER；
He threatened his royal brains；
And put him aboard the HOWLER；
And fastened him down with chains。
The HOWLER she weighed her anchor；
With FREDERICK nicely nailed；
And off to the North with WILLIAM THE FOURTH
These horrible pirates sailed。
CALAMITY said （with folly）；
〃Hum！ nebber want him again …
Him civilize all of us； golly！
CALAMITY suck him brain！〃
The people； however； were pained when
They saw him aboard his ship；
But none of them wept for their FREDDY； except
HUM PICKETY WIMPLE TIP。
Ballad： THE MARTINET。
SOME time ago； in simple verse
I sang the story true
Of CAPTAIN REECE； the MANTELPIECE；
And all her happy crew。
I showed how any captain may
Attach his men to him；
If he but heeds their smallest needs；
And studies every whim。
Now mark how； by Draconic rule
And HAUTEUR ill…advised；
The noblest crew upon the Blue
May be demoralized。
When his ungrateful country placed
Kind REECE upon half…pay；
Without much claim SIR BERKELY came；
And took command one day。
SIR BERKELY was a martinet …
A stern unyielding soul …
Who ruled his ship by dint of whip
And horrible black…hole。
A sailor who was overcome
From having freely dined；
And ch