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（I can't remember that doctor's name）；
And said； 〃You'll die in a very short while
If you don't set sail for Madeira's isle。〃
〃Go to Madeira？ goodness me！
I haven't the money to pay your fee！〃
〃Then； PALEY VOLLAIRE；〃 said the leech； 〃good bye；
I'll come no more； for your're sure to die。〃
He sighed and he groaned and smote his breast；
〃Oh； send；〃 said he； 〃for FREDERICK WEST；
Ere senses fade or my eyes grow dim：
I've a terrible tale to whisper him！〃
Poor was FREDERICK'S lot in life； …
A dustman he with a fair young wife；
A worthy man with a hard…earned store；
A hundred and seventy pounds … or more。
FREDERICK came； and he said； 〃Maybe
You'll say what you happened to want with me？〃
〃Wronged boy；〃 said PALEY VOLLAIRE； 〃I will；
But don't you fidget yourself … sit still。〃
THE TERRIBLE TALE。
〃'Tis now some thirty…seven years ago
Since first began the plot that I'm revealing；
A fine young woman； whom you ought to know；
Lived with her husband down in Drum Lane； Ealing。
Herself by means of mangling reimbursing；
And now and then （at intervals） wet…nursing。
〃Two little babes dwelt in their humble cot：
One was her own … the other only lent to her：
HER OWN SHE SLIGHTED。 Tempted by a lot
Of gold and silver regularly sent to her；
She ministered unto the little other
In the capacity of foster…mother。
〃I WAS HER OWN。 Oh！ how I lay and sobbed
In my poor cradle … deeply； deeply cursing
The rich man's pampered bantling； who had robbed
My only birthright … an attentive nursing！
Sometimes in hatred of my foster…brother；
I gnashed my gums … which terrified my mother。
〃One day … it was quite early in the week …
I IN MY CRADLE HAVING PLACED THE BANTLING …
Crept into his！ He had not learnt to speak；
But I could see his face with anger mantling。
It was imprudent … well； disgraceful maybe；
For； oh！ I was a bad； blackhearted baby！
〃So great a luxury was food； I think
No wickedness but I was game to try for it。
NOW if I wanted anything to drink
At any time； I only had to cry for it！
ONCE； if I dared to weep； the bottle lacking；
My blubbering involved a serious smacking！
〃We grew up in the usual way … my friend；
My foster…brother； daily growing thinner；
While gradually I began to mend；
And thrived amazingly on double dinner。
And every one； besides my foster…mother；
Believed that either of us was the other。
〃I came into HIS wealth … I bore HIS name；
I bear it still … HIS property I squandered …
I mortgaged everything … and now （oh； shame！）
Into a Somers Town shake…down I've wandered！
I am no PALEY … no； VOLLAIRE … it's true； my boy！
The only rightful PALEY V。 is YOU； my boy！
〃And all I have is yours … and yours is mine。
I still may place you in your true position：
Give me the pounds you've saved； and I'll resign
My noble name； my rank； and my condition。
So far my wickedness in falsely owning
Your vasty wealth； I am at last atoning！〃
* * * * * * *
FREDERICK he was a simple soul；
He pulled from his pocket a bulky roll；
And gave to PALEY his hard…earned store；
A hundred and seventy pounds or more。
PALEY VOLLAIRE； with many a groan；
Gave FREDERICK all that he called his own； …
Two shirts and a sock； and a vest of jean；
A Wellington boot and a bamboo cane。
And FRED （entitled to all things there）
He took the fever from MR。 VOLLAIRE；
Which killed poor FREDERICK WEST。 Meanwhile
VOLLAIRE sailed off to Madeira's isle。
Ballad： THE CAPTAIN AND THE MERMAIDS。
I SING a legend of the sea；
So hard…a…port upon your lee！
A ship on starboard tack！
She's bound upon a private cruise …
（This is the kind of spice I use
To give a salt…sea smack）。
Behold； on every afternoon
（Save in a gale or strong Monsoon）
Great CAPTAIN CAPEL CLEGGS
（Great morally； though rather short）
Sat at an open weather…port
And aired his shapely legs。
And Mermaids hung around in flocks；
On cable chains and distant rocks；
To gaze upon those limbs；
For legs like those； of flesh and bone；
Are things 〃not generally known〃
To any Merman TIMBS。
But Mermen didn't seem to care
Much time （as far as I'm aware）
With CLEGGS'S legs to spend；
Though Mermaids swam around all day
And gazed； exclaiming； 〃THAT'S the way
A gentleman should end！
〃A pair of legs with well…cut knees；
And calves and ankles such as these
Which we in rapture hail；
Are far more eloquent； it's clear
（When clothed in silk and kerseymere）；
Than any nasty tail。〃
And CLEGGS … a worthy kind old boy …
Rejoiced to add to others' joy；
And； when the day was dry；
Because it pleased the lookers…on；
He sat from morn till night … though con…
Stitutionally shy。
At first the Mermen laughed； 〃Pooh！ pooh！〃
But finally they jealous grew；
And sounded loud recalls；
But vainly。 So these fishy males
Declared they too would clothe their tails
In silken hose and smalls。
They set to work； these water…men；
And made their nether robes … but when
They drew with dainty touch
The kerseymere upon their tails；
They found it scraped against their scales；
And hurt them very much。
The silk； besides； with which they chose
To deck their tails by way of hose
（They never thought of shoon）；
For such a use was much too thin； …
It tore against the caudal fin；
And 〃went in ladders〃 soon。
So they designed another plan：
They sent their most seductive man
This note to him to show …
〃Our Monarch sends to CAPTAIN CLEGGS
His humble compliments； and begs
He'll join him down below；
〃We've pleasant homes below the sea …
Besides； if CAPTAIN CLEGGS should be
（As our advices say）
A judge of Mermaids； he will find
Our lady…fish of every kind
Inspection will repay。〃
Good CAPEL sent a kind reply；
For CAPEL thought he could descry
An admirable plan
To study all their ways and laws …
（But not their lady…fish； because
He was a married man）。
The Merman sank … the Captain too
Jumped overboard； and dropped from view
Like stone from catapult；
And when he reached the Merman's lair；
He certainly was welcomed there；
But； ah！ with what result？
They didn't let him learn their law；
Or make a note of what he saw；
Or interesting mem。：
The lady…fish he couldn't find；
But that； of course； he didn't mind …
He didn't come for them。
For though； when CAPTAIN CAPEL sank；
The Mermen drawn in double rank
Gave him a hearty hail；
Yet when secure of CAPTAIN CLEGGS；
They cut off both his lovely legs；
And gave him SUCH a tail！
When CAPTAIN CLEGGS returned aboard；
His blithesome crew convulsive roar'd；
To see him altered so。
The Admiralty did insist
That he upon the Half…pay List
Immediately should go。
In vain declared the poor old salt；
〃It's my misfortune … not my fault；〃
With tear and trembling lip …
In vain poor CAPEL begged and begged。