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upon the breast of a fowl； and then upon the trifle； but the best
jokes of all were decidedly on the lobster salad； upon which latter
subject the lion came out most vigorously； and； in the opinion of
the most competent authorities； quite outshone himself。 This is a
very excellent mode of shining in society； and is founded； we
humbly conceive； upon the classic model of the dialogues between
Mr。 Punch and his friend the proprietor； wherein the latter takes
all the up…hill work； and is content to pioneer to the jokes and
repartees of Mr。 P。 himself； who never fails to gain great credit
and excite much laughter thereby。 Whatever it be founded on；
however； we recommend it to all lions； present and to come； for in
this instance it succeeded to admiration； and perfectly dazzled the
whole body of hearers。
When the salt…cellar； and the fowl's breast； and the trifle； and
the lobster salad were all exhausted； and could not afford
standing…room for another solitary witticism； the keeper performed
that very dangerous feat which is still done with some of the
caravan lions； although in one instance it terminated fatally； of
putting his head in the animal's mouth； and placing himself
entirely at its mercy。 Boswell frequently presents a melancholy
instance of the lamentable results of this achievement； and other
keepers and jackals have been terribly lacerated for their daring。
It is due to our lion to state； that he condescended to be trifled
with； in the most gentle manner； and finally went home with the
showman in a hack cab： perfectly peaceable； but slightly fuddled。
Being in a contemplative mood； we were led to make some reflections
upon the character and conduct of this genus of lions as we walked
homewards； and we were not long in arriving at the conclusion that
our former impression in their favour was very much strengthened
and confirmed by what we had recently seen。 While the other lions
receive company and compliments in a sullen； moody； not to say
snarling manner； these appear flattered by the attentions that are
paid them； while those conceal themselves to the utmost of their
power from the vulgar gaze； these court the popular eye； and；
unlike their brethren； whom nothing short of compulsion will move
to exertion； are ever ready to display their acquirements to the
wondering throng。 We have known bears of undoubted ability who；
when the expectations of a large audience have been wound up to the
utmost pitch； have peremptorily refused to dance； well…taught
monkeys； who have unaccountably objected to exhibit on the slack
wire； and elephants of unquestioned genius； who have suddenly
declined to turn the barrel…organ； but we never once knew or heard
of a biped lion； literary or otherwise； … and we state it as a fact
which is highly creditable to the whole species； … who； occasion
offering； did not seize with avidity on any opportunity which was
afforded him； of performing to his heart's content on the first
violin。
MR。 ROBERT BOLTON： THE 'GENTLEMAN CONNECTED WITH THE PRESS'
In the parlour of the Green Dragon； a public…house in the immediate
neighbourhood of Westminster Bridge； everybody talks politics；
every evening； the great political authority being Mr。 Robert
Bolton； an individual who defines himself as 'a gentleman connected
with the press；' which is a definition of peculiar indefiniteness。
Mr。 Robert Bolton's regular circle of admirers and listeners are an
undertaker； a greengrocer； a hairdresser； a baker； a large stomach
surmounted by a man's head； and placed on the top of two
particularly short legs； and a thin man in black； name； profession；
and pursuit unknown； who always sits in the same position； always
displays the same long； vacant face； and never opens his lips；
surrounded as he is by most enthusiastic conversation； except to
puff forth a volume of tobacco smoke； or give vent to a very
snappy； loud； and shrill HEM！ The conversation sometimes turns
upon literature； Mr。 Bolton being a literary character； and always
upon such news of the day as is exclusively possessed by that
talented individual。 I found myself （of course； accidentally） in
the Green Dragon the other evening； and； being somewhat amused by
the following conversation； preserved it。
'Can you lend me a ten…pound note till Christmas？' inquired the
hairdresser of the stomach。
'Where's your security； Mr。 Clip？'
'My stock in trade； … there's enough of it； I'm thinking； Mr。
Thicknesse。 Some fifty wigs； two poles； half…a…dozen head blocks；
and a dead Bruin。'
'No； I won't； then；' growled out Thicknesse。 'I lends nothing on
the security of the whigs or the Poles either。 As for whigs；
they're cheats； as for the Poles； they've got no cash。 I never
have nothing to do with blockheads； unless I can't awoid it
（ironically）； and a dead bear's about as much use to me as I could
be to a dead bear。'
'Well； then；' urged the other； 'there's a book as belonged to Pope；
Byron's Poems； valued at forty pounds； because it's got Pope's
identical scratch on the back； what do you think of that for
security？'
'Well； to be sure！' cried the baker。 'But how d'ye mean； Mr。
Clip？'
'Mean！ why； that it's got the HOTTERGRUFF of Pope。
〃Steal not this book； for fear of hangman's rope；
For it belongs to Alexander Pope。〃
All that's written on the inside of the binding of the book； so； as
my son says； we're BOUND to believe it。'
'Well； sir；' observed the undertaker； deferentially； and in a half…
whisper； leaning over the table； and knocking over the
hairdresser's grog as he spoke； 'that argument's very easy upset。'
'Perhaps； sir；' said Clip； a little flurried； 'you'll pay for the
first upset afore you thinks of another。'
'Now；' said the undertaker； bowing amicably to the hairdresser； 'I
THINK； I says I THINK … you'll excuse me； Mr。 Clip； I THINK； you
see； that won't go down with the present company … unfortunately；
my master had the honour of making the coffin of that ere Lord's
housemaid； not no more nor twenty year ago。 Don't think I'm proud
on it； gentlemen； others might be； but I hate rank of any sort。
I've no more respect for a Lord's footman than I have for any
respectable tradesman in this room。 I may say no more nor I have
for Mr。 Clip！ （bowing）。 Therefore； that ere Lord must have been
born long after Pope died。 And it's a logical interference to
defer； that they neither of them lived at the same time。 So what I
mean is this here； that Pope never had no book； never seed； felt；
never smelt no book （triumphantly） as belonged to that ere Lord。
And； gentlemen； when I consider how patiently you have 'eared the
ideas what I have expressed； I feel bound； as the best way to
reward you for the kindness you have exhibited； to sit down without
saying anything more … partickler as I perceive a worthier visitor
nor myself is just entered。 I am not in the habit of paying