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mudfog+-第11章

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melancholy instance of a presentiment entertained by the animal of

his approaching dissolution; was recorded。  After gratifying a

numerous and fashionable company with his performances; in which no

falling off whatever was visible; he fixed his eyes on the

biographer; and; turning to the watch which lay on the floor; and

on which he was accustomed to point out the hour; deliberately

passed his snout twice round the dial。  In precisely four…and…

twenty hours from that time he had ceased to exist!



'PROFESSOR WHEEZY inquired whether; previous to his demise; the

animal had expressed; by signs or otherwise; any wishes regarding

the disposal of his little property。



'MR。 BLUNDERUM replied; that; when the biographer took up the pack

of cards at the conclusion of the performance; the animal grunted

several times in a significant manner; and nodding his head as he

was accustomed to do; when gratified。  From these gestures it was

understood that he wished the attendant to keep the cards; which he

had ever since done。  He had not expressed any wish relative to his

watch; which had accordingly been pawned by the same individual。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether any Member of the section had

ever seen or conversed with the pig…faced lady; who was reported to

have worn a black velvet mask; and to have taken her meals from a

golden trough。



'After some hesitation a Member replied that the pig…faced lady was

his mother…in…law; and that he trusted the President would not

violate the sanctity of private life。



'THE PRESIDENT begged pardon。  He had considered the pig…faced lady

a public character。  Would the honourable member object to state;

with a view to the advancement of science; whether she was in any

way connected with the learned pig?



'The Member replied in the same low tone; that; as the question

appeared to involve a suspicion that the learned pig might be his

half…brother; he must decline answering it。





'SECTION B。 … ANATOMY AND MEDICINE。

COACH…HOUSE; PIG AND TINDER…BOX。





PRESIDENT … Dr。 Toorell。  VICE…PRESIDENTS … Professors Muff and

Nogo。



DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN (of Moscow) read to the section a report of a case

which had occurred within his own practice; strikingly illustrative

of the power of medicine; as exemplified in his successful

treatment of a virulent disorder。  He had been called in to visit

the patient on the 1st of April; 1837。  He was then labouring under

symptoms peculiarly alarming to any medical man。  His frame was

stout and muscular; his step firm and elastic; his cheeks plump and

red; his voice loud; his appetite good; his pulse full and round。

He was in the constant habit of eating three meals PER DIEM; and of

drinking at least one bottle of wine; and one glass of spirituous

liquors diluted with water; in the course of the four…and…twenty

hours。  He laughed constantly; and in so hearty a manner that it

was terrible to hear him。  By dint of powerful medicine; low diet;

and bleeding; the symptoms in the course of three days perceptibly

decreased。  A rigid perseverance in the same course of treatment

for only one week; accompanied with small doses of water…gruel;

weak broth; and barley…water; led to their entire disappearance。

In the course of a month he was sufficiently recovered to be

carried down…stairs by two nurses; and to enjoy an airing in a

close carriage; supported by soft pillows。  At the present moment

he was restored so far as to walk about; with the slight assistance

of a crutch and a boy。  It would perhaps be gratifying to the

section to learn that he ate little; drank little; slept little;

and was never heard to laugh by any accident whatever。



'DR。 W。 R。 FEE; in complimenting the honourable member upon the

triumphant cure he had effected; begged to ask whether the patient

still bled freely?



'DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN replied in the affirmative。



'DR。 W。 R。 FEE。 … And you found that he bled freely during the

whole course of the disorder?



'DR。 KUTANKUMAGEN。 … Oh dear; yes; most freely。



'DR。 NEESHAWTS supposed; that if the patient had not submitted to

be bled with great readiness and perseverance; so extraordinary a

cure could never; in fact; have been accomplished。  Dr。

Kutankumagen rejoined; certainly not。



'MR。 KNIGHT BELL (M。R。C。S。) exhibited a wax preparation of the

interior of a gentleman who in early life had inadvertently

swallowed a door…key。  It was a curious fact that a medical student

of dissipated habits; being present at the POST MORTEM examination;

found means to escape unobserved from the room; with that portion

of the coats of the stomach upon which an exact model of the

instrument was distinctly impressed; with which he hastened to a

locksmith of doubtful character; who made a new key from the

pattern so shown to him。  With this key the medical student entered

the house of the deceased gentleman; and committed a burglary to a

large amount; for which he was subsequently tried and executed。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know what became of the original key after

the lapse of years。  Mr。 Knight Bell replied that the gentleman was

always much accustomed to punch; and it was supposed the acid had

gradually devoured it。



'DR。 NEESHAWTS and several of the members were of opinion that the

key must have lain very cold and heavy upon the gentleman's

stomach。



'MR。 KNIGHT BELL believed it did at first。  It was worthy of

remark; perhaps; that for some years the gentleman was troubled

with a night…mare; under the influence of which he always imagined

himself a wine…cellar door。



'PROFESSOR MUFF related a very extraordinary and convincing proof

of the wonderful efficacy of the system of infinitesimal doses;

which the section were doubtless aware was based upon the theory

that the very minutest amount of any given drug; properly dispersed

through the human frame; would be productive of precisely the same

result as a very large dose administered in the usual manner。

Thus; the fortieth part of a grain of calomel was supposed to be

equal to a five…grain calomel pill; and so on in proportion

throughout the whole range of medicine。  He had tried the

experiment in a curious manner upon a publican who had been brought

into the hospital with a broken head; and was cured upon the

infinitesimal system in the incredibly short space of three months。

This man was a hard drinker。  He (Professor Muff) had dispersed

three drops of rum through a bucket of water; and requested the man

to drink the whole。  What was the result?  Before he had drunk a

quart; he was in a state of beastly intoxication; and five other

men were made dead drunk with the remainder。



'THE PRESIDENT wished to know whether an infinitesimal dose of

soda…water would have recovered them?  Professor Muff replied that

the twenty…fifth part of a teaspoonful; properly administered to

each patient; would have sobered him immediately。  The President

remarked that 
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