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by chance？ Why had she said nothing to Nanine； or why had she not
written？ What was the meaning of those tears； this absence； this mystery？
That is what I asked myself in affright； as I stood in the vacant room；
gazing at the clock； which pointed to midnight； and seemed to say to me
that it was too late to hope for my mistress's return。 Yet； after all the
arrangements we had just made； after the sacrifices that had been offered
and accepted； was it likely that she was deceiving me？ No。 I tried to get
rid of my first supposition。
Probably she had found a purchaser for her furniture； and she had gone
to Paris to conclude the bargain。 She did not wish to tell me beforehand；
for she knew that； though I had consented to it； the sale； so necessary to
our future happiness； was painful to me； and she feared to wound my self…
respect in speaking to me about it。 She would rather not see me till the
whole thing was done； and that was evidently why Prudence was
expecting her when she let out the secret。 Marguerite could not finish the
whole business to…day； and was staying the night with Prudence； or
perhaps she would come even now； for she must know bow anxious I
should be； and would not wish to leave me in that condition。 But； if so；
why those tears？ No doubt； despite her love for me； the poor girl could not
make up her mind to give up all the luxury in which she had lived until
now； and for which she had been so envied； without crying over it。 I was
quite ready to forgive her for such regrets。 I waited for her impatiently；
that I might say to her； as I covered her with kisses； that I had guessed the
reason of her mysterious absence。
Nevertheless； the night went on； and Marguerite did not return。
My anxiety tightened its circle little by little； and began to oppress my
head and heart。 Perhaps something had happened to her。 Perhaps she was
injured； ill； dead。 Perhaps a messenger would arrive with the news of some
dreadful accident。 Perhaps the daylight would find me with the same
uncertainty and with the same fears。
The idea that Marguerite was perhaps unfaithful to me at the very
moment when I waited for her in terror at her absence did not return to my
mind。 There must be some cause； independent of her will； to keep her
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away from me； and the more I thought； the more convinced I was that this
cause could only be some mishap or other。 O vanity of man； coming back
to us in every form！
One o'clock struck。 I said to myself that I would wait another hour； but
that at two o'clock； if Marguerite had not returned； I would set out for
Paris。 Meanwhile I looked about for a book； for I dared not think。 Manon
Lescaut was open on the table。 It seemed to me that here and there the
pages were wet as if with tears。 I turned the leaves over and then closed
the book； for the letters seemed to me void of meaning through the veil of
my doubts。
Time went slowly。 The sky was covered with clouds。 An autumn rain
lashed the windows。 The empty bed seemed at moments to assume the
aspect of a tomb。 I was afraid。
I opened the door。 I listened； and heard nothing but the voice of the
wind in the trees。 Not a vehicle was to be seen on the road。 The half hour
sounded sadly from the church tower。
I began to fear lest some one should enter。 It seemed to me that only a
disaster could come at that hour and under that sombre sky。
Two o'clock struck。 I still waited a little。 Only the sound of the bell
troubled the silence with its monotonous and rhythmical stroke。
At last I left the room； where every object had assumed that
melancholy aspect which the restless solitude of the heart gives to all its
surroundings。
In the next room I found Nanine sleeping over her work。 At the sound
of the door； she awoke and asked if her mistress had come in。
〃No； but if she comes in； tell her that I was so anxious that I had to go
to Paris。〃
〃At this hour？〃
〃Yes。
〃But how？ You won't find a carriage。〃
〃I will walk。〃
〃But it is raining。〃
〃No matter。〃
〃But madame will be coming back； or if she doesn't come it will be
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time enough in the morning to go and see what has kept her。 You will be
murdered on the way。〃
〃There is no danger； my dear Nanine； I will see you to…morrow。〃
The good girl went and got me a cloak； put it over my shoulders； and
offered to wake up Mme。 Arnould to see if a vehicle could be obtained；
but I would hear of nothing； convinced as I was that I should lose； in a
perhaps fruitless inquiry； more time than I should take to cover half the
road。 Besides； I felt the need of air and physical fatigue in order to cool
down the over… excitement which possessed me。
I took the key of the flat in the Rue d'Antin； and after saying good…bye
to Nanine； who came with me as far as the gate； I set out。
At first I began to run； but the earth was muddy with rain； and I
fatigued myself doubly。 At the end of half an hour I was obliged to stop；
and I was drenched with sweat。 I recovered my breath and went on。 The
night was so dark that at every step I feared to dash myself against one of
the trees on the roadside； which rose up sharply before me like great
phantoms rushing upon me。
I overtook one or two wagons； which I soon left behind。 A carriage
was going at full gallop toward Bougival。 As it passed me the hope came
to me that Marguerite was in it。 I stopped and cried out； 〃Marguerite！
Marguerite！〃 But no one answered and the carriage continued its course。 I
watched it fade away in the distance； and then started on my way again。 I
took two hours to reach the Barriere de l'Etoile。 The sight of Paris restored
my strength； and I ran the whole length of the alley I had so often walked。
That night no one was passing； it was like going through the midst of a
dead city。 The dawn began to break。 When I reached the Rue d'Antin the
great city stirred a little before quite awakening。 Five o'clock struck at the
church of Saint Roch at the moment when I entered Marguerite's house。 I
called out my name to the porter； who had had from