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〃Look here； Prudence； do you know what he wants？〃 said Marguerite。
〃He wants you to forgive him。〃
〃Precisely。〃
〃And you do？〃
〃One has to； but he wants more than that。〃
〃What； then？〃
〃He wants to have supper with us。〃
〃And do you consent？〃
〃What do you think？〃
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〃I think that you are two children who haven't an atom of sense
between you； but I also think that I am very hungry； and that the sooner
you consent the sooner we shall have supper。〃
〃Come；〃 said Marguerite； 〃there is room for the three of us in my
carriage。〃
〃By the way；〃 she added； turning to me； 〃Nanine will be gone to bed。
You must open the door； take my key； and try not to lose it again。〃
I embraced Marguerite until she was almost stifled。
Thereupon Joseph entered。
〃Sir；〃 he said； with the air of a man who is very well satisfied with
himself； 〃the luggage is packed。〃
〃All of it？〃
〃Yes； sir。〃
〃Well； then； unpack it again； I am not going。〃
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CHAPTER 16
I might have told you of the beginning of this liaison in a few lines；
but I wanted you to see every step by which we came； I to agree to
whatever Marguerite wished； Marguerite to be unable to live apart from
me。
It was the day after the evening when she came to see me that I sent
her Manon Lescaut。
From that time； seeing that I could not change my mistress's life； I
changed my own。 I wished above all not to leave myself time to think over
the position I had accepted； for； in spite of myself； it was a great distress to
me。 Thus my life； generally so calm； assumed all at once an appearance of
noise and disorder。 Never believe； however disinterested the love of a kept
woman may be； that it will cost one nothing。 Nothing is so expensive as
their caprices； flowers； boxes at the theatre； suppers； days in the country；
which one can never refuse to one's mistress。 As I have told you； I had
little money。 My father was； and still is； receveur general at C。 He has a
great reputation there for loyalty； thanks to which he was able to find the
security which he needed in order to attain this position。
It is worth forty thousand francs a year； and during the ten years that
he has had it； he has paid off the security and put aside a dowry for my
sister。 My father is the most honourable man in the world。 When my
mother died； she left six thousand francs a year； which he divided between
my sister and myself on the very day when he received his appointment；
then； when I was twenty…one； he added to this little income an annual
allowance of five thousand francs； assuring me that with eight thousand
francs a year I might live very happily at Paris； if； in addition to this； I
would make a position for myself either in law or medicine。 I came to
Paris； studied law； was called to the bar； and； like many other young men；
put my diploma in my pocket； and let myself drift； as one so easily does in
Paris。
My expenses were very moderate； only I used up my year's income in
eight months； and spent the four summer months with my father； which
practically gave me twelve thousand francs a year； and； in addition； the
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reputation of a good son。 For the rest； not a penny of debt。
This； then； was my position when I made the acquaintance of
Marguerite。 You can well understand that； in spite of myself； my expenses
soon increased。 Marguerite's nature was very capricious； and； like so many
women； she never regarded as a serious expense those thousand and one
distractions which made up her life。 So； wishing to spend as much time
with me as possible； she would write to me in the morning that she would
dine with me； not at home； but at some restaurant in Paris or in the country。
I would call for her； and we would dine and go on to the theatre； often
having supper as well； and by the end of the evening I had spent four or
five louis； which came to two or three thousand francs a month； which
reduced my year to three months and a half； and made it necessary for me
either to go into debt or to leave Marguerite。 I would have consented to
anything except the latter。
Forgive me if I give you all these details； but you will see that they
were the cause of what was to follow。 What I tell you is a true and simple
story； and I leave to it all the naivete of its details and all the simplicity of
its developments。
I realized then that as nothing in the world would make me forget my
mistress； it was needful for me to find some way of meeting the expenses
into which she drew me。 Then； too； my love for her had so disturbing an
influence upon me that every moment I spent away from Marguerite was
like a year； and that I felt the need of consuming these moments in the fire
of some sort of passion； and of living them so swiftly as not to know that I
was living them。
I began by borrowing five or six thousand francs on my little capital；
and with this I took to gambling。 Since gambling houses were destroyed
gambling goes on everywhere。 Formerly； when one went to Frascati； one
had the chance of making a fortune； one played against money； and if one
lost； there was always the consolation of saying that one might have
gained； whereas now； except in the clubs； where there is still a certain
rigour in regard to payments； one is almost certain； the moment one gains
a considerable sum； not to receive it。 You will readily understand why。
Gambling is only likely to be carried on by young people very much in
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need of money and not possessing the fortune necessary for supporting the
life they lead； they gamble； then； and with this result； or else they gain；
and then those who lose serve to pay for their horses and mistresses； which
is very disagreeable。 Debts are contracted； acquaintances begun about a
green