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s； ink； and paper in profusion； were seated； and everything seemed ready。 I was brought in by a special constable； the indictment read； and I was asked to plead guilty； or not guilty。 I rose and In a most solemn manner； stated that I could not conscientiously plead guilty or not guilty； that I had； in fact； committed many of the acts charged in the indictment； but these acts； I was ready to show； were not criminal； but on the contrary； worthy of praise。 My plea was received and the first witness called。
〃He testified to having visited the prisoner's museum； and of being humbugged by the Feejee mermaid； the nurse of Washington； and by other curiosities； natural and unnatural。 The questions and answers having been all arranged in advance； everything worked smoothly。 Acting as my own counsel； I cross…examined the witness by simply asking whether he saw anything else in the museum besides what he had mentioned。
〃 'Oh！ yes； I saw thousands of other things。'
〃 'Were they curious？'
〃 'Certainly； many of them very astonishing。'
〃 'Did you ever witness a dramatic representation in the museum？'
〃 'Yes； sir； a very good one。'
〃 'What did you pay for all this？'
〃 'Twenty…five cents。'
〃 'That will do； sir； you can step down。'
〃A second； third and fourth witness were called； and the examination was similar to the foregoing。 Another witness then appeared to testify in regard to another count in the indictment。 He stated that for several weeks he was the guest of the prisoner； at his country residence Iranistan and he gave a most amusing description of the various schemes and contrivances which were there originated for the purpose of being carried out at some future day in the museum。
〃 'How did you live there？' asked one of the counsel for the prosecution。
〃 'Very well； indeed； in the daytime；' was the reply； 'plenty of the best to eat and drink except liquors。 In bed； however； it was impossible to sleep。 I rose the first night； struck a light； and on examination found myself covered with myriads of tattle bugs； so small as to be almost imperceptible。 By using my microscope I discovered them to be infantile bedbugs。 After the first night I was obliged to sleep in the coach…house in order to escape this annoyance。'
〃Of course this elicited much mirth。 The first question put on the cross…examination was this：
〃 'Are you a naturalist； sir？'
〃The witness hesitated。 In all the drilling that had taken place before the trial； neither the counsel nor witnesses had thought of what questions might come up in the cross…examination； and now； not seeing the drift of the question； the witness seemed a little bewildered； and the counsel for the prosecution looked puzzled。
〃The question was repeated with some emphasis。
〃 'No； sir；' replied the witness； hesitatingly； 'I am not a naturalist。'
〃 'Then； sir； not being a naturalist； dare you affirm that those microscopic insects were not humbugs instead of bedbugs'（here the prisoner was interrupted by a universal shout of laughter； in which the solemn judge himself joined）land if they were humbugs； I suppose that even the learned counsel opposed to me will not claim that they were out of place。
〃 'They may have been humbugs；' replied the witness。
〃 'That will do； sir； you may go；' said I； and at the same time； turning to the array of counsel； I remarked； with a smile； 'You had better have a naturalist for your next witness； gentlemen。'
〃 'Don't be alarmed； sir； we have got one； and we will now introduce him；' replied the counsel。
〃The next witness testified that he was a planter from Georgia； that some years since the prisoner visited his plantation with a show； and that while there he discovered an old worthless donkey belonging to the planter； and bought him for five dollars。 The next year the witness visited Iranistan； the country seat of the prisoner； and； while walking about the grounds； his old donkey； recognizing his former master； brayed； 'whereupon；' continued the witness； 'I walked up to the animal and found that two men were engaged in sticking wool upon him； and this animal was afterwards exhibited by the prisoner as the woolly horse。'
〃The whole courtspectators； and even the 'prisoner' himselfwere convulsed with laughter at the gravity with which the planter gave his very ludicrous testimony。
〃 'What evidence have you；' I inquired； 'that this was the same donkey which you sold to me？'
〃 'The fact that the animal recognized me； as was evident from his braying as soon as he saw me。'
〃 'Are you a naturalist； sir？'
〃 'Yes； I am；' replied the planter； with firm emphasis； as much as to say； you can't catch me as you did the other witness。
〃 'Oh！ you are a naturalist； are you？ Then； sir； I ask you； as a naturalist； do you not know it to be a fact in natural history that one jackass always brays as soon as he sees another？'
〃This question was received with shouts of laughter； in the midst of which the nonplussed witness backed out of court； and all the efforts of special constables； and even the high sheriff himself； were unavailing in getting him again on the witness stand。
〃This trial lasted two days； to the great delight of all on board。 After my success with the 'naturalist；' not one…half of the witnesses would appear against me。 In my final argument I sifted the testimony； analyzed its bearings； ruffled the learned counsel； disconcerted the witnesses； flattered the judge and jury； and when the judge had delivered his charge； the jury acquitted me without leaving their seats。 The judge received the verdict； and then announced that he should fine the naturalist for the mistake he made； as to the cause of the donkey's braying； and he should also fine the several witnesses； who； through fear of the cross…fire； had refused to testify。〃
The trial afforded a pleasant topic of conversation for the rest of the voyage； and the morning before arriving in port； a vote of thanks was passed to Barnum； in consideration of the amusement he had intentionally and unintentionally furnished to the passengers during the voyage。
The treatment to which Barnum was subjected on his arrival in New York； was in strange and discreditable contrast to that which he had enjoyed abroad。 He sometimes spoke of it in later life； though without any bitterness。 He was too much of a philosopher to take it to heart。 〃After my arrival；〃 he would say； 〃often； in passing up and down Broadway； I saw old and prosperous friends coming； but before I came anywhere near them； if they espied me； they would dodge into a store； or across the street； or opportunely meet some one with whom they had pressing business； or they would be very much interested in something that was going on over the way； or on top of the City Hall。 I was delighted at this； for it gave me at once a new sensation and a new experience。 'Ah； ha！' I said to myself； 'my butterfly friends； I know you now； and； what is more to the point； if ever I get out of this bewilderment of broken clock…wheels； I shall not forget you；' and I heartily thanked the old clock concern for giving me the opportunity to learn this sad but most needful lesson。 I had a very few of the same sort of experiences in Br