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Mountclere himself was proceeding in that direction； which might
lead to other unseemly rencounters with him had she； too； persevered
in her journey。 She accordingly gave Sol and Dan directions for
their guidance to Paris and back； starting herself with Cornelia the
next day to return again to Knollsea； and to decide finally and for
ever what to do in the vexed question at present agitating her。
Never before in her life had she treated marriage in such a terribly
cool and cynical spirit as she had done that day； she was almost
frightened at herself in thinking of it。 How far any known system
of ethics might excuse her on the score of those curious pressures
which had been brought to bear upon her life； or whether it could
excuse her at all； she had no spirit to inquire。 English society
appeared a gloomy concretion enough to abide in as she contemplated
it on this journey home； yet； since its gloominess was less an
essential quality than an accident of her point of view； that point
of view she had determined to change。
There lay open to her two directions in which to move。 She might
annex herself to the easy…going high by wedding an old nobleman； or
she might join for good and all the easy…going low； by plunging back
to the level of her family； giving up all her ambitions for them；
settling as the wife of a provincial music…master named Julian； with
a little shop of fiddles and flutes； a couple of old pianos； a few
sheets of stale music pinned to a string； and a narrow back parlour；
wherein she would wait for the phenomenon of a customer。 And each
of these divergent grooves had its fascinations； till she reflected
with regard to the first that； even though she were a legal and
indisputable Lady Mountclere； she might be despised by my lord's
circle； and left lone and lorn。 The intermediate path of accepting
Neigh or Ladywell had no more attractions for her taste than the
fact of disappointing them had qualms for her conscience； and how
few these were may be inferred from her opinion； true or false； that
two words about the spigot on her escutcheon would sweep her lovers'
affections to the antipodes。 She had now and then imagined that her
previous intermarriage with the Petherwin family might efface much
besides her surname； but experience proved that the having been wife
for a few weeks to a minor who died in his father's lifetime； did
not weave such a tissue of glory about her course as would resist a
speedy undoing by startling confessions on her station before her
marriage； and her environments now。
36。 THE HOUSE IN TOWN
Returning by way of Knollsea； where she remained a week or two；
Ethelberta appeared one evening at the end of September before her
house in Exonbury Crescent； accompanied by a pair of cabs with the
children and luggage； but Picotee was left at Knollsea； for reasons
which Ethelberta explained when the family assembled in conclave。
Her father was there； and began telling her of a surprising change
in Menlovean unasked…for concession to their cause； and a vow of
secrecy which he could not account for； unless any friend of
Ethelberta's had bribed her。
'O nothat cannot be；' said she。 Any influence of Lord Mountclere
to that effect was the last thing that could enter her thoughts。
'However； what Menlove does makes little difference to me now。' And
she proceeded to state that she had almost come to a decision which
would entirely alter their way of living。
'I hope it will not be of the sort your last decision was；' said her
mother。
'No； quite the reverse。 I shall not live here in state any longer。
We will let the house throughout as lodgings； while it is ours； and
you and the girls must manage it。 I will retire from the scene
altogether； and stay for the winter at Knollsea with Picotee。 I
want to consider my plans for next year； and I would rather be away
from town。 Picotee is left there； and I return in two days with the
books and papers I require。'
'What are your plans to be？'
'I am going to be a schoolmistressI think I am。'
'A schoolmistress？'
'Yes。 And Picotee returns to the same occupation； which she ought
never to have forsaken。 We are going to study arithmetic and
geography until Christmas； then I shall send her adrift to finish
her term as pupil…teacher； while I go into a training…school。 By
the time I have to give up this house I shall just have got a little
country school。'
'But；' said her mother； aghast； 'why not write more poems and sell
'em？'
'Why not be a governess as you were？' said her father。
'Why not go on with your tales at Mayfair Hall？' said Gwendoline。
'I'll answer as well as I can。 I have decided to give up romancing
because I cannot think of any more that pleases me。 I have been
trying at Knollsea for a fortnight； and it is no use。 I will never
be a governess again： I would rather be a servant。 If I am a
schoolmistress I shall be entirely free from all contact with the
great； which is what I desire； for I hate them； and am getting
almost as revolutionary as Sol。 Father； I cannot endure this kind
of existence any longer； I sleep at night as if I had committed a
murder： I start up and see processions of people； audiences；
battalions of lovers obtained under false pretencesall denouncing
me with the finger of ridicule。 Mother's suggestion about my
marrying I followed out as far as dogged resolution would carry me；
but during my journey here I have broken down； for I don't want to
marry a second time among people who would regard me as an upstart
or intruder。 I am sick of ambition。 My only longing now is to fly
from society altogether； and go to any hovel on earth where I could
be at peace。'
'Whathas anybody been insulting you？' said Mrs。 Chickerel。
'Yes； or rather I sometimes think he may have： that is； if a
proposal of marriage is only removed from being a proposal of a very
different kind by an accident。'
'A proposal of marriage can never be an insult；' her mother
returned。
'I think otherwise；' said Ethelberta。
'So do I；' said her father。
'Unless the man was beneath you； and I don't suppose he was that；'
added Mrs。 Chickerel。
'You are quite right； he was not that。 But we will not talk of this
branch of the subject。 By far the most serious concern with me is
that I ought to do some good by marriage； or by heroic performance
of some kind； while going back to give the rudiments of education to
remote hamleteers will do none of you any good whatever。'
'Never you mind us；' said her father； 'mind yourself。'
'I shall hardly be minding myself either； in your opinion； by doing
that；' said Ethelberta dryly。 'But it will be more tolerable than
what I am doing now。 Georgina； and Myrtle； and Emmeline； and Joey
will not get the education I intended for them； but that must go； I
suppose。'
'How full of vagaries you are；' said her mother。 'Why won't it do
to continue as you are？ No sooner have I learnt up your schemes；
and got enough used to 'em to see something in 'em； than you must
needs bewilder me again by starting some fresh one； so that my mind
gets no rest at all。'
Ethelberta too keenly felt the justice