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BICYCLE…SKIRT A abbreviated garment that makes women look shorter
and men longer。
BIGAMY A form of insanity in which a man insists on paying three
board bills instead of two。
BILLIOUSNESS A liver complaint often mistaken for piety。
BILL…OF…FARE A list of eatables。 Distinguished from Menu by
figures in the right…hand column。
BIOGRAPH A stereopticon picture taken with a chill and shown with
tremors。
BIRDIE A term a woman is apt to apply to a man she is playing for
a jay。
BIRTHDAY Anniversary of one's birth。 Observed only by men and
children。
BLUBBER The useful product of a dead whale。 The useless product
of a live baby。
BLUE The only color we can feel。 INVISIBLE BLUE A policeman。
BLUSH A temporary erythema and calorific effulgence of the
physiognomy； aeteologized by the perceptiveness of the sensorium；
in a predicament of inequilibrity； from a sense of shame； anger or
other cause； eventuating in a paresis of the vase…motorial；
muscular filaments of the facial capillaries； whereby； being
divested of their elasticity； they become suffused with a radiance
emanating from an intimidated praecordia。
BOARD An implement for administering corporal punishment； used by
mothers and landladies。 〃The Festive Board〃 may be a shingle； a
hair…brush a fish…hash breakfast or a stewed prune supper。
BOHEMIA （Not on the map。） A land flowing with canned milk and
distilled honey and untroubled by consistency； convention；
conscience or cash。 A land to which many are called and few
chosen。
BONE One Dollarthe original price of a wife。 Note； Adam； who
had to give up one bone before he got Eve。
BONNETS A female head trouble； which is contracted the latter part
of Lent and breaks out on Easter。
BOODLE Money； born of poor； but dishonest parents； and taken in by
the Graft family。
BORROW v。 t。； to swap hot air for cold coin。
BOWER A shady retreat； in general。
BOWERY A shady retreat in New York。
BRACE Security for the trousers。
BRACER Security for the stomach。
BRACELET Security for the pawn…broker。
BRAIN The top…floor apartment in the Human Block； known as the
Cranium； and kept by the Sarah SistersSarah Brum and Sarah Belum；
assisted by Medulla Oblongata。 All three are nervous； but are
always confined to their cells。 The Brain is done in gray and
white； and furnished with light and heat； hot or cold water； （if
desired）； with regular connections to the outside world by way of
the Spinal Circuit。 Usually occupied by the Intellect Bros。；
Thoughts and Ideasas an Intelligence Office； but sometimes sub…
let to Jag； Hang…Over & Co。
BRAND Something carried on the hip； by either beast or man。 Can
be found on the outside of a short； red steer； or the inside of a
long； black bottle。
BRASS BAND A clever though somewhat complicated arrangement for
holding a crowd together。
BRICK An admirable person made of the right sort of clay and
possessing plenty of sand。 What your friends call you before you
go to the wallbut never afterward。
BRIMSTONE A little bit of Hades； which finds its match on earth
and smells to heaven。 Better to strike it here than in the
hereafter。
BREVITY A desirable quality in the Fourth of July oration but not
in the fireworks。
BROKE A word expressing the ultimate condition of one who is too
much bent on speculating。
BUM A fallen tough。
BUMP A tough fall。
BUNCO The art of disseminating knowledge in the rural districts。
BY…STANDER One who is injured in a street fight。
People who live in glass houses should dress in the dark。
C
Don't put all your eggs in one baskettry an incubator。
CAB Affair for a drive。
CABBY Driver for a fare。
CACHINNATION The hysterical 〃Ha…Ha。〃 Syn。 for Carrie Nation。
CADDIE A small boy； employed at a liberal stipend to lose balls
for others and find them for himself。
CAFE A place where the public pays the proprietor for the
privilege of tipping the waiters for something to eat。
CAJOLE v。 t。； From Grk。 kalos； beautiful； and Eng。 jolly； to jolly
beautifully。
CALCIUM An earthly light that brightens even the stars。
CANNIBAL A heathen hobo who never works； but lives on other
people。
CAPTIVATE From Lat。 caput； head； and Eng。 vacate； or empty；to
empty the head。 Note； Women who have captivated men。
CAPE A neck in the sea。
CAPER A foot in the air。
CARNEGIE…ITIS A mania for burning money。 Contracted in a
Pennsylvania blast furnace； developed in a Scotch castle and now
epidemic in American public libraries。
CART v。 t。； To take off。
CARTOON The take…off。
CAULIFLOWER A Cabbage with a college education。
CAVALRY That arm of the military service that engages in the real
hoss…tilities。
CEMETERY The one place where princes and paupers； porters and
presidents are finally on the dead level。
CHAMPAGNE The stuff that makes the world go round。
CHAIR Four…legged aid to the injured。
CHARITY Forehanded aid to the indigent。
CHAUFFEUR A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile； but
clever enough not to own one。
CHRISTIAN A member of any orthodox church。
CHRISTMAS A widely observed holiday on which the past nor the
future is of so much interest as the present。
CHUMP Any one whose opinion differs radically from ours。
CIGARETTE A weed whose smoke； some say； should never be inhaled；
and still more insist should never be exhaled。
CINDER One of the first things to catch your eye in travelling。
CIVILIZATION An upward growth or tendency that has enabled mankind
to develop the college yell from what was once only a feeble war…
whoop。
COLLECTOR A man whom few care to see but many ask to call again。
COLLEGE From Fr。 colle； pasted or stuck； and etude； study。 A
place where everyone is stuck on study。（？）
COLONEL A male resident of Kentucky。 See KERNEL。
COMPLIMENT v。 t。； From Eng。 con；hot air； and Lat。 pleo； to fill。
Hence； to fill with hot air。
COMPLEXION Color for the face。 From Eng。 complex； difficult； and
shun； to avoid。 To avoid difficulty； buy it of the druggist。
COMMENDATION From Eng。 con； a josh； and mend； to fix up。 Hence； a
fixed…up josh。
CONDUCTOR From Eng。 coin； and Lat。 duco； to command。 One who
commands the coin。
CONSCIENCE The fear of being found out。
COOK A charitable institution； providing food and shelter for
Policemen。
CORPS A big bunch of fighters。 （Dist。 bet。 cores found in apples
and corps found in arms）。
CORSET From Fr。 corps； shape； and sec； rough。 Rough on the shape。
COSMETIC A new face…maker。 From Grk。 kosmos； order； and Eng。
medic； or doctor；ordered by the doctor。 （See Complexion。）
COT A snooze for one。
COTILLON A dance for eight。
CREDIT Something for nothing。
CREDITOR Something with nothing。
CREDULITY A feminine virtue and a masculine vice。
CREMATION A means of disposing of the dead likely to become very
popular； especially with women who are so fond of having the last
retort。
CRITIC A wet blanket that soaks everything it touches。
CROOK One who exceeds the speed limit in Law & Order Ave。 A
Misfit in the Straight and Narrow Way。
CROW