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Dorothys and your old wifes。 You may be a Darby； but I'll be no Joan； I
promise you。 I'm not so old as you'd make me； by more than one good
year。 Add twenty to twenty； and make money of that。
HARDCASTLE。 Let me see； twenty added to twenty makes just
fifty and seven。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 It's false； Mr。 Hardcastle； I was but twenty
when I was brought to bed of Tony； that I had by Mr。 Lumpkin； my first
husband； and he's not come to years of discretion yet。
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HARDCASTLE。 Nor ever will； I dare answer for him。 Ay； you
have taught him finely。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 No matter。 Tony Lumpkin has a good
fortune。 My son is not to live by his learning。 I don't think a boy wants
much learning to spend fifteen hundred a year。
HARDCASTLE。 Learning； quotha！ a mere composition of tricks and
mischief。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Humour； my dear； nothing but humour。
Come； Mr。 Hardcastle； you must allow the boy a little humour。
HARDCASTLE。 I'd sooner allow him a horse…pond。 If burning the
footmen's shoes； frightening the maids； and worrying the kittens be
humour； he has it。 It was but yesterday he fastened my wig to the back of
my chair； and when I went to make a bow； I popt my bald head in Mrs。
Frizzle's face。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 And am I to blame？ The poor boy was
always too sickly to do any good。 A school would be his death。 When
he comes to be a little stronger； who knows what a year or two's Latin may
do for him？
HARDCASTLE。 Latin for him！ A cat and fiddle。 No； no； the
alehouse and the stable are the only schools he'll ever go to。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Well； we must not snub the poor boy now；
for I believe we shan't have him long among us。 Anybody that looks in
his face may see he's consumptive。
HARDCASTLE。 Ay； if growing too fat be one of the symptoms。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 He coughs sometimes。
HARDCASTLE。 Yes； when his liquor goes the wrong way。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 I'm actually afraid of his lungs。
HARDCASTLE。 And truly so am I； for he sometimes whoops like a
speaking trumpet（Tony hallooing behind the scenes）O； there he goesa
very consumptive figure； truly。
Enter TONY； crossing the stage。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Tony； where are you going； my charmer？
Won't you give papa and I a little of your company； lovee？
TONY。 I'm in haste； mother； I cannot stay。
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MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 You shan't venture out this raw evening； my
dear； you look most shockingly。
TONY。 I can't stay； I tell you。 The Three Pigeons expects me down
every moment。 There's some fun going forward。
HARDCASTLE。 Ay； the alehouse； the old place： I thought so。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 A low； paltry set of fellows。
TONY。 Not so low； neither。 There's Dick Muggins the exciseman；
Jack Slang the horse doctor； Little Aminadab that grinds the music box；
and Tom Twist that spins the pewter platter。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 Pray； my dear； disappoint them for one night
at least。
TONY。 As for disappointing them； I should not so much mind； but I
can't abide to disappoint myself。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 （detaining him。） You shan't go。
TONY。 I will； I tell you。
MRS。 HARDCASTLE。 I say you shan't。 TONY。 We'll see which
is strongest； you or I。 ＇Exit； hauling her out。＇
HARDCASTLE。 （solus。） Ay； there goes a pair that only spoil each
other。 But is not the whole age in a combination to drive sense and
discretion out of doors？ There's my pretty darling Kate！ the fashions of
the times have almost infected her too。 By living a year or two in town；
she is as fond of gauze and French frippery as the best of them。
Enter MISS HARDCASTLE。
HARDCASTLE。 Blessings on my pretty innocence！ drest out as
usual； my Kate。 Goodness！ What a quantity of superfluous silk hast
thou got about thee； girl！ I could never teach the fools of this age； that
the indigent world could be clothed out of the trimmings of the vain。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 You know our agreement； sir。 You allow
me the morning to receive and pay visits； and to dress in my own manner；
and in the evening I put on my housewife's dress to please you。
HARDCASTLE。 Well； remember； I insist on the terms of our
agreement； and； by the bye； I believe I shall have occasion to try your
obedience this very evening。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I protest； sir； I don't comprehend your
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meaning。
HARDCASTLE。 Then to be plain with you； Kate； I expect the young
gentleman I have chosen to be your husband from town this very day。 I
have his father's letter； in which he informs me his son is set out； and that
he intends to follow himself shortly after。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Indeed！ I wish I had known something of
this before。 Bless me； how shall I behave？ It's a thousand to one I
shan't like him； our meeting will be so formal； and so like a thing of
business； that I shall find no room for friendship or esteem。
HARDCASTLE。 Depend upon it； child； I'll never control your
choice； but Mr。 Marlow； whom I have pitched upon； is the son of my old
friend； Sir Charles Marlow； of whom you have heard me talk so often。
The young gentleman has been bred a scholar； and is designed for an
employment in the service of his country。 I am told he's a man of an
excellent understanding。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 Is he？
HARDCASTLE。 Very generous。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I believe I shall like him。
HARDCASTLE。 Young and brave。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 I'm sure I shall like him。
HARDCASTLE。 And very handsome。
MISS HARDCASTLE。 My dear papa； say no more； （kissing h