symposium-第15章

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drunk；　I　would　have　sworn　as　well　as　spoken　to　the　influence　which　they　have　always　had　and　still　have　over　me。　For　my　heart　leaps　within　me　more　than　that　of　any　Corybantian　reveller；　and　my　eyes　rain　tears　when　I　hear　them。　And　I　observe　that　many　others　are　affected　in　the　same　manner。　I　have　heard　Pericles　and　other　great　orators；　and　I　thought　that　they　spoke　well；　but　I　never　had　any　similar　feeling；　my　soul　was　not　stirred　by　them；　nor　was　I　angry　at　the　thought　of　my　own　slavish　state。　But　this　Marsyas　has　often　brought　me　to　such　pass；　that　I　have　felt　as　if　I　could　hardly　endure　the　life　which　I　am　leading　（this；　Socrates；　you　will　admit）；　and　I　am　conscious　that　if　I　did　not　shut　my　ears　against　him；　and　fly　as　from　the　voice　of　the　siren；　my　fate　would　be　like　that　of　others；…he　would　transfix　me；　and　I　should　grow　old　sitting　at　his　feet。　For　he　makes　me　confess　that　I　ought　not　to　live　as　I　do；　neglecting　the　wants　of　my　own　soul；　and　busying　myself　with　the　concerns　of　the　Athenians；　therefore　I　hold　my　ears　and　tear　myself　away　from　him。　And　he　is　the　only　person　who　ever　made　me　ashamed；　which　you　might　think　not　to　be　in　my　nature；　and　there　is　no　one　else　who　does　the　same。　For　I　know　that　I　cannot　answer　him　or　say　that　I　ought　not　to　do　as　he　bids；　but　when　I　leave　his　presence　the　love　of　popularity　gets　the　better　of　me。　And　therefore　I　run　away　and　fly　from　him；　and　when　I　see　him　I　am　ashamed　of　what　I　have　confessed　to　him。　Many　a　time　have　I　wished　that　he　were　dead；　and　yet　I　know　that　I　should　be　much　more　sorry　than　glad；　if　he　were　to　die：　so　that　am　at　my　wit's　end。　　　And　this　is　what　I　and　many　others　have　suffered；　from　the　flute…playing　of　this　satyr。　Yet　hear　me　once　more　while　I　show　you　how　exact　the　image　is；　and。　how　marvellous　his　power。　For　let　me　tell　you；　none　of　you　know　him；　but　I　will　reveal　him　to　you；　having　begun；　I　must　go　on。　See　you　how　fond　he　is　of　the　fair？　He　is　always　with　them　and　is　always　being　smitten　by　them；　and　then　again　he　knows　nothing　and　is　ignorant　of　all　thing　such　is　the　appearance　which　he　puts　on。　Is　he　not　like　a　Silenus　in　this？　To　be　sure　he　is：　his　outer　mask　is　the　carved　head　of　the　Silenus；　but；　O　my　companions　in　drink；　when　he　is　opened；　what　temperance　there　is　residing　within！　Know　you　that　beauty　and　wealth　and　honour；　at　which　the　many　wonder；　are　of　no　account　with　him；　and　are　utterly　despised　by　him：　he　regards　not　at　all　the　persons　who　are　gifted　with　them；　mankind　are　nothing　to　him；　all　his　life　is　spent　in　mocking　and　flouting　at　them。　But　when　I　opened　him；　and　looked　within　at　his　serious　purpose；　I　saw　in　him　divine　and　golden　images　of　such　fascinating　beauty　that　I　was　ready　to　do　in　a　moment　whatever　Socrates　commanded：　they　may　have　escaped　the　observation　of　others；　but　I　saw　them。　Now　I　fancied　that　he　was　seriously　enamoured　of　my　beauty；　and　I　thought　that　I　should　therefore　have　a　grand　opportunity　of　hearing　him　tell　what　he　knew；　for　I　had　a　wonderful　opinion　of　the　attractions　of　my　youth。　In　the　prosecution　of　this　design；　when　I　next　went　to　him；　I　sent　away　the　attendant　who　usually　accompanied　me　（I　will　confess　the　whole　truth；　and　beg　you　to　listen；　and　if　I　speak　falsely；　do　you；　Socrates；　expose　the　falsehood）。　Well；　he　and　I　were　alone　together；　and　I　thought　that　when　there　was　nobody　with　us；　I　should　hear　him　speak　the　language　which　lovers　use　to　their　loves　when　they　are　by　themselves；　and　I　was　delighted。　Nothing　of　the　sort；　he　conversed　as　usual；　and　spent　the　day　with　me　and　then　went　away。　Afterwards　I　challenged　him　to　the　palaestra；　and　he　wrestled　and　closed　with　me；　several　times　when　there　was　no　one　present；　I　fancied　that　I　might　succeed　in　this　manner。　Not　a　bit；　I　made　no　way　with　him。　Lastly；　as　I　had　failed　hitherto；　I　thought　that　I　must　take　stronger　measures　and　attack　him　boldly；　and；　as　I　had　begun；　not　give　him　up；　but　see　how　matters　stood　between　him　and　me。　So　I　invited　him　to　sup　with　me；　just　as　if　he　were　a　fair　youth；　and　I　a　designing　lover。　He　was　not　easily　persuaded　to　come；　he　did；　however；　after　a　while　accept　the　invitation；　and　when　he　came　the　first　time；　he　wanted　to　go　away　at　once　as　soon　as　supper　was　over；　and　I　had　not　the　face　to　detain　him。　The　second　time；　still　in　pursuance　of　my　design；　after　we　had　supped；　I　went　on　conversing　far　into　the　night；　and　when　he　wanted　to　go　away；　I　pretended　that　the　hour　was　late　and　that　he　had　much　better　remain。　So　he　lay　down　on　the　couch　next　to　me；　the　same　on　which　he　had　supped；　and　there　was　no　one　but　ourselves　sleeping　in　the　apartment。　All　this　may　be　told　without　shame　to　any　one。　But　what　follows　I　could　hardly　tell　you　if　I　were　sober。　Yet　as　the　proverb　says；　〃In　vino　veritas；〃　whether　with　boys；　or　without　them；　and　therefore　I　must　speak。　Nor；　again；　should　I　be　justified　in　concealing　the　lofty　actions　of　Socrates　when　I　come　to　praise　him。　Moreover　I　have　felt　the　serpent's　sting；　and　he　who　has　suffered；　as　they　say；　is　willing　to　tell　his　fellow…sufferers　only；　as　they　alone　will　be　likely　to　understand　him；　and　will　not　be　extreme　in　judging　of　the　sayings　or　doings　which　have　been　wrung　from　his　agony。　For　I　have　been　bitten　by　a　more　than　viper's　tooth；　I　have　known　in　my　soul；　or　in　my　heart；　or　in　some　other　part；　that　worst　of　pangs；　more　violent　in　ingenuous　youth　than　any　serpent's　tooth；　the　pang　of　philosophy；　which　will　make　a　man　say　or　do　anything。　And　you　whom　I　see　around　me；　Phaedrus　and　Agathon　and　Eryximachus　and　Pausanias　and　Aristodemus　and　Aristophanes；　all　of　you；　and　I　need　not　say　Socrates　himself；　have　had　experience　of　the　same　madness　and　passion　in　your　longing　after　wisdom。　Therefore　listen　and　excuse　my　doings　then　and　my　sayings　now。　But　let　the　attendants　and　other　profane　and　unmannered　persons　close　up　the　doors　of　their　ears。　　　When　the　lamp　was　put　out　and　the　servants　had　gone　away；　I　thought　that　I　must　be　plain　with　him　and　have　no　more　ambiguity。　So　I　gave　him　a　shake；　and　I　said：　〃Socrates；　are　you　asleep？〃　〃No；〃　he　said。　〃Do　you　know　what　I　am　meditating？　〃What　are　you　meditating？〃　he　said。　〃I　think；〃　I　replied；　〃that　of　all　the　lovers　whom　I　have　ever　had　you　are　the　only　one　who　is　worthy　of　me；　and　you　appear　to　be　too　modest　to　speak。　Now　I　feel　that　I　should　be　a　fool　to　refuse　you　this　or　any　other　favour；　and　therefore　I　come　to　lay　at　your　feet　all　that　I　have　and　all　that　my　friends　have；　in　the　hope　that　you　will　assist　me　in　the　way　of　virtue；　which　I　desire　above　all　things；　and　in　which　I　believe　that　you　can　help　me　better　than　any　one　else。　And　I　should　certainly　have　more　reason　to　be　ashamed　of　what　wise　men　would　say　if　I　were　to　refuse　a　favour　to　such　as　you；　than　of　what　the　world　who　are　mostly　fools；　would　say　of　me　if　I　granted　it。〃　To　these　words　he　replied　in　the　ironical　manner　which　is　so　characteristic　of　him：　〃Alcibiades；　my　friend；　you　have　indeed　an　elevated　aim　if　what　you　say　is　true；　and　if　there　really　is　in　me　any　power　by　which　you　may　become　better；　truly　you　must　see　in　me　some　rare　beauty　of　a　kind　infinitely　higher　than　any　which　I　see　in　you。　And　therefore；　if　you　mean　to　share　with　me　and　to　exchange　beauty　for　beauty；　yo