the miscellaneous writings and speeches-3-第7章

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；　and　some　months　elapsed　before　he　had　the　fortitude　to　part　with　this　darling　sin。　　When　this　last　sacrifice　had　been　made；　he　was；　even　when　tried　by　the　maxims　of　that　austere　time；　faultless。　　All　Elstow　talked　of　him　as　an　eminently　pious　youth。　　But　his　own　mind　was　more　unquiet　than　ever。　　Having　nothing　more　to　do　in　the　way　of　visible　reformation；　yet　finding　in　religion　no　pleasures　to　supply　the　place　of　the　juvenile　amusements　which　he　had　relinquished；　he　began　to　apprehend　that　he　lay　under　some　special　malediction；　and　he　was　tormented　by　a　succession　of　fantasies　which　seemed　likely　to　drive　him　to　suicide　or　to　Bedlam。　At　one　time　he　took　it　into　his　head　that　all　persons　of　Israelite　blood　would　be　saved；　and　tried　to　make　out　that　he　partook　of　that　blood；　but　his　hopes　were　speedily　destroyed　by　his　father；　who　seems　to　have　had　no　ambition　to　be　regarded　as　a　Jew。　At　another　time　Bunyan　was　disturbed　by　a　strange　dilemma：　　〃If　I　have　not　faith；　I　am　lost；　if　I　have　faith；　I　can　work　miracles。〃　　He　was　tempted　to　cry　to　the　puddles　between　Elstow　and　Bedford；　〃Be　ye　dry；〃　and　to　stake　his　eternal　hopes　on　the　event。　Then　he　took　up　a　notion　that　the　day　of　grace　for　Bedford　and　the　neighbouring　villages　was　past：　　that　all　who　were　to　be　saved　in　that　part　of　England　were　already　converted；　and　that　he　had　begun　to　pray　and　strive　some　months　too　late。　Then　he　was　harassed　by　doubts　whether　the　Turks　were　not　in　the　right；　and　the　Christians　in　the　wrong。　　Then　he　was　troubled　by　a　maniacal　impulse　which　prompted　him　to　pray　to　the　trees；　to　a　broom…stick；　to　the　parish　bull。　　As　yet；　however；　he　was　only　entering　the　Valley　of　the　Shadow　of　Death。　　Soon　the　darkness　grew　thicker。　　Hideous　forms　floated　before　him。　　Sounds　of　cursing　and　wailing　were　in　his　ears。　　His　way　ran　through　stench　and　fire；　close　to　the　mouth　of　the　bottomless　pit。　　He　began　to　be　haunted　by　a　strange　curiosity　about　the　unpardonable　sin；　and　by　a　morbid　longing　to　commit　it。　　But　the　most　frightful　of　all　the　forms　which　his　disease　took　was　a　propensity　to　utter　blasphemy；　and　especially　to　renounce　his　share　in　the　benefits　of　the　redemption。　　Night　and　day；　in　bed；　at　table；　at　work；　evil　spirits；　as　he　imagined；　were　repeating　close　to　his　ear　the　words；　〃Sell　him；　sell　him。〃　　He　struck　at　the　hobgoblins；　he　pushed　them　from　him；　but　still　they　were　ever　at　his　side。　　He　cried　out　in　answer　to　them；　hour　after　hour：　　〃Never；　never；　not　for　thousands　of　worlds；　not　for　thousands。〃　　At　length；　worn　out　by　this　long　agony；　he　suffered　the　fatal　words　to　escape　him；　〃Let　him　go；　if　he　will。〃　　Then　his　misery　became　more　fearful　than　ever。　　He　had　done　what　could　not　be　forgiven。　　He　had　forfeited　his　part　of　the　great　sacrifice。　　Like　Esau；　he　had　sold　his　birthright；　and　there　was　no　longer　any　place　for　repentance。　　〃None；〃　he　afterwards　wrote；　〃knows　the　terrors　of　those　days　but　myself。〃　　He　has　described　his　sufferings　with　singular　energy；　simplicity；　and　pathos。　　He　envied　the　brutes；　he　envied　the　very　stones　in　the　street；　and　the　tiles　on　the　houses。　　The　sun　seemed　to　withhold　its　light　and　warmth　from　him。　　His　body；　though　cast　in　a　sturdy　mould；　and　though　still　in　the　highest　vigour　of　youth；　trembled　whole　days　together　with　the　fear　of　death　and　judgment。　　He　fancied　that　this　trembling　was　the　sign　set　on　the　worst　reprobates；　the　sign　which　God　had　put　on　Cain。　　The　unhappy　man's　emotion　destroyed　his　power　of　digestion。　　He　had　such　pains　that　he　expected　to　burst　asunder　like　Judas；　whom　he　regarded　as　his　prototype。　Neither　the　books　which　Bunyan　read；　nor　the　advisers　whom　he　consulted；　were　likely　to　do　much　good　in　a　case　like　his。　　His　small　library　had　received　a　most　unseasonable　addition；　the　account　of　the　lamentable　end　of　Francis　Spira。　　One　ancient　man　of　high　repute　for　piety；　whom　the　sufferer　consulted；　gave　an　opinion　which　might　well　have　produced　fatal　consequences。　　〃I　am　afraid；〃　said　Bunyan；　〃that　I　have　committed　the　sin　against　the　Holy　Ghost。〃　　〃Indeed；〃　said　the　old　fanatic；　〃I　am　afraid　that　you　have。〃　At　length　the　clouds　broke；　the　light　became　clearer　and　clearer；　and　the　enthusiast；　who　had　imagined　that　he　was　branded　with　the　mark　of　the　first　murderer；　and　destined　to　the　end　of　the　arch　traitor；　enjoyed　peace　and　a　cheerful　confidence　in　the　mercy　of　God。　　Years　elapsed；　however；　before　his　nerves；　which　had　been　so　perilously　overstrained；　recovered　their　tone。　　When　he　had　joined　a　Baptist　society　at　Bedford；　and　was　for　the　first　time　admitted　to　partake　of　the　Eucharist；　it　was　with　difficulty　that　he　could　refrain　from　imprecating　destruction　on　his　brethren　while　the　cup　was　passing　from　hand　to　hand。　　After　he　had　been　some　time　a　member　of　the　congregation；　he　began　to　preach；　and　his　sermons　produced　a　powerful　effect。　　He　was　indeed　illiterate；　but　he　spoke　to　illiterate　men。　　The　severe　training　through　which　he　had　passed　had　given　him　such　an　experimental　knowledge　of　all　the　modes　of　religious　melancholy　as　he　could　never　have　gathered　from　books；　and　his　vigorous　genius；　animated　by　a　fervent　spirit　of　devotion；　enabled　him；　not　only　to　exercise　a　great　influence　over　the　vulgar；　but　even　to　extort　the　half　contemptuous　admiration　of　scholars。　　Yet　it　was　long　before　he　ceased　to　be　tormented　by　an　impulse　which　urged　him　to　utter　words　of　horrible　impiety　in　the　pulpit。　Counter…irritants　are　of　as　great　use　in　moral　as　in　physical　diseases。　　It　should　seem　that　Bunyan　was　finally　relieved　from　the　internal　sufferings　which　had　embittered　his　life　by　sharp　persecution　from　without。　　He　had　been　five　years　a　preacher；　when　the　Restoration　put　it　in　the　power　of　the　Cavalier　gentlemen　and　clergymen　all　over　the　country　to　oppress　the　Dissenters；　and　of　all　the　Dissenters　whose　history　is　known　to　us；　he　was　perhaps　the　most　hardly　treated。　　In　November　1660；　he　was　flung　into　Bedford　gaol；　and　there　he　remained；　with　some　intervals　of　partial　and　precarious　liberty；　during　twelve　years。　　His　persecutors　tried　to　extort　from　him　a　promise　that　he　would　abstain　from　preaching；　but　he　was　convinced　that　he　was　divinely　set　apart　and　commissioned　to　be　a　teacher　of　righteousness；　and　he　was　fully　determined　to　obey　God　rather　than　man。　　He　was　brought　before　several　tribunals；　laughed　at；　caressed；　reviled；　menaced；　but　in　vain。　　He　was　facetiously　told　that　he　was　quite　right　in　thinking　that　he　ought　not　to　hide　his　gift；　but　that　his　real　gift　was　skill　in　repairing　old　kettles。　　He　was　compared　to　Alexander　the　coppersmith。　　He　was　told　that；　if　he　would　give　up　preaching；　he　should　be　instantly　liberated。　　He　was　warned　that；　if　he　persisted　in　disobeying　the　law；　he　would　be　liable　to　banishment；　and　that；　if　he　were　found　in　England　after　a　certain　time　his　neck　would　be　stretched。　　His　answer　was；　〃If　you　let　me　out　to…day；　I　will　preach　again　to…morrow。〃　　Year　after　year　he　lay　patiently　in　a　dungeon；　compared　with　which　the　worse　prison　now　to　be　found　in　the　island　is　a　palace。　　His　fortitude　is　the　more　extraordinary；　because　his　domestic　feelings　were　unusually　strong。　　Indeed；　he　was　considered　by　his　stern　brethren　as　somewhat　too　fond　and　indulgent　a　par