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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
This idea bred in me a temporary consternation。 To imitate the voice
of the dead； to counterfeit a commission from heaven； bore the aspect of
presumption and impiety。 It seemed an offence which could not fail to
draw after it the vengeance of the deity。 My wishes for a time yielded to
my fears； but this scheme in proportion as I meditated on it； became more
plausible； no other occurred to me so easy and so efficacious。 I
endeavoured to persuade myself that the end proposed； was； in the highest
degree praiseworthy； and that the excellence of my purpose would justify
the means employed to attain it。
My resolutions were； for a time； attended with fluctuations and
misgivings。 These gradually disappeared； and my purpose became firm；
I was next to devise the means of effecting my views； this did not demand
any tedious deliberation。 It was easy to gain access to my father's
chamber without notice or detection； cautious footsteps and the
suppression of breath would place me； unsuspected and unthought of； by
his bed side。 The words I should use； and the mode of utterance were not
easily settled； but having at length selected these； I made myself by much
previous repetition； perfectly familiar with the use of them。
I selected a blustering and inclement night； in which the darkness was
augmented by a veil of the blackest clouds。 The building we inhabited
was slight in its structure； and full of crevices through which the gale
found easy way； and whistled in a thousand cadences。 On this night the
elemental music was remarkably sonorous； and was mingled not
unfrequently with ~~thunder heard remote~~。
I could not divest myself of secret dread。 My heart faultered with a
consciousness of wrong。 Heaven seemed to be present and to disapprove
my work； I listened to the thunder and the wind； as to the stern voice of
this disapprobation。 Big drops stood on my forehead； and my tremors
almost incapacitated me from proceeding。
These impediments however I surmounted； I crept up stairs at
midnight； and entered my father's chamber。 The darkness was intense
and I sought with outstretched hands for his bed。 The darkness； added to
the trepidation of my thoughts； disabled me from making a right estimate
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
of distances： I was conscious of this； and when I advanced within the
room； paused。
I endeavoured to compare the progress I had made with my knowledge
of the room； and governed by the result of this comparison； proceeded
cautiously and with hands still outstretched in search of the foot of the bed。
At this moment lightning flashed into the room： the brightness of the
gleam was dazzling； yet it afforded me an exact knowledge of my
situation。 I had mistaken my way； and discovered that my knees nearly
touched the bedstead； and that my hands at the next step； would have
touched my father's cheek。 His closed eyes and every line in his
countenance； were painted； as it were； for an instant on my sight。
The flash was accompanied with a burst of thunder； whose vehemence
was stunning。 I always entertained a dread of thunder； and now recoiled；
overborne with terror。 Never had I witnessed so luminous a gleam and so
tremendous a shock； yet my father's slumber appeared not to be disturbed
by it。
I stood irresolute and trembling； to prosecute my purpose in this state
of mind was impossible。 I resolved for the present to relinquish it； and
turned with a view of exploring my way out of the chamber。 Just then a
light seen through the window； caught my eye。 It was at first weak but
speedily increased； no second thought was necessary to inform me that the
barn； situated at a small distance from the house； and newly stored with
hay； was in flames； in consequence of being struck by the lightning。
My terror at this spectacle made me careless of all consequences
relative to myself。 I rushed to the bed and throwing myself on my father；
awakened him by loud cries。 The family were speedily roused； and were
compelled to remain impotent spectators of the devastation。 Fortunately
the wind blew in a contrary direction； so that our habitation was not
injured。
The impression that was made upon me by the incidents of that night
is indelible。 The wind gradually rose into an hurricane； the largest
branches were torn from the trees； and whirled aloft into the air； others
were uprooted and laid prostrate on the ground。 The barn was a spacious
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MEMOIRS OF CARWIN THE BILOQUIST ＇A fragment＇
edifice； consisting wholly of wood； and filled with a plenteous harvest。
Thus supplied with fuel； and fanned by the wind； the fire raged with
incredible fury； meanwhile clouds rolled above； whose blackness was
rendered more conspicuous by reflection from the flames； the vast
volumes of smoke were dissipated in a moment by the storm； while
glowing fragments and cinders were borne to an immense hight； and
tossed everywhere in wild confusion。 Ever and anon the sable canopy
that hung around us was streaked with lightning； and the peals； by which it
was accompanied； were deafning； and with scarcely any intermission。
It was； doubtless； absurd to imagine any connexion between this
portentous scene and the purpose that I had meditated； yet a belief of this
connexion； though wavering and obscure； lurked in my mind； something
more than a coincidence merely casual； appeared to have subsisted
between my situation； at my father's bed side； and the flash that darted
through the window； and diverted me from my design。 It palsied my
courage； and strengthened my conviction； that my scheme was criminal。
After some time had elapsed； and tranquility was； in some deg