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came out again and went away。 She told me also； that he had made
general enquiries after me； to which she had answered； that she had not
seen me during the day； and supposed that I had spent the whole of it
abroad。 From this account it was plain； that Ludlow had returned for no
other purpose but to remove this book out of my reach。 But if he had a
double key to this door； what should hinder his having access； by the same
means； to every other locked up place in the house？
This suggestion made me start with terror。 Of so obvious a means for
possessing a knowledge of every thing under his roof； I had never been till
this moment aware。 Such is the infatuation which lays our most secret
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thoughts open to the world's scrutiny。 We are frequently in most danger
when we deem ourselves most safe； and our fortress is taken sometimes
through a point； whose weakness nothing； it should seem； but the blindest
stupidity could overlook。
My terrors； indeed； quickly subsided when I came to recollect that
there was nothing in any closet or cabinet of mine which could possibly
throw light upon subjects which I desired to keep in the dark。 The more
carefully I inspected my own drawers； and the more I reflected on the
character of Ludlow； as I had known it； the less reason did there appear in
my suspicions； but I drew a lesson of caution from this circumstance；
which contributed to my future safety。
From this incident I could not but infer Ludlow's unwillingness to let
me so far into his geographical secret； as well as the certainty of that
suspicion； which had very early been suggested to my thoughts； that
Ludlow's plans of civilization had been carried into practice in some
unvisited corner of the world。 It was strange； however； that he should
betray himself by such an inadvertency。 One who talked so confidently
of his own powers； to unveil any secret of mine； and； at the same time； to
conceal his own transactions； had surely committed an unpardonable error
in leaving this important document in my way。 My reverence； indeed；
for Ludlow was such； that I sometimes entertained the notion that this
seeming oversight was； in truth； a regular contrivance to supply me with a
knowledge； of which； when I came maturely to reflect； it was impossible
for me to make any ill use。 There is no use in relating what would not be
believed； and should I publish to the world the existence of islands in the
space allotted by Ludlow's maps to these ~incognitae~； what would the
world answer？ That whether the space described was sea or land was of no
importance。 That the moral and political condition of its inhabitants was
the only topic worthy of rational curiosity。 Since I had gained no
information upon this point； since I had nothing to disclose but vain and
fantastic surmises； I might as well be ignorant of every thing。 Thus； from
secretly condemning Ludlow's imprudence； I gradually passed to
admiration of his policy。 This discovery had no other effect than to
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stimulate my curiosity； to keep up my zeal to prosecute the journey I had
commenced under his auspices。
I had hitherto formed a resolution to stop where I was in Ludlow's
confidence： to wait till the success should be ascertained of my projects
with respect to Mrs。 Benington； before I made any new advance in the
perilous and mysterious road into which he had led my steps。 But； before
this tedious fortnight had elapsed； I was grown extremely impatient for an
interview； and had nearly resolved to undertake whatever obligation he
should lay upon me。
This obligation was indeed a heavy one； since it included the
confession of my vocal powers。 In itself the confession was little。 To
possess this faculty was neither laudable nor culpable； nor had it been
exercised in a way which I should be very much ashamed to acknowledge。
It had led me into many insincerities and artifices； which； though not
justifiable by any creed； was entitled to some excuse； on the score of
youthful ardour and temerity。 The true difficulty in the way of these
confessions was the not having made them already。 Ludlow had long
been entitled to this confidence； and； though the existence of this power
was venial or wholly innocent； the obstinate concealment of it was a
different matter； and would certainly expose me to suspicion and rebuke。
But what was the alternative？ To conceal it。 To incur those dreadful
punishments awarded against treason in this particular。 Ludlow's
menaces still rung in my ears； and appalled my heart。 How should I be
able to shun them？ By concealing from every one what I concealed from
him？ How was my concealment of such a faculty to be suspected or
proved？ Unless I betrayed myself； who could betray me？
In this state of mind； I resolved to confess myself to Ludlow in the
way that he required； reserving only the secret of this faculty。 Awful；
indeed； said I； is the crisis of my fate。 If Ludlow's declarations are true； a
horrid catastrophe awaits me： but as fast as my resolutions were shaken；
they were confirmed anew by the recollectionWho can betray me but
myself？ If I deny； who is there can prove？ Suspicion can never light
upon the truth。 If it does； it can never be converted into certainty。 Even
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my own lips cannot confirm it； since who will believe my testimony？
By such illusions was I fortified in my desperate resolution。 Ludlow
returned at the time appointed。 He informed me that Mr