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your husband is to be beheaded in a month is； in its way； a
drawback。 It does seem to take the top off it； you know。
PITTI。 I don't know about that。 It all depends！
PEEP。 At all events； he will find it a drawback。
PITTI。 Not necessarily。 Bless you； it all depends！
YUM。 （in tears）。 I think it very indelicate of you to
refer to such a subject on such a day。 If my married happiness
is to beto be
PEEP。 Cut short。
YUM。 Well； cut shortin a month； can't you let me forget
it？ （Weeping。）
Enter Nanki…Poo； followed by Go…To。
NANK。 Yum…Yum in tearsand on her wedding morn！
YUM。 （sobbing）。 They've been reminding me that in a month
you're to be beheaded！ （Bursts into tears。）
PITTI。 Yes； we've been reminding her that you're to be
beheaded。 （Bursts into tears。）
PEEP。 It's quite true； you know； you are to be beheaded！
（Bursts into tears。）
NANK。 （aside）。 Humph！ Now； some bridegrooms would be
depressed by this sort of thing！ （Aloud。） A month？ Well；
what's a month？ Bah！ These divisions of time are purely
arbitrary。 Who says twenty…four hours make a day？
PITTI。 There's a popular impression to that effect。
NANK。 Then we'll efface it。 We'll call each second a
minuteeach minute an houreach hour a dayand each day a
year。 At that rate we've about thirty years of married happiness
before us！
PEEP。 And； at that rate； this interview has already lasted
four hours and three…quarters！
＇Exit
Peep…Bo。
YUM。 （still sobbing）。 Yes。 How time flies when one is
thoroughly enjoying oneself！
NANK。 That's the way to look at it！ Don't let's be
downhearted！ There's a silver lining to every cloud。
YUM。 Certainly。 Let'slet's be perfectly happy！ （Almost
in tears。）
GO…TO。 By all means。 Let'slet's thoroughly enjoy
ourselves。
PITTI。 It'sit's absurd to cry！ （Trying to force a
laugh。）
YUM。 Quite ridiculous！ （Trying to laugh。）
（All break into a forced and melancholy laugh。）
MADRIGAL。
YUM…YUM； PITTI…SING； NANKI…POO； and PISH…TUSH
Brightly dawns our wedding day；
Joyous hour； we give thee greeting！
Whither； whither art thou fleeting？
Fickle moment； prithee stay！
What though mortal joys be hollow？
Pleasures come； if sorrows follow：
Though the tocsin sound； ere long；
Ding dong！ Ding dong！
Yet until the shadows fall
Over one and over all；
Sing a merry madrigal
A madrigal！
Fal…lafal…la！ etc。 （Ending in tears。）
Let us dry the ready tear；
Though the hours are surely creeping
Little need for woeful weeping；
Till the sad sundown is near。
All must sip the cup of sorrow
I to…day and thou to…morrow；
This the close of every song
Ding dong！ Ding dong！
What； though solemn shadows fall；
Sooner； later； over all？
Sing a merry madrigal
A madrigal！
Fal…lafal…la！ etc。 （Ending in tears。）
＇Exeunt Pitti…Sing and
Pish…Tush。
（Nanki…Poo embraces Yum…Yum。 Enter Ko…Ko。 Nanki…Poo releases
Yum…Yum。）
KO。 Go ondon't mind me。
NANK。 I'm afraid we're distressing you。
KO。 Never mind； I must get used to it。 Only please do it
by degrees。 Begin by putting your arm round her waist。
（Nanki…Poo does so。） There； let me get used to that first。
YUM。 Oh； wouldn't you like to retire？ It must pain you to
see us so affectionate together！
KO。 No； I must learn to bear it！ Now oblige me by allowing
her head to rest on your shoulder。
NANK。 Like that？ （He does so。 Ko…Ko much affected。）
KO。 I am much obliged to you。 Nowkiss her！ （He does so。
Ko…Ko writhes with anguish。） Thank youit's simple torture！
YUM。 Come； come； bear up。 After all； it's only for a
month。
KO。 No。 It's no use deluding oneself with false hopes。
NANK。 and YUM。 What do you mean？
KO。 （to Yum…Yum）。 My childmy poor child！ （Aside。） How
shall I break it to her？ （Aloud。） My little bride that was to
have been？
YUM。 （delighted）。 Was to have been？
KO。 Yes； you never can be mine！
NANK。 and YUM。 （simultaneously； in ecstacy） What！/I'm so
glad！
KO。 I've just ascertained that； by the Mikado's law； when a
married man is beheaded his wife is buried alive。
NANK。 and YUM。 Buried alive！
KO。 Buried alive。 It's a most unpleasant death。
NANK。 But whom did you get that from？
KO。 Oh； from Pooh…Bah。 He's my Solicitor。
YUM。 But he may be mistaken！
KO。 So I thought； so I consulted the Attorney General； the
Lord Chief Justice； the Master of the Rolls； the Judge Ordinary；
and the Lord Chancellor。 They're all of the same opinion。 Never
knew such unanimity on a point of law in my life！
NANK。 But stop a bit！ This law has never been put in
force。
KO。 Not yet。 You see； flirting is the only crime
punishable with decapitation； and married men never flirt。
NANK。 Of course； they don't。 I quite forgot that！ Well； I
suppose I may take it that my dream of happiness is at an end！
YUM。 DarlingI don't want to appear selfish； and I love
you with all my heartI don't suppose I shall ever love anybody
else half as muchbut when I agreed to marry youmy ownI had
no ideapetthat I should have to be buried alive in a month！
NANK。 Nor I！ It's the very first I've heard of it！
YUM。 Itit makes a difference； doesn't it？
NANK。 It does make a difference； of course。
YUM。 You seeburial aliveit's such a stuffy death！
NANK。 I call it a beast of a death。
YUM。 You see my difficulty； don't you？
NANK。 Yes； and I see my own。 If I insist on your carrying
out your promise； I doom you to a hideous death； if I release
you； you marry Ko…Ko at once！
TRIO。YUM…YUM； NANKI…POO； and KO…KO。
YUM。 Here's a how…de…do！
If I marry you；
When your time has come to perish；
Then the maiden whom you cherish
Must be slaughtered； too！
Here's a how…de…do！
NANK。 Here's a pretty mess！
In a month； or less；
I must die without a wedding！
Let the bitter tears I'm shedding
Witness my distress；
Here's a pretty mess！
KO。 Here's a state of things
To her life she clings！
Matrimonial devotion