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PRINCESS。 To account for their shortcomings manifest
We explain； in a whisper bated；
They are wealthy members of the brewing interest
To the Peerage elevated。
NOBLES。 To the Peerage elevated。
ALL。 They're/We're very； very rich；
And accordingly； as sich；
To the Peerage elevated。
PRINCE。 Well； my dear； here we are at lastjust in time
to
compel Duke Rudolph to fulfil the terms of his marriage contract。
Another hour and we should have been too late。
PRINCESS。 Yes； papa； and if you hadn't fortunately
discovered a means of making an income by honest industry； we
should never have got here at all。
PRINCE。 Very true。 Confined for the last two years within
the precincts of my palace by an obdurate bootmaker who held a
warrant for my arrest； I devoted my enforced leisure to a study
of the doctrine of chancesmainly with the view of ascertaining
whether there was the remotest chance of my ever going out for a
walk againand this led to the discovery of a singularly
fascinating little round game which I have called Roulette； and
by which； in one sitting； I won no less than five thousand
francs！ My first act was to pay my bootmakermy second； to
engage a good useful working set of second…hand noblesand my
third； to hurry you off to Pfennig Halbpfennig as fast as a train
de luxe could carry us！
PRINCESS。 Yes； and a pretty job…lot of second…hand nobles
you've scraped together！
PRINCE （doubtfully）。 Pretty； you think？ Humph！ I don't
know。 I should say tol…lol； my loveonly tol…lol。 They are not
wholly satisfactory。 There is a certain air of unreality about
themthey are not convincing。
COST。 But； my goot friend； vhat can you expect for
eighteenpence a day！
PRINCE。 Now take this Peer； for instance。 What the deuce
do you call him？
COST。 Him？ Oh； he's a swellhe's the Duke of Riviera。
PRINCE。 Oh； he's a Duke； is he？ Well； that's no reason
why
he should look so confoundedly haughty。 （To Noble。） Be affable；
sir！ （Noble takes attitude of affability。） That's better。
（Passing to another。） Now； who's this with his moustache coming
off？
COST。 Vhy； you're Viscount Mentone； ain't you？
NOBLE。 Blest if I know。 （Turning up sword…belt。） It's
wrote hereyes； Viscount Mentone。
COST。 Then vhy don't you say so？ 'Old yerself upyou
ain't carryin' sandwich boards now。 （Adjusts his moustache。）
PRINCE。 Now； once for all； you Peerswhen His Highness
arrives； don't stand like sticks； but appear to take an
intelligent and sympathetic interest in what is going on。 You
needn't say anything； but let your gestures be in accordance with
the spirit of the conversation。 Now take the word from me。
Affability！ （attitude）。 Submission！ （attitude）。 Surprise！
（attitude）。 Shame！ （attitude）。 Grief！ （attitude）。 Joy！
（attitude）。 That's better！ You can do it if you like！
PRINCESS。 But； papa； where in the world is the Court？
There is positively no one here to receive us！ I can't help
feeling that Rudolph wants to get out of it because I'm poor。
He's a miserly little wretchthat's what he is。
PRINCE。 Well； I shouldn't go so far as to say that。 I
should rather describe him as an enthusiastic collector of
coinsof the realmand we must not be too hard upon a
numismatist if he feels a certain disinclination to part with
some of his really very valuable specimens。 It's a pretty hobby：
I've often thought I should like to collect some coins myself。
PRINCESS。 Papa； I'm sure there's some one behind that
curtain。 I saw it move！
PRINCE。 Then no doubt they are coming。 Now mind； you
Peershaughty affability combined with a sense of what is due to
your exalted ranks； or I'll fine you half a franc eachupon my
soul I will！
（Gong。 The curtains fly back and the Court are discovered。 They
give a wild yell and rush on to the stage dancing wildly；
with PRINCE； PRINCESS； and Nobles； who are taken by
surprise
at first； but eventually join in a reckless dance。 At the
end all fall down exhausted。）
LUD。 There； what do you think of that？ That's our
official
ceremonial for the reception of visitors of the very highest
distinction。
PRINCE （puzzled）。 It's very quaintvery curious indeed。
Prettily footed； too。 Prettily footed。
LUD。 Would you like to see how we say 〃good…bye〃 to
visitors of distinction？ That ceremony is also performed with
the foot。
PRINCE。 Really； this toneah； but perhaps you have not
completely grasped the situation？
LUD。 Not altogether。
PRINCE。 Ah； then I'll give you a lead over。
（Significantly：） I am the father of the Princess of Monte Carlo。
Doesn't that convey any idea to the Grand Ducal mind？
LUD。 （stolidly）。 Nothing definite。
PRINCE （aside）。 H'mvery odd！ Never mindtry again！
（Aloud。） This is the daughter of the Prince of Monte Carlo。 Do
you take？
LUD。 （still puzzled）。 Nonot yet。 Go ondon't give it
upI dare say it will come presently。
PRINCE。 Very oddnever mindtry again。 （With sly
significance。） Twenty years ago！ Little doddle doddle！ Two
little doddle doddles！ Happy fatherhers and yours。 Proud
motheryours and hers！ Hah！ Now you take？ I see you do！ I
see you do！
LUD。 Nothing is more annoying than to feel that you're not
equal to the intellectual pressure of the conversation。 I wish
he'd say something intelligible。
PRINCE。 You didn't expect me？
LUD。 （jumping at it）。 No； no。 I grasp thatthank you
very
much。 （Shaking hands with him。） No； I did not expect you！
PRINCE。 I thought not。 But ha！ ha！ at last I have escaped
from my enforced restraint。 （General movement of alarm。） （To
crowd who are stealing off。） No； noyou misunderstand me。 I
mean I've paid my debts！
ALL。 Oh！ （They return。）
PRINCESS （affectionately）。 But； my darling； I'm afraid
that
even now you don't quite realize who I am！ （Embracing him。）
BARONESS。 Why； you forward little hussy； how dare you？
（Takes her away from LUDWIG。）
LUD。 You mustn't do that； my dearnever in the presence
of
the Grand Duchess； I beg！
PRINCESS （weeping）。 Oh； papa； he's got a Grand Duchess！
LUD。 A Grand Duchess！ My good girl； I've got three Grand
Duchesses！
PRINCESS。 Well； I'm sure！ Papa； let's go awaythis is
not
a respectable Court。
PRINCE。 All these Grand Dukes have their little fancies；
my
love。 This potentate appears to be collecting wives。 It's a
pretty hobbyI should like to collect a few myself。 This
（admiring BARONESS） is a charming specimenan antique； I should
sayof the early Merovingian period； if I'm not mistaken； and
here's anothera Scotch lady； I think （alluding to JULIA）； and
（al