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Twenty years hence we shall be
Twenty love…sick maidens still！
Ah； miserie！
＇PATIENCE watches them in surprise； and； with a gesture of
complete bafflement； climbs the rock and goes off the way
she entered。＇
＇The officers of the DRAGOON GUARDS enter； R。； led by the MAJOR。
They form their line across the front of the stage。＇
No。 3。 The soldiers of our Queen
（Chorus and Solo）
Dragoons and Colonel
DRAGOONS The soldiers of our Queen
Are linked in friendly tether；
Upon the battle scene
They fight the foe together。
There ev'ry mother's son
Prepared to fight and fall is；
The enemy of one
The enemy of all is！
The enemy of one
The enemy of all is！
＇On an order from the MAJOR they fall back。＇
＇Enter the COLONEL。 All salute。＇
COLONEL If you want a receipt for that popular mystery；
＇C。＇ Known to the world as a Heavy Dragoon；
DRAGOONS ＇saluting＇ Yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes！
COLONEL Take all the remarkable people in history；
Rattle them off to a popular tune。
DRAGOONS Yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes！
COLONEL The pluck of Lord Nelson on board of the Victory
Genius of Bismarck devising a plan
The humour of Fielding （which sounds contradictory）
Coolness of Paget about to trepan
The science of Jullien； the eminent musico
Wit of Macaulay； who wrote of Queen Anne
The pathos of Paddy； as rendered by Boucicault
Style of the Bishop of Sodor and Man
The dash of a D'Orsay； divested of quackery
Narrative powers of Dickens and Thackeray
Victor Emmanuel peak…haunting Peveril
Thomas Aquinas； and Doctor Sacheverell
Tupper and Tennyson Daniel Defoe
Anthony Trollope and Mister Guizot！ Ah！
DRAGOONS Yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes！
COLONEL DRAGOONS
Take of these elements all A Heavy Dragoon；
that is fusible a Heavy Dragoon；
Melt them all down in a A Heavy Dragoon；
pipkin or crucible a Heavy Dragoon；
Set them to simmer； A Heavy Dragoon；
and take off the scum； a Heavy Dragoon；
And a Heavy Dragoon Is the residuum！
is the residuum！
COLONEL If you want a receipt for this soldier…like paragon；
Get at the wealth of the Czar （if you can）
The family pride of a Spaniard from Aragon
Force of Mephisto pronouncing a ban
A smack of Lord Waterford； reckless and rollicky
Swagger of Roderick； heading his clan
The keen penetration of Paddington Pollaky
Grace of an Odalisque on a divan
The genius strategic of Caesar or Hannibal
Skill of Sir Garnet in thrashing a cannibal
Flavour of Hamlet the Stranger； a touch of him
Little of Manfred （but not very much of him）
Beadle of Burlington Richardson's show
Mister Micawber and Madame Tussaud！ Ah！
DRAGOONS Yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes； yes！
COLONEL DRAGOONS
Take of these elements all A Heavy Dragoon；
that is fusible a Heavy Dragoon；
Melt them all down in a A Heavy Dragoon；
pipkin or crucible a Heavy Dragoon；
Set them to simmer； A Heavy Dragoon；
and take off the scum； a Heavy Dragoon；
And a Heavy Dragoon Is the residuum！
is the residuum！
COLONEL Well； here we are once more on the scene of our former
triumphs。 But where's the Duke？
＇Enter DUKE； listlessly； and in low spirits。＇
DUKE Here I am！ ＇Sighs。＇
COLONEL Come； cheer up； don't give way！
DUKE Oh； for that； I'm as cheerful as a poor devil can be
expected to be who has the misfortune to be a Duke； with a
thousand a day！
MAJOR Humph！ Most men would envy you！
DUKE Envy me？ Tell me； Major； are you fond of toffee？
MAJOR Very！
COLONEL We are all fond of toffee。
ALL We are！
DUKE Yes； and toffee in moderation is a capital thing。 But to
live on toffee toffee for breakfast； toffee for dinner； toffee
for tea to have it supposed that you care for nothing but
toffee； and that you would consider yourself insulted if anything
but toffee were offered to you how would you like that？
COLONEL I can quite believe that； under those circumstances；
even toffee would become monotonous。
DUKE For 〃toffee〃 read flattery； adulation； and abject
deference； carried to such a pitch that I began； at last； to
think that man was born bent at an angle of forty…five degrees！
Great heavens； what is there to adulate in me？ Am I particularly
intelligent； or remarkably studious； or excruciatingly witty； or
unusually accomplished； or exceptionally virtuous？
COLONEL You're about as commonplace a young man as ever I saw。
ALL You are！
DUKE Exactly！ That's it exactly！ That describes me to a T！
Thank you all very much！ ＇Shakes hands with the Colonel＇ Well；
I couldn't stand it any longer； so I joined this second…class
cavalry regiment。 In the army； thought I； I shall be
occasionally snubbed； perhaps even bullied； who knows？ The
thought was rapture； and here I am。
COLONEL ＇looking off＇ Yes； and here are the ladies！
DUKE But who is the gentleman with the long hair？
COLONEL I don't know。
DUKE He seems popular！
COLONEL He does seem popular！
＇The DRAGOONS back up R。； watching the entrance of the Ladies。
BUNTHORNE enters； L。U。E。； followed by the Ladies； two and
two； playing on harps as before。 He is composing a poem；
and is quite absorbed。 He sees no one； but walks across the
stage； followed by the Ladies； who take no notice of the
DRAGOONS to the surprise and indignation of those
officers。＇
＇Bunthorne； the Ladies following； comes slowly down L。 and then
crosses the stage to R。＇
No。 4。 In a doleful train
（Chorus and Solos）
Maidens； Ella； Angela； Saphir； Dragoons； and Bunthorne
MAIDENS In a doleful train
Two and two we walk all day
For we love in vain！
None so sorrowful as they
Who can only sigh and say；
Woe is me； alackaday！
Woe is me； alackaday！
DRAGOONS Now is not this ridiculous； and