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This ceremonial our wish displays
To copy all Great Britain's courtly ways。
Though lofty aims catastrophe entail；
We'll gloriously succeed or nobly fail！
UNACCOMPANIED CHORUS
Eagle High in Cloudland soaring
Sparrow twittering on a reed
Tiger in the jungle roaring
Frightened fawn in grassy mead
Let the eagle； not the sparrow；
Be the object of your arrow
Fix the tiger with your eye
Pass the fawn in pity by。
Glory then will crown the day
Glory； glory； anyway！
Exit
all。
Enter Scaphio and Phantis； now dressed as judges in red and ermine
robes
and undress wigs。 They come down stage melodramatically
working together。
DUET Scaphio and Phantis。
Sca。： With fury deep we burn
Phan。： We do
Sca。： We fume with smothered rage
Phan。： We do
Sca。： These Englishmen who rule supreme；
Their undertaking they redeem
By stifling every harmless scheme
In which we both engage
Phan。： They do
Sca。： In which we both engage
Phan。： We think it is our turn
Sca。： We do
Phan。： We think our turn has come
Sca。： We do。
Phan。： These Englishmen； they must prepare
To seek at once their native air。
The King as heretofore； we swear；
Shall be beneath our thumb
Sca。： He shall
Phan。： Shall be beneath out thumb
Sca。： He shall。
Both： （with great energy）
For this mustn't be； and this won't do。
If you'll back me； then I'll back you；
No； this won't do；
No； this mustn't be。
With fury deep we burn。。。
Enter the King。
King： Gentlemen； gentlemenreally！ This unseemly display of
energy within the Royal precincts is altogether unpardon…
able。 Pray； what do you complain of？
Scaphio： （furiously） What do we complain of？ Why； through the
innovations introduced by the Flowers of Progress all our
harmless schemes for making a provision for our old age
are
ruined。 Our Matrimonial Agency is at a standstill； our
Cheap Sherry business is in bankruptcy； our Army Clothing
contracts are paralyzed； and even our Society paper； the
Palace Peeper； is practically defunct！
King： Defunct？ Is that so？ Dear； dear； I am truly sorry。
Scaphio： Are you aware that Sir Bailey Barre has introduced a law
of
libel by which all editors of scurrilous newspapers are
pub…
licly floggedas in England？ And six of our editors
have
resigned in succession！ Now； the editor of a scurrilous
paper can stand a good dealhe takes a private thrashing
as
a matter of courseit's considered in his salarybut no
gentleman likes to be publicly flogged。
King： Naturally。 I shouldn't like it myself。
Phantis： Then our Burlesque Theater is absolutely ruined！
King： Dear me。 Well； theatrical property is not what it was。
Phantis： Are you aware that the Lord Chamberlain； who has his own
views as to the best means of elevating the national
drama；
has declined to license any play that is not in blank
verse
and three hundred years oldas in England？
Scaphio： And as if that wasn't enough； the County Councillor has
or…
dered a four…foot wall to be built up right across the
proscenium； in case of fireas in England。
Phantis： It's so hard on the companywho are liable to be roasted
aliveand this has to be met by enormously increased
salariesas in England。
Scaphio： You probably know that we've contracted to supply the
entire
nation with a complete English outfit。 But perhaps you
do
not know that； when we send in our bills； our customers
plead liability limited to a declared capital of
eighteenpence； and apply to be dealt with under the
Winding…up Actas in England？
King： Really； gentlemen； this is very irregular。 If you will
be
so good as to formulate a detailed list of your
grievances
in writing； addressed to the Secretary of Utopia Limited；
they will be laid before the Board； in due course； at
their
next monthly meeting。
Scaphio： Are we to understand that we are defied？
King： That is the idea I intended to convey。
Phantis： Defied！ We are defied！
Scaphio： （furiously） Take careyou know our powers。 Trifle with
us； and you die！
TRIO Scaphio； Phantis； and King。
Sca。： If you think that； when banded in unity；
We may both be defied with impunity；
You are sadly misled of a verity！
Phan。： If you value repose and tranquility；
You'll revert to a state of docility；
Or prepare to regret your temerity！
King。： If my speech is unduly refractory
You will find it a course satisfactory
At an early Board meeting to show it up。
Though if proper excuse you can trump any；
You may wind up a Limited Company；
You cannot conveniently blow it up！
（Scaphio and Phantis thoroughly baffled）
King。： （Dancing quietly）
Whene'er I chance to baffle you
I； also； dance a step or two
Of this now guess the hidden sense：
（Scaphio and Phantis consider the question as King continues
dancing
quietlythen give it up。）
It means complete indifference！
Sca。 and Phan。： Of course it doesindifference！
It means complete indifference！
（King dancing quietly。 Sca。 and Phan。 dancing furiously。）
Sca。 and Phan。： As we've a dance for every mood
With pas de trois we will conclude；
What this may mean you all may guess
It typifies remorselessness！
King。： It means unruffled cheerfulness！
（King dances off