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a hazard of new fortunes v1-第7章

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him; and to his wife at second…hand; very meritorious; he could not help
contrasting his life and its inner elegance with that of other men who
had no such resources。  He thought that he was not arrogant about it;
because he did full justice to the good qualities of those other people;
he congratulated himself upon the democratic instincts which enabled him
to do this; and neither he nor his wife supposed that they were selfish
persons。  On the contrary; they were very sympathetic; there was no good
cause that they did not wish well; they had a generous scorn of all kinds
of narrow…heartedness; if it had ever come into their way to sacrifice
themselves for others; they thought they would have done so; but they
never asked why it had not come in their way。  They were very gentle and
kind; even when most elusive; and they taught their children to loathe
all manner of social cruelty。  March was of so watchful a conscience in
some respects that he denied himself the pensive pleasure of lapsing into
the melancholy of unfulfilled aspirations; but he did not see that; if he
had abandoned them; it had been for what he held dearer; generally he
felt as if he had turned from them with a high; altruistic aim。  The
practical expression of his life was that it was enough to provide well
for his family; to have cultivated tastes; and to gratify them to the
extent of his means; to be rather distinguished; even in the
simplification of his desires。  He believed; and his wife believed; that
if the time ever came when he really wished to make a sacrifice to the
fulfilment of the aspirations so long postponed; she would be ready to
join with heart and hand。

When he went to her room from his library; where she left him the whole
evening with the children; he found her before the glass thoughtfully
removing the first dismantling pin from her back hair。

〃I can't help feeling;〃 she grieved into the mirror; 〃that it's I who
keep you from accepting that offer。  I know it is!  I could go West with
you; or into a new countryanywhere; but New York terrifies me。  I don't
like New York; I never did; it disheartens and distracts me; I can't find
myself in it; I shouldn't know how to shop。  I know I'm foolish and
narrow and provincial;〃 she went on; 〃but I could never have any inner
quiet in New York; I couldn't live in the spirit there。  I suppose people
do。  It can't; be that all these millions'

〃Oh; not so bad as that!〃 March interposed; laughing。  〃There aren't
quite two。〃

〃I thought there were four or five。  Well; no matter。  You see what I am;
Basil。  I'm terribly limited。  I couldn't make my sympathies go round two
million people; I should be wretched。  I suppose I'm standing in the way
of your highest interest; but I can't help it。  We took each other for
better or worse; and you must try to bear with me〃 She broke off and
began to cry。

〃Stop it!〃 shouted March。  〃I tell you I never cared anything for
Fulkerson's scheme or entertained it seriously; and I shouldn't if he'd
proposed to carry it out in Boston。〃  This was not quite true; but in the
retrospect it seemed sufficiently so for the purposes of argument。
〃Don't say another word about it。  The thing's over now; and I don't want
to think of it any more。  We couldn't change its nature if we talked all
night。  But I want you to understand that it isn't your limitations that
are in the way。  It's mine。  I shouldn't have the courage to take such a
place; I don't think I'm fit for it; and that's the long and short of
it。〃

〃Oh; you don't know how it hurts me to have you say that; Basil。〃

The next morning; as they sat together at breakfast; without the
children; whom they let lie late on Sunday; Mrs。 March said to her
husband; silent over his fish…balls and baked beans: 〃We will go to New
York。  I've decided it。〃

〃Well; it takes two to decide that;〃 March retorted。  〃We are not going
to New York。〃

〃Yes; we are。  I've thought it out。  Now; listen。〃

〃Oh; I'm willing to listen;〃 he consented; airily。

〃You've always wanted to get out of the insurance business; and now with
that fear of being turned out which you have you mustn't neglect this
offer。  I suppose it has its risks; but it's a risk keeping on as we are;
and perhaps you will make a great success of it。  I do want you to try;
Basil。  If I could once feel that you had fairly seen what you could do
in literature; I should die happy。〃

〃Not immediately after; I hope;〃 he suggested; taking the second cup of
coffee she had been pouring out for him。  〃And Boston?〃

〃We needn't make a complete break。  We can keep this place for the
present; anyway; we could let it for the winter; and come back in the
summer next year。  It would be change enough from New York。〃

〃Fulkerson and I hadn't got as far as to talk of a vacation。〃

〃No matter。  The children and I could come。  And if you didn't like New
York; or the enterprise failed; you could get into something in Boston
again; and we have enough to live on till you did。  Yes; Basil; I'm
going。〃

〃I can see by the way your chin trembles that nothing could stop you。
You may go to New York if you wish; Isabel; but I shall stay here。〃

〃Be serious; Basil。  I'm in earnest。〃

〃Serious?  If I were any more serious I should shed tears。  Come; my
dear; I know what you mean; and if I had my heart set on this thing
Fulkerson always calls it 'this thing' I would cheerfully accept any
sacrifice you could make to it。  But I'd rather not offer you up on a
shrine I don't feel any particular faith in。  I'm very comfortable where
I am; that is; I know just where the pinch comes; and if it comes harder;
why; I've got used to bearing that kind of pinch。  I'm too old to change
pinches。〃

〃Now; that does decide me。〃

〃It decides me; too。〃

〃I will take all the responsibility; Basil;〃 she pleaded。

〃Oh yes; but you'll hand it back to me as soon as you've carried your
point with it。  There's nothing mean about you; Isabel; where
responsibility is concerned。  No; if I do this thingFulkerson again?
I can't get away from 'this thing'; it's ominousI must do it because I
want to do it; and not because you wish that you wanted me to do it。
I understand your position; Isabel; and that you're really acting from a
generous impulse; but there's nothing so precarious at our time of life
as a generous impulse。  When we were younger we could stand it; we could
give way to it and take the consequences。  But now we can't bear it。  We
must act from cold reason even in the ardor of self…sacrifice。〃

〃Oh; as if you did that!〃 his wife retorted。

〃Is that any cause why you shouldn't?〃  She could not say that it was;
and he went on triumphantly:

〃No; I won't take you away from the only safe place on the planet and
plunge you into the most perilous; and then have you say in your
revulsion of feeling that you were all against it from the first; and you
gave way because you saw I had my heart set on it。〃  He supposed he was
treating the matter humorously; but in this sort of banter between
husband and wife there is always much more than the joking。  March had
seen some pretty feminine inconsistencies and trepidations
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