按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!
him; and to his wife at second…hand; very meritorious; he could not help
contrasting his life and its inner elegance with that of other men who
had no such resources。 He thought that he was not arrogant about it;
because he did full justice to the good qualities of those other people;
he congratulated himself upon the democratic instincts which enabled him
to do this; and neither he nor his wife supposed that they were selfish
persons。 On the contrary; they were very sympathetic; there was no good
cause that they did not wish well; they had a generous scorn of all kinds
of narrow…heartedness; if it had ever come into their way to sacrifice
themselves for others; they thought they would have done so; but they
never asked why it had not come in their way。 They were very gentle and
kind; even when most elusive; and they taught their children to loathe
all manner of social cruelty。 March was of so watchful a conscience in
some respects that he denied himself the pensive pleasure of lapsing into
the melancholy of unfulfilled aspirations; but he did not see that; if he
had abandoned them; it had been for what he held dearer; generally he
felt as if he had turned from them with a high; altruistic aim。 The
practical expression of his life was that it was enough to provide well
for his family; to have cultivated tastes; and to gratify them to the
extent of his means; to be rather distinguished; even in the
simplification of his desires。 He believed; and his wife believed; that
if the time ever came when he really wished to make a sacrifice to the
fulfilment of the aspirations so long postponed; she would be ready to
join with heart and hand。
When he went to her room from his library; where she left him the whole
evening with the children; he found her before the glass thoughtfully
removing the first dismantling pin from her back hair。
〃I can't help feeling;〃 she grieved into the mirror; 〃that it's I who
keep you from accepting that offer。 I know it is! I could go West with
you; or into a new countryanywhere; but New York terrifies me。 I don't
like New York; I never did; it disheartens and distracts me; I can't find
myself in it; I shouldn't know how to shop。 I know I'm foolish and
narrow and provincial;〃 she went on; 〃but I could never have any inner
quiet in New York; I couldn't live in the spirit there。 I suppose people
do。 It can't; be that all these millions'
〃Oh; not so bad as that!〃 March interposed; laughing。 〃There aren't
quite two。〃
〃I thought there were four or five。 Well; no matter。 You see what I am;
Basil。 I'm terribly limited。 I couldn't make my sympathies go round two
million people; I should be wretched。 I suppose I'm standing in the way
of your highest interest; but I can't help it。 We took each other for
better or worse; and you must try to bear with me〃 She broke off and
began to cry。
〃Stop it!〃 shouted March。 〃I tell you I never cared anything for
Fulkerson's scheme or entertained it seriously; and I shouldn't if he'd
proposed to carry it out in Boston。〃 This was not quite true; but in the
retrospect it seemed sufficiently so for the purposes of argument。
〃Don't say another word about it。 The thing's over now; and I don't want
to think of it any more。 We couldn't change its nature if we talked all
night。 But I want you to understand that it isn't your limitations that
are in the way。 It's mine。 I shouldn't have the courage to take such a
place; I don't think I'm fit for it; and that's the long and short of
it。〃
〃Oh; you don't know how it hurts me to have you say that; Basil。〃
The next morning; as they sat together at breakfast; without the
children; whom they let lie late on Sunday; Mrs。 March said to her
husband; silent over his fish…balls and baked beans: 〃We will go to New
York。 I've decided it。〃
〃Well; it takes two to decide that;〃 March retorted。 〃We are not going
to New York。〃
〃Yes; we are。 I've thought it out。 Now; listen。〃
〃Oh; I'm willing to listen;〃 he consented; airily。
〃You've always wanted to get out of the insurance business; and now with
that fear of being turned out which you have you mustn't neglect this
offer。 I suppose it has its risks; but it's a risk keeping on as we are;
and perhaps you will make a great success of it。 I do want you to try;
Basil。 If I could once feel that you had fairly seen what you could do
in literature; I should die happy。〃
〃Not immediately after; I hope;〃 he suggested; taking the second cup of
coffee she had been pouring out for him。 〃And Boston?〃
〃We needn't make a complete break。 We can keep this place for the
present; anyway; we could let it for the winter; and come back in the
summer next year。 It would be change enough from New York。〃
〃Fulkerson and I hadn't got as far as to talk of a vacation。〃
〃No matter。 The children and I could come。 And if you didn't like New
York; or the enterprise failed; you could get into something in Boston
again; and we have enough to live on till you did。 Yes; Basil; I'm
going。〃
〃I can see by the way your chin trembles that nothing could stop you。
You may go to New York if you wish; Isabel; but I shall stay here。〃
〃Be serious; Basil。 I'm in earnest。〃
〃Serious? If I were any more serious I should shed tears。 Come; my
dear; I know what you mean; and if I had my heart set on this thing
Fulkerson always calls it 'this thing' I would cheerfully accept any
sacrifice you could make to it。 But I'd rather not offer you up on a
shrine I don't feel any particular faith in。 I'm very comfortable where
I am; that is; I know just where the pinch comes; and if it comes harder;
why; I've got used to bearing that kind of pinch。 I'm too old to change
pinches。〃
〃Now; that does decide me。〃
〃It decides me; too。〃
〃I will take all the responsibility; Basil;〃 she pleaded。
〃Oh yes; but you'll hand it back to me as soon as you've carried your
point with it。 There's nothing mean about you; Isabel; where
responsibility is concerned。 No; if I do this thingFulkerson again?
I can't get away from 'this thing'; it's ominousI must do it because I
want to do it; and not because you wish that you wanted me to do it。
I understand your position; Isabel; and that you're really acting from a
generous impulse; but there's nothing so precarious at our time of life
as a generous impulse。 When we were younger we could stand it; we could
give way to it and take the consequences。 But now we can't bear it。 We
must act from cold reason even in the ardor of self…sacrifice。〃
〃Oh; as if you did that!〃 his wife retorted。
〃Is that any cause why you shouldn't?〃 She could not say that it was;
and he went on triumphantly:
〃No; I won't take you away from the only safe place on the planet and
plunge you into the most perilous; and then have you say in your
revulsion of feeling that you were all against it from the first; and you
gave way because you saw I had my heart set on it。〃 He supposed he was
treating the matter humorously; but in this sort of banter between
husband and wife there is always much more than the joking。 March had
seen some pretty feminine inconsistencies and trepidations