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continue to speak South German and to teach it to his children。
In the course of the century； I am inclined to think that Germany will
solve her difficulty in this respect by speaking English。 Every boy and girl
in Germany； above the peasant class； speaks English。 Were English
pronunciation less arbitrary； there is not the slightest doubt but that in the
course of a very few years； comparatively speaking； it would become the
language of the world。 All foreigners agree that； grammatically； it is the
easiest language of any to learn。 A German； comparing it with his own
language； where every word in every sentence is governed by at least four
distinct and separate rules； tells you that English has no grammar。 A
good many English people would seem to have come to the same
conclusion； but they are wrong。 As a matter of fact； there is an English
grammar； and one of these days our schools will recognise the fact； and it
will be taught to our children； penetrating maybe even into literary and
journalistic circles。 But at present we appear to agree with the foreigner
that it is a quantity neglectable。 English pronunciation is the stumbling…
block to our progress。 English spelling would seem to have been
designed chiefly as a disguise to pronunciation。 It is a clever idea；
calculated to check presumption on the part of the foreigner； but for that
he would learn it in a year。
For they have a way of teaching languages in Germany that is not our
way； and the consequence is that when the German youth or maiden leaves
the gymnasium or high school at fifteen； 〃it〃 （as in Germany one
conveniently may say） can understand and speak the tongue it has been
learning。 In England we have a method that for obtaining the least
possible result at the greatest possible expenditure of time and money is
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perhaps unequalled。 An English boy who has been through a good
middle…class school in England can talk to a Frenchman； slowly and with
difficulty； about female gardeners and aunts； conversation which； to a man
possessed perhaps of neither； is liable to pall。 Possibly； if he be a bright
exception； he may be able to tell the time； or make a few guarded
observations concerning the weather。 No doubt he could repeat a goodly
number of irregular verbs by heart； only； as a matter of fact； few foreigners
care to listen to their own irregular verbs； recited by young Englishmen。
Likewise he might be able to remember a choice selection of grotesquely
involved French idioms； such as no modern Frenchman has ever heard or
understands when he does hear。
The explanation is that； in nine cases out of ten； he has learnt French
from an 〃Ahn's First…Course。〃 The history of this famous work is
remarkable and instructive。 The book was originally written for a joke；
by a witty Frenchman who had resided for some years in England。 He
intended it as a satire upon the conversational powers of British society。
From this point of view it was distinctly good。 He submitted it to a
London publishing firm。 The manager was a shrewd man。 He read the
book through。 Then he sent for the author。
〃This book of yours；〃 said he to the author； 〃is very clever。 I have
laughed over it myself till the tears came。〃
〃I am delighted to hear you say so；〃 replied the pleased Frenchman。 〃I
tried to be truthful without being unnecessarily offensive。〃
〃It is most amusing；〃 concurred the manager； 〃and yet published as a
harmless joke； I feel it would fail。〃
The author's face fell。
〃Its humour；〃 proceeded the manager； 〃would be denounced as forced
and extravagant。 It would amuse the thoughtful and intelligent； but from
a business point of view that portion of the public are never worth
considering。 But I have an idea；〃 continued the manager。 He glanced
round the room to be sure they were alone； and leaning forward sunk his
voice to a whisper。 〃My notion is to publish it as a serious work for the
use of schools！〃
The author stared； speechless。
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〃I know the English schoolman；〃 said the manager； 〃this book will
appeal to him。 It will exactly fit in with his method。 Nothing sillier；
nothing more useless for the purpose will he ever discover。 He will
smack his lips over the book； as a puppy licks up blacking。〃
The author； sacrificing art to greed； consented。 They altered the title
and added a vocabulary； but left the book otherwise as it was。
The result is known to every schoolboy。 〃Ahn〃 became the
palladium of English philological education。 If it no longer retains its
ubiquity； it is because something even less adaptable to the object in view
has been since invented。
Lest； in spite of all； the British schoolboy should obtain； even from the
like of 〃Ahn；〃 some glimmering of French； the British educational method
further handicaps him by bestowing upon him the assistance of； what is
termed in the prospectus； 〃A native gentleman。〃 This native French
gentleman； who； by…the…by； is generally a Belgian； is no doubt a most
worthy person； and can； it is true； understand and speak his own language
with tolerable fluency。 There his qualifications cease。 Invariably he is a
man with a quite remarkable inability to teach anybody anything。 Indeed；
he would seem to be chosen not so much as an instructor as an amuser of
youth。 He is always a comic figure。 No Frenchman of a dignified
appearance would be engaged for any English school。 If he possess by
nature a few harmless peculiarities； calculated to cause merriment； so
much the more is he esteemed by his employers。 The class naturally
regards him as an animated joke。 The two to four hours a week that are
deliberately wasted on this ancient farce； are looked forward to by the
boys as a merry interlude in an otherwise monotono