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it until it was twice as loose as it was before。 Then he said we had better
think about getting the front wheel back into its place again。
I held the fork open； and he worried with the wheel。 At the end of ten
minutes I suggested he should hold the forks； and that I should handle the
wheel； and we changed places。 At the end of his first minute he dropped
the machine； and took a short walk round the croquet lawn； with his hands
pressed together between his thighs。 He explained as he walked that the
thing to be careful about was to avoid getting your fingers pinched
between the forks and the spokes of the wheel。 I replied I was convinced；
from my own experience； that there was much truth in what he said。 He
wrapped himself up in a couple of dusters； and we commenced again。 At
length we did get the thing into position； and the moment it was in
position he burst out laughing。
I said： 〃What's the joke？〃
He said： 〃Well； I am an ass！〃
It was the first thing he had said that made me respect him。 I asked
him what had led him to the discovery。
He said： 〃We've forgotten the balls！〃
I looked for my hat； it was lying topsy…turvy in the middle of the path；
and Ethelbertha's favourite hound was swallowing the balls as fast as he
could pick them up。
〃He will kill himself；〃 said EbbsonI have never met him since that
day； thank the Lord； but I think his name was Ebbson〃they are solid
steel。〃
I said： 〃I am not troubling about the dog。 He has had a bootlace
and a packet of needles already this week。 Nature's the best guide；
puppies seem to require this kind of stimulant。 What I am thinking about
is my bicycle。〃
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He was of a cheerful disposition。 He said： 〃Well； we must put back
all we can find； and trust to Providence。〃
We found eleven。 We fixed six on one side and five on the other； and
half an hour later the wheel was in its place again。 It need hardly be
added that it really did wobble now； a child might have noticed it。
Ebbson said it would do for the present。 He appeared to be getting a bit
tired himself。 If I had let him； he would； I believe； at this point have
gone home。 I was determined now； however； that he should stop and
finish； I had abandoned all thoughts of a ride。 My pride in the machine
he had killed。 My only interest lay now in seeing him scratch and bump
and pinch himself。 I revived his drooping spirits with a glass of beer and
some judicious praise。 I said：
〃Watching you do this is of real use to me。 It is not only your skill
and dexterity that fascinates me； it is your cheery confidence in yourself；
your inexplicable hopefulness； that does me good。〃
Thus encouraged； he set to work to refix the gear…case。 He stood the
bicycle against the house； and worked from the off side。 Then he stood it
against a tree； and worked from the near side。 Then I held it for him；
while he lay on the ground with his head between the wheels； and worked
at it from below； and dropped oil upon himself。 Then he took it away
from me； and doubled himself across it like a pack…saddle； till he lost his
balance and slid over on to his head。 Three times he said：
〃Thank Heaven； that's right at last！〃
And twice he said：
〃No； I'm damned if it is after all！〃
What he said the third time I try to forget。
Then he lost his temper and tried bullying the thing。 The bicycle； I
was glad to see； showed spirit； and the subsequent proceedings
degenerated into little else than a rough…and…tumble fight between him and
the machine。 One moment the bicycle would be on the gravel path； and
he on top of it； the next； the position would be reversedhe on the gravel
path； the bicycle on him。 Now he would be standing flushed with victory；
the bicycle firmly fixed between his legs。 But his triumph would be
short…lived。 By a sudden； quick movement it would free itself； and；
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turning upon him； hit him sharply over the head with one of its handles。
At a quarter to one； dirty and dishevelled； cut and breeding； he said：
〃I think that will do；〃 and rose and wiped his brow。
The bicycle looked as if it also had had enough of it。 Which had
received most punishment it would have been difficult to say。 I took him
into the back kitchen； where； so far as was possible without soda and
proper tools； he cleaned himself； and sent him home。
The bicycle I put into a cab and took round to the nearest repairing
shop。 The foreman of the works came up and looked at it。
〃What do you want me to do with that？〃 said he。
〃I want you；〃 I said； 〃so far as is possible； to restore it。〃
〃It's a bit far gone；〃 said he； 〃but I'll do my best。〃
He did his best； which came to two pounds ten。 But it was never the
same machine again； and at the end of the season I left it in an agent's
hands to sell。 I wished to deceive nobody； I instructed the man to
advertise it as a last year's machine。 The agent advised me not to
mention any date。 He said：
〃In this business it isn't a question of what is true and what isn't； it's a
question of what you can get people to believe。 Now； between you and
me； it don't look like a last year's machine； so far as looks are concerned； it
might be a ten…year old。 We'll say nothing about date； we'll just get what
we can。〃
I left the matter to him； and he got me five pounds； which he said was
more than he had expected。
There are two ways you can get exercise out of a bicycle： you can
〃overhaul〃 it； or you can ride it。 On the whole； I am not sure that a man
who takes his pleasure overhauling does not have the best of the bargain。
He is independent of the weather and the wind； the state of the roads
troubles him not。 Give him a screw… hammer； a bundle of rag