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more useless。 When I was myself thrown unexpectedly upon the
world； it was my fortune to possess an art： I knew a good
cigar。 Do you know nothing； Mr。 Somerset？'
'Not even law；' was the reply。
'The answer is worthy of a sage；' returned Mr。 Godall。 'And
you； sir；' he continued； turning to Challoner； 'as the friend
of Mr。 Somerset； may I be allowed to address you the same
question？'
'Well；' replied Challoner； 'I play a fair hand at whist。'
'How many persons are there in London；' returned the
salesman； 'who have two…and…thirty teeth？ Believe me； young
gentleman； there are more still who play a fair hand at
whist。 Whist； sir； is wide as the world； 'tis an
accomplishment like breathing。 I once knew a youth who
announced that he was studying to be Chancellor of England；
the design was certainly ambitious； but I find it less
excessive than that of the man who aspires to make a
livelihood by whist。'
'Dear me；' said Challoner； 'I am afraid I shall have to fall
to be a working man。'
'Fall to be a working man？' echoed Mr。 Godall。 'Suppose a
rural dean to be unfrocked； does he fall to be a major？
suppose a captain were cashiered； would he fall to be a
puisne judge？ The ignorance of your middle class surprises
me。 Outside itself； it thinks the world to lie quite
ignorant and equal； sunk in a common degradation； but to the
eye of the observer； all ranks are seen to stand in ordered
hierarchies； and each adorned with its particular aptitudes
and knowledge。 By the defects of your education you are more
disqualified to be a working man than to be the ruler of an
empire。 The gulf； sir； is below； and the true learned arts …
those which alone are safe from the competition of insurgent
laymen … are those which give his title to the artisan。'
'This is a very pompous fellow；' said Challoner； in the ear
of his companion。
'He is immense；' said Somerset。
Just then the door of the divan was opened； and a third young
fellow made his appearance； and rather bashfully requested
some tobacco。 He was younger than the others； and； in a
somewhat meaningless and altogether English way； he was a
handsome lad。 When he had been served； and had lighted his
pipe and taken his place upon the sofa； he recalled himself
to Challoner by the name of Desborough。
'Desborough； to be sure；' cried Challoner。 'Well；
Desborough； and what do you do？'
'The fact is；' said Desborough； 'that I am doing nothing。'
'A private fortune possibly？' inquired the other。
'Well； no；' replied Desborough； rather sulkily。 'The fact is
that I am waiting for something to turn up。'
'All in the same boat！' cried Somerset。 'And have you； too；
one hundred pounds？'
'Worse luck；' said Mr。 Desborough。
'This is a very pathetic sight； Mr。 Godall；' said Somerset：
'Three futiles。'
'A character of this crowded age；' returned the salesman。
'Sir；' said Somerset； 'I deny that the age is crowded； I will
admit one fact； and one fact only： that I am futile； that he
is futile； and that we are all three as futile as the devil。
What am I？ I have smattered law； smattered letters；
smattered geography； smattered mathematics； I have even a
working knowledge of judicial astrology； and here I stand；
all London roaring by at the street's end； as impotent as any
baby。 I have a prodigious contempt for my maternal uncle；
but without him； it is idle to deny it； I should simply
resolve into my elements like an unstable mixture。 I begin
to perceive that it is necessary to know some one thing to
the bottom … were it only literature。 And yet； sir； the man
of the world is a great feature of this age； he is possessed
of an extraordinary mass and variety of knowledge； he is
everywhere at home； he has seen life in all its phases； and
it is impossible but that this great habit of existence
should bear fruit。 I count myself a man of the world；
accomplished； CAP…A…PIE。 So do you； Challoner。 And you； Mr。
Desborough？'
'Oh yes；' returned the young man。
'Well then； Mr。 Godall； here we stand； three men of the
world； without a trade to cover us； but planted at the
strategic centre of the universe （for so you will allow me to
call Rupert Street）； in the midst of the chief mass of
people； and within ear…shot of the most continuous chink of
money on the surface of the globe。 Sir； as civilised men；
what do we do？ I will show you。 You take in a paper？'
'I take；' said Mr。 Godall solemnly； 'the best paper in the
world； the STANDARD。'
'Good；' resumed Somerset。 'I now hold it in my hand； the
voice of the world； a telephone repeating all men's wants。 I
open it； and where my eye first falls … well； no； not
Morrison's Pills … but here； sure enough； and but a little
above； I find the joint that I was seeking； here is the weak
spot in the armour of society。 Here is a want； a plaint； an
offer of substantial gratitude： 〃TWO HUNDRED POUNDS REWARD。
… The above reward will be paid to any person giving
information as to the identity and whereabouts of a man
observed yesterday in the neighbourhood of the Green Park。
He was over six feet in height； with shoulders
disproportionately broad； close shaved； with black
moustaches； and wearing a sealskin great…coat。〃 There；
gentlemen； our fortune； if not made； is founded。'
'Do you then propose； dear boy； that we should turn
detectives？' inquired Challoner。
'Do I propose it？ No； sir；' cried Somerset。 'It is reason；
destiny； the plain face of the world； that commands and
imposes it。 Here all our merits tell； our manners； habit of
the world； powers of conversation； vast stores of unconnected
knowledge； all that we are and have builds up the character
of the complete detective。 It is； in short； the only
profession for a gentleman。'
'The proposition is perhaps excessive；' replied Challoner；
'for hitherto I own I have regarded it as of all dirty；
sneaking； and ungentlemanly trades； the least and lowest。'
'To defend society？' asked Somerset； 'to stake one's life for
others？ to deracinate occult and powerful evil？ I appeal to
Mr。 Godall。 He； at least； as a philosophic looker…on at
life； will spit upon such philistine opinions。 He knows that
the policeman； as he is called upon continually to face
greater odds； and that both worse equipped and for a better
cause； is in form and essence a more noble hero than the
soldier。 Do you； by any chance； deceive yourself into
supposing that a general would either ask or expect； from the
best army ever marshalled； and on the most momentous battle…
field； the conduct of a common constable at Peckham Rye？'
'I did not understand we were to join the force；' said
Challoner。
'Nor shall we。 These are the hands； but here … here； sir； is
the head；' cried Somerset。 'Enough； it is decreed。 We shall
hunt down this miscreant in the sealskin coat。'
'Suppose that we agreed；' retorted Challoner； 'you have no
plan； no knowledge； you know not where to seek for a
beginning。'
'Challoner！' cried Somerset； 'is it possible that you hold
the doctrine of Free Will？ And are you devoid of any
tin