按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
of his hand and the sound of his voice。 In the dead level
and solitude of my existence； this was the one eastern window
and the one door of hope。 At last； I had so cultivated and
prepared my will； that I began to be besieged with fears upon
the other side。 How if it was I that did not please？ How if
this unseen lover should turn from me with disaffection？ And
now I spent hours before the glass； studying and judging my
attractions； and was never weary of changing my dress or
ordering my hair。
When the day came I was long about my toilet； but at last；
with a sort of hopeful desperation； I had to own that I could
do no more； and must now stand or fall by nature。 My
occupation ended； I fell a prey to the most sickening
impatience； mingled with alarms； giving ear to the swelling
rumour of the streets； and at each change of sound or
silence； starting； shrinking； and colouring to the brow。
Love is not to be prepared； I know； without some knowledge of
the object； and yet； when the cab at last rattled to the door
and I heard my visitor mount the stairs； such was the tumult
of hopes in my poor bosom that love itself might have been
proud to own their parentage。 The door opened； and it was
Doctor Grierson that appeared。 I believe I must have
screamed aloud； and I know； at least； that I fell fainting to
the floor。
When I came to myself he was standing over me； counting my
pulse。 'I have startled you；' he said。 'A difficulty
unforeseen … the impossibility of obtaining a certain drug in
its full purity … has forced me to resort to London
unprepared。 I regret that I should have shown myself once
more without those poor attractions which are much； perhaps；
to you； but to me are no more considerable than rain that
falls into the sea。 Youth is but a state； as passing as that
syncope from which you are but just awakened； and； if there
be truth in science； as easy to recall； for I find； Asenath；
that I must now take you for my confidant。 Since my first
years； I have devoted every hour and act of life to one
ambitious task； and the time of my success is at hand。 In
these new countries； where I was so long content to stay； I
collected indispensable ingredients； I have fortified myself
on every side from the possibility of error； what was a dream
now takes the substance of reality； and when I offered you a
son of mine I did so in a figure。 That son … that husband；
Asenath； is myself … not as you now behold me； but restored
to the first energy of youth。 You think me mad？ It is the
customary attitude of ignorance。 I will not argue； I will
leave facts to speak。 When you behold me purified；
invigorated； renewed； restamped in the original image … when
you recognise in me （what I shall be） the first perfect
expression of the powers of mankind … I shall be able to
laugh with a better grace at your passing and natural
incredulity。 To what can you aspire … fame； riches； power；
the charm of youth； the dear…bought wisdom of age … that I
shall not be able to afford you in perfection？ Do not
deceive yourself。 I already excel you in every human gift
but one： when that gift also has been restored to me you
will recognise your master。'
Hereupon； consulting his watch； he told me he must now leave
me to myself； and bidding me consult reason； and not girlish
fancies； he withdrew。 I had not the courage to move； the
night fell and found me still where he had laid me during my
faint； my face buried in my hands； my soul drowned in the
darkest apprehensions。 Late in the evening he returned；
carrying a candle； and； with a certain irritable tremor； bade
me rise and sup。 'Is it possible；' he added； 'that I have
been deceived in your courage？ A cowardly girl is no fit
mate for me。'
I flung myself before him on my knees； and with floods of
tears besought him to release me from this engagement；
assuring him that my cowardice was abject； and that in every
point of intellect and character I was his hopeless and
derisible inferior。
'Why； certainly；' he replied。 'I know you better than
yourself； and I am well enough acquainted with human nature
to understand this scene。 It is addressed to me；' he added
with a smile； 'in my character of the still untransformed。
But do not alarm yourself about the future。 Let me but
attain my end； and not you only； Asenath； but every woman on
the face of the earth becomes my willing slave。'
Thereupon he obliged me to rise and eat； sat down with me to
table； helped and entertained me with the attentions of a
fashionable host； and it was not till a late hour； that；
bidding me courteously good…night； he once more left me alone
to my misery。
In all this talk of an elixir and the restoration of his
youth； I scarce knew from which hypothesis I should the more
eagerly recoil。 If his hopes reposed on any base of fact； if
indeed； by some abhorrent miracle； he should discard his age；
death were my only refuge from that most unnatural； that most
ungodly union。 If； on the other hand； these dreams were
merely lunatic； the madness of a life waxed suddenly acute；
my pity would become a load almost as heavy to bear as my
revolt against the marriage。 So passed the night； in
alternations of rebellion and despair； of hate and pity； and
with the next morning I was only to comprehend more fully my
enslaved position。 For though he appeared with a very
tranquil countenance； he had no sooner observed the marks of
grief upon my brow than an answering darkness gathered on his
own。 'Asenath。' he said； 'you owe me much already； with one
finger I still hold you suspended over death； my life is full
of labour and anxiety； and I choose；' said he； with a
remarkable accent of command； 'that you shall greet me with a
pleasant face。' He never needed to repeat the
recommendation； from that day forward I was always ready to
receive him with apparent cheerfulness； and he rewarded me
with a good deal of his company； and almost more than I could
bear of his confidence。 He had set up a laboratory in the
back part of the house； where he toiled day and night at his
elixir； and he would come thence to visit me in my parlour：
now with passing humours of discouragement； now； and far more
often； radiant with hope。 It was impossible to see so much
of him； and not to recognise that the sands of his life were
running low； and yet all the time he would be laying out vast
fields of future； and planning； with all the confidence of
youth； the most unbounded schemes of pleasure and ambition。
How I replied I know not； but I found a voice and words to
answer； even while I wept and raged to hear him。
A week ago the doctor entered my room with the marks of great
exhilaration contending with pitiful bodily weakness。
'Asenath；' said he； 'I have now obtained the last ingredient。
In one week from now the perilous moment of the last
projection will draw nigh。 You have once before assisted；
although unconsciously； at the failure of a similar
experiment。 It was the elixir which so terribly exploded one
night when you were pas